The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am reading a book by John and Linda Friel called "Adult children The secrets of dysfunctional families"
the last few chapters are great. Part III in particularly is speaking to me. The Denial, The Feelings, The Secrets, etc
I have been doing a lot of nodding, and you know that funny sound you make when you have this realisation its like a kind of a snorty sniffy sound and then you have a wry smile cos you think... yep.. know that one.
I can write and talk and tell people all about my past. I could give you intimate details of abuse and hate and things that were done to me. HOw I acted, reacted and what I did and said.
Can I tell you how they made me feel, or what I felt at the time they were happening.. not as succinctly. What is the feeling exactly when you are being forced to have sex with the man that just threw you around the room? Ummmmmm.. I wasn't very happy, but at least he was sorry and loved me enough to want to have sex with me!!!! I now know that was the adrenaline rush he got from the abuse. It wasn't love, it was just a ha**on.
anyhooooo... I digress...
I guess what I am saying is that I know Ihave to work on me and my reactions and then decide what I am going to do wtihthe rest of my life and for now I really really want to no longer think about his smoking.
I want his smoking to be like.. "ohhh whats that.. you are having a smoke.. whatever"
I also rang again about meetings in my area. There exists many 8pm AA meetings, one is an open meeting I could attend. One day time meeting (which is what I was looking for) but it is not 'open'. One night time weekday Al Anon meeting, one Saturday afternoon Al Anon meeting (steps). ONe night time weekday ACoA meeting. I rang the Al Anon lady again and left another message and then also texted a message that again I would like to speak to somebody and maybe would it be possible to catch up for a lunch one day during the week??
Al Anon is for me, but I REALLY want to explore more the ACoA stuff, but that board is pretty much inactive.
Hey most of us are ACOA as well and Alanon is for ANYONE that had been affected by a loved one's drinking. There are not many ACOA groups here either, so I get my Alanon and I also go to Open AA meetings. Its all the same disease. The disease of the mind, body and spirit. And we all "use" different things to help us cope with our stuff. I use people (and have used presciption meds too) to make me forget about me. Some use mind and mood altering chemicals. Some people are control freaks. Some become obsessed with something...Keep coming, keep reading, HUGS Hope you get to a meeting this week :)
__________________
-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
I thank my HP (God) frequently for sending me to Al-alon, I think I would be either crazy or dead, or maybe lingering with a stroke if I didn't have the support of al-anon, I was totally obsessesed with my 2 al/ad adult kids. I'm happy you are going to go....Ruby!
cos you think... yep.. know that one.