Thank God for Alanon! I don't know where I would be today without everything I've learned recently!

I have been very challenged this weekend and am struggling a lot, but definitely doing much better than I would have in the past.

I still see my A-exBF's children  once in a while. We became very close over the years and both he and their mom are supportive of my maintaining a relationship with them. It consists of a few hours once a month or so, and I picked them up for some lunch today. I went to drop them off at his house as he requested, but no one was there and we're locked out with the kids in wet swimming suits...

Surprise, surprise! He's at his bar and wants me to drop the kids there and they'll get some food. :( His kids had to climb in through a window to change into dry clothes so I could drive them over there. I guess I could have said, just come over here, but I didn't figure it was worth a confrontation. So then I drive a couple blocks over and drop off these two dear kids with their dad at his beloved bar. :'(

It was so wonderful to see the kids - they're teenagers and a lot of fun. We have a blast together and built a lot of love over the years I was with their dad. It was so hard to say goodbye at the end of the afternoon and it really stung to have to drop them at the bar. I felt like it was "the other woman" who stole him away, his mistress!  

I just had to repeat to myself - I'm powerless over alcohol and he's powerless over alcohol. I'm powerless over him and this is an addiction, it's not about me or my lovability! And let go, let God...  Still a lot of grieving to do. I think I can accept it, but it still breaks my heart.

AND, I'm getting the hostile silent treatment from my friend/roommate - all weekend (i've just asked her to move out and she's angry). Argh!

For that one, I keep repeating - what you think of me is none of my business. It's not really working though! I need her out of here as soon as possible. I don't deserve this kind of treatment. Someone I thought was my friend... I'm very sensitive, and having this feeling of hostility and betrayal in my house is very hard. It's very hurtful to me. I'm also struggling with how to handle events with mutual friends if she's there. This seems so childish! In my adult life, I have not had this experience before. I don't know what to do so I'm trying to just do my thing as normally as possible and not go out of my way to avoid her or make anything weird.

I'm trying to put this up for my higher power for guidance! And praying she can find a new place to move into as soon as possible. I need a peaceful, safe place at home to deal with the heartbreak from my relationship and my healing through Alanon from the intergenerational effects of alcoholism. It's just an added level of ridiculousness to have this conflict with my roommate. I guess my HP has decided I'm in the advanced class :) Aaahh!

One day at a time....

~ Doozy