The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband finally went to Turning point in June 2010. He went to an assessment meeting and was told he was not a priority. By December 2010 we still had not heard from them so he rang them (probably because I "nagged" him!!). On our home phone there was a message from turning point which said "when you get to a bottle a day ring us and we will put down as a priority".. 'xxx'!! He carried on and in May I wrote to Turning Point asking what they were going to help my husband and detailed what he did. I had a phone call saying I need help (yeah I know!!) but NO mention of my husband!! I basically told them they were letting my husband die...........2 weeks later an appointment came through. My husband attended the meeting and was told he would need to see their Dr and have detox. LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL I thought. He saw the Dr in July 2011 and, after having liver function tests, was told detox was not for him and gave him some tablets. 6 weeks on he is still drinking. He takes his tablets but not all the time. He is verbally abusive when he is drunk but I have learnt to ignore him. I tell him that whatever he says he will not hurt me............it shuts him up for while. I love him but will not enable him, i am trying to detach myself from him when he has been drinking and feel better with myself................but it's still very hard .
-- Edited by RLC on Saturday 13th of August 2011 08:39:51 PM
-- Edited by RLC on Saturday 13th of August 2011 08:52:20 PM
-- Edited by canadianguy on Sunday 14th of August 2011 07:55:10 PM
Hi Passover, Get yourself to some face to face AlAnon meetings and learn all about alcoholism. Read all you can on this web site and learn all about alcoholism. You are doing real good right now by reaching out for help. Nagging doesn't help anyone. I say it once and then leave it alone....if I say it at all. It is like hitting your head against a wall and finally you realize that nothing is being changed by what I say. I have no power over any of it. Just ignoring him is not enough. You have to actively go out and do stuff for you. You have to live your life no matter what he is doing and then let him live his life. Yeah, I know. Doesn't sound like marriage, but you are married to a drinking alcoholic. It really isn't a great time. Do what makes you feel better with yourself.
-- Edited by maryjane on Saturday 13th of August 2011 06:51:17 PM
Verbal Abuse, I just realize it because of your post. My husband is not just a jerk when he drinks, he is verbally abusing me. Thanks for your post, you help me see that.
Hi Passover and welcome to MIP. Are you attending face to face Al-anon meetings and or have a sponsor? I read a book "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews and it helped me so much in dealing with my A. I have read many daily readers also to help me start my day out right and keep the focus on me. I used to put up with verbal abuse and bullying, but I have learned to set boundaries and take care of myself and fully dettach. I am sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Aloha Passover...Welcome to the board. It sounds like you've been looking for love and support for a while and here it is. Turning Point sounds like they specialize with the "almost" done alcoholic and/or addict. Almost done meaning near end time drinker. What works well from my experience is when one recovering alcoholic carries the message of recover to another and then if the other alcoholic isn't willing and cannot be honest about their condition what's left is you. As mentioned the face to face meetings of the Al-Anon Family Groups for the family, friends and associates of alcoholics works better than most and is zero cost. The hotline number for Al-Anon in your area is in the white pages of your local telephone book. Look it up, give it a call and see where and when we get together in your town. There's a chair waiting for you and usually a well stocked literature table you can pick from. Glad to have you here and hope you keep coming back often. (((((hugs)))))
Everyone else said it but I'll say it again. Focus on your own recovery. Find an AlAnon group. Keep going whether you feel comfortable or not. You need recovery as much as your husband does. His disease is killing him and yours is controlling you. You can recover. Much love to you.
Whatever one else has said .. is an absolute must. Sometimes it's not what we want to hear and I'm so sorry. I read the frustration in your post about your A trying to get help that it seems the person who people most want to rescue and fix is not the one who is treading water it's the one who is now drowning. I don't understand the mentality it is an unfortunate reality.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
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