Have I shared ok that you underestand me? - Al-Anon Family Group

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Have I shared ok that you underestand me?

hawaiilover · Senior Member

Deb,

You have been through a great deal of loss and still going strong. My dear Deb, you are entitled to make choices that are satisfying to you. If you are uncomfortable with the idea of being part of a crowd, that is perfectly fine. It takes energy to be around people. Personally, I stay away from it from time to time. I have to be emotionally ready to be around some people. And, it is okay. You are a wise woman with lots of wisdom. This guy either will learn to accept you as you are, or it is Adios Amigos. It is what it is! There is nothing wrong with you. You are entitled to your opinions, likes, dislikes, etc. That is what makes us unique. Sending you hugs. Hawaii

Ness · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Debs))))))...........Men, honestly.....!!! always needy always wanting something you cant give.....I blame their Mothers!!! Ha Ha.

You my dear friend have worked long and hard on your recovery, you are a product of all that has gone before and emerged a loving, strong, independent woman. Nothing wrong with you honey....dont ever doubt yourself or throw away all that youve worked so hard to achieve.

I wouldnt compromise my hard fought for serenity & sanity for anything or anyone.....at least I hope I wouldnt but who knows what curved ball life is going to throw.

Its all about acceptance.......he accepts you, warts and all, or he doesnt.........what do you want??

Keep it simple, and remember JADE!

Good luck

Much love

Ness x

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

Deb,

I totally get you. For me being in Alanon has slowed me down tremendously. I no longer crave crowds, extremely noisy situations, etc. I naturally gravitatite towards peace, tranquility, and being alone which for me is rare since I have two little children.

When I was in the mountains one of my favorite things to do was to wake up early in the morning, 5 AM and go on a walk. I wanted to feel the crispness of the fresh air, and in particular listen to the leaves gently move on the trees and watch the sun come up.

So I completely understand resting in the peace and quiet of your home and why you would want to have him visit you. For me it feels like one more way you can get to know someone better, focusing entirely on them rather than at a reunion. Sometimes life becomes so darned busy we are unable to truly connect to people, be in the present moment to enjoy their company, and come to an understanding as to who they really are. That is a gift.

I am glad you are true to yourself Deb. It is better to do that than to have a resentment against him later.

In support,

Tommye

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Deb,

No one else gets to make decisions for you and if you feel that you made the right decision then it's right for you. :) It's the best any of us can do. :)

Hugs P :)

Doozy · Senior Member

Hi Deb,

I would echo what the others have said here. I especially love Ness's take on things.

I think they're right and that it's all about acceptance. How you are and who you are is okay and is just how you have been created. I often feel the same way you describe and can't always handle crowds. Some people thrive in that situation, others don't, and there's no one right way. I often need a balance of time alone and time with people. I need a lot of quiet time. I think it's partly because I'm a very sensitive person in a lot of ways and I just get overwhelmed. Well, I wouldn't trade that sensitivity for comfort in a crowd, and I can't wish to be anything other than how my higher power has created me.

I don't think you need to doubt yourself and I hope your friend can just accept who you are and your decisions.

:) Doozy

Sincerely · Senior Member

There is no place like home to me. On good days at home, I'm grateful. On bad days at home, I'm comforted.

Sincerely · Senior Member

There is no place like home to me. On good days at home, I'm grateful. On bad days at home, I'm comforted.

oldergal · Senior Member

I have to say "this guy" is not accepting how you feel. Even buying you a ticket, that sounds like he may be trying to control you.

You have always made perfect sense to me.....

In support Oldergal.........

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Dearest Deb, keep being true to yourself and don't let anyone question or push through your comfort zone. I get you and respect that you know what keeps you serene and it is worth fighting for. Sending you love and support.

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Debilyn -

I can feel your frustration. I, too, don't enjoy crowds much. I'm more of an introvert and it sounds you are too. Nothing wrong with that. It's so true, we are all wired differently. How boring the world would be if it were not a fact of life.

Who know what's up with this guy. I encourage you to be true to yourself. Be you - be honest with him. Kindly speak your mind.

I once was given a book by a friend who certainly understands why I dislike crowds and large gatherings; the book was about highly sensitive people. Large crowds drain my energy. I need a lot of alone time to regenerate myself when I go to events such as weddings.

Here's a link to a website that you might find interesting. It's on "highly sensitive people." You'll probably be interested in the characteristics of most highly sensitive people, not the rest of the website.

http://www.highlysensitivepeople.com/

-- Edited by GailMichelle on Saturday 13th of August 2011 09:21:36 PM

-- Edited by GailMichelle on Sunday 14th of August 2011 10:37:50 AM

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Deb...Okay I'm one of those Men thingys...(((Ness LOL))) One of the most powerful lessons along with I can say NO or I can say YES is....I can come home early if I want. If the consequence I am getting doesn't match the consequence I was wanting...come home early. Just for me. ((((hugs)))) smile

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

((((Debi)))))

You are making perfect sense to me and it's okay if you want to see just him.

I am in a place where I will avoid, when possible, putting myself in a position of being with people who will inquire about things that are/ were tremendously painful. When I cannot avoid it, I acknowledge their inquiry and change the subject. ("Oh, thank you for mentioning/asking, how are your boys doing...")

I agree with your friend when he observes that you are sweet and strong. I would think that almost any relationship will experience a difference of preferences along the way. You stated yourself clearly. I hope he comes to accept your choice.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I went and met him face to face. He is a very very cool nice guy. I felt so comfy with him.

We talked a couple hours. We came to the conclusion we are both stubborn! lol

thank you for all your words. I agree about so many people at once can drain us.

AND YES I remember that sensitive people thing. I know I am,used to be called crazy as I was so emotional.But I love that part of me. I love harder too.

I am now insane about guinea pigs...lol here I am an adult lady building environs, holding them while I watch tv shows, laugh at them. It's fun. The child in me has never left. thank goodness,what a sad world to not enjoy that which you do!

I felt something in every single response. thank you! debilyn

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.