The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just wanted to say that I went to a much needed meeting last night--my first since my husband left 7 days ago (yup, I am counting). The topic that someone else brought up was 'fear' when living with an active A. I was so happy it was the topic because I had been dealing with it all week! Well, really for the last 7 years of our marriage. Fear he is going to drink, fear he is lying, fear he will drive drunk, fear he will endanger our kids, fear he will embarass me, fear everyone knows, fear, fear, fear. The first few days not even knowing where he was, because he just walked out and never came back. Then the overarching fear of having to stick to the decision that we need to separate...to really accept this change. THEN the fear of having to care for 2 small little girls and big house by myself. It has been a week of fear....
But what has gotten me through it has been tools from Al-Anon and especially trusting myself. Taking the time to remind myself of the FACTS when I begin to get shaky and emotional. AND keeping very busy, mainly cleaning house!!!!
Honestly, I am OK and I have been since I saw him and really just knew he was safe, that he hadn't lost his job, gotten arrested, etc. Then, I could turn and start to focus on my own situation. And I have so much to be grateful for really.
I realized my biggest fear all this time has been it staying the same...I couldn't keep living in that insanity. And that has made me feel SO much stronger. At least finally things are changing.
Thanks for listening. Does anyone else have tools for dealing with fear?
Sookie, I'm learning how to let go and let God! I surrender eventhing to God, my thoughts, my anxiety, my fears etc. This is easier said than it is to do, but it works when I can do it. I keep God really big in my life esp. when I'm going through something, I try to do it all the time, but you know how we take stuff back and try to do it ourselves......Ruby!
I try to always remember that fear is the absence of faith. Faith that my HP is always in charge. I compare fear to resentments....at the end of the day I am the only one effected by either.
I too have to let go and trust in my HP to help me through things. For me that Beattles song Let it be is just the same...let it be, let it be...when I find my self in times of trouble...let it be... there is nothing I can do to make him change, so I have to focus on me and get busy in my program...I can feel my HP's arms around me, and I am reminded to keep coming to meetings so more strength, and hope sinks in....
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
When I start fearing his behaviors or will he drink again, etc..., I mentally tell myself "back off!!!" and "stop it!!!" It seems to jar me away from my obsessive thinking and back to controlling the things that I can... namely ME.
Thanks (Sookie) that was very supportive and humbling to read. Often times I get into gratitude reading the shares of others.
A couple of years ago my HP worked with me on the "opposite of fear" and up until that time like RLC my standard response was "The opposite of fear is faith" it still fits and then on this higher ed lesson my HP showed me that "The opposite of fear is love" and I've been going with that more since than anything else. "Fear cannot exist where there is love and love doesn't exist when there is fear." Fear pretty well trumps all the positive feelings I can have when it is present. Also one of the names of my HP is Love so when I am "loving" I'm doing HP.
Stay with it and keep coming back. ((((hugs))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Thursday 11th of August 2011 01:32:48 PM
I've often heard people say when in doubt say the Lord's Prayer or the Serenity Prayer puts them back on the path. I've been saying the Lords Prayer (my kids actually taught me this as far as if you have nothing to pray about say the Lord's prayer He'll take what I can't carry because he already knows), I can give it all to my HP and even if I don't know what I'm praying for my HP has already got my back.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
