The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When ABF was locked up, I immediately felt the need to "get rid" of signs of him around the condo. I boxed up his beautiful flat screen tv, surround sound, x box, etc... and it's been sitting in a spare room.. I purchased a new tv for myself and squeezed my furniture (that he doesn't like) into our entertainment room... just to make things a little different for myself. Didn't want to keep things the way he left them. So I took care of all that the first weekend he was gone and that helped a little. At that point I didn't think he was ever coming back.
So fast forward 30-ish days later, consumed with talks of his sobriety, us staying together, making things work, etc.... got off the phone with him tonight... we had a long conversation regarding his possible release on Wednesday. He talked more about being sober and staying that way. (his choice of conversation)... told me he realized (he's been reading) he was a chronic drinker and the thought of drinking now makes him sick.. not physically but more of a disappointment to himself.... I know, take it with a grain of salt.
After I got off the phone with him, I went into "fix it" mode. But instead of putting things back the way they were, I was in a furry to continue changing things the way *I* wanted them. Moved furniture, changed accessories around... tomorrow I plan on changing the kitchen cabinets around... LOL I don't know if this sudden urge for "my way" is out of spite because he's not here, because I know he'll wind up leaving at some point or if it's just to prove to him that MY life goes on whether he's here or not. Feeling very empowered this evening... LOL
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~Kat
Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
Sometimes we need to see changes on the outside to recognize we are changing on the inside. :) When I left my ex I died my hair platinum blonde .. LOL. It was an interesting look .. LOL .. as I'm a totally dark dark dark brunette. It was something I just needed to do to make it clear to myself that I was moving on and not the same person I was. I kind of see your apartment in that light. Not that you are leaving your A, just that you are and have made changes to yourself. You go girl :) Change is exciting :)
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
You do whatever makes you feel good inside. Your house is your temple and must be accommodating for YOU as well. That is one way of taking care of yourself. Keep coming back!
So enlightening to pay attention to what your mind is telling you!
It sounds as if you have more native skepticism than I did. When my A first told me, "Okay, I'm going to get sober," no problem, I thought, "Phew! Our problems are solved at last!" I didn't realize that he could still be in denial -- he thought he could snap his fingers and get sober because he wasn't like "those" guys who really had a problem. I didn't realize that sobriety was a long hard road even for those who stick with it and make it. I didn't realize that his actions weren't the same as his words. I didn't realize that the stiatistics about alcoholics who achieve longterm sobriety were so low. In retrospect, I think I would have said, "Great, wonderful that you're doing this for yourself. Let's live apart for a couple of years while you concentrate on your recovery, and then we'll make some decisions." And I would have stuck with it, if I had known then what I know now.
I also would have planned ahead for what I would do when it became apparent that he was drinking again. Because when that happened, I didn't have a plan. And so we were back to square one, and the whole thing started over again.
So it sounds great that your mind is more on the "wait and see" line than mine was -- here's to taking good care of ourselves!
I love this--and have had plans for the same things...painting, boxing up things, ridding myself of signs of "what-used-to-be" so I can put myself in a new frame of mind. I don't know what is keeping me from doing it. Thank you for your post. It has made me think about moving forward again.
Dear ELECTRAWMAN, expounding on whar Pushka said about outward changes---and her hair---it brings something to mind that I heard decades ago. I have watched this and it soeems to always be true: When a man is changing his facial hair something significant is stirring inside him--WATCH OUT. Either shaving off a beard after a long time, or starting to grow one out of the blue. I think this also applies in a lot of other situations as well.
...... LOL 