The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
What else is it going to take for him to finally hit the bottom? I keep asking this question when I pray to my HP. My HP's plan for my AH is a mystery to me.
-- Edited by Green Eyes on Thursday 28th of July 2011 06:48:36 PM
-- Edited by Green Eyes on Thursday 28th of July 2011 06:49:08 PM
My sponsor used to remind me that there was a reason that it was called "HER" bottom (in the case of my ex-AW) - because it was, indeed, hers.... If it were mine, she would have chosen sobriety many years and fights earlier....
You are doing all you can do, and the choice is his and his HP
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
There aren't many things your AH hasn't loss "yet".
I heard an AA speaker several years ago who said he kept drinking because he hadn't lost his job "yet".....But said he later did. Said he kept drinking because he hadn't lost his home "yet".......But said he later did. Said he kept drinking because he hadn't lost his wife and children "yet".....but said later he did. Said he finally ran out of "yets" that hadn't happened to him "yet". Said he was down so low he had no where to go and realized even thought he was dead, he hadn't died "yet". Said he got down on his knees one day and begged for help from a Higher Power he hadn't prayed to "yet".........said his HP listened. Said he has been sober since that day over 20 years ago.
Miracles do happen, everyone has to find their own bottom, including ourselves. I hope and pray your AH finds his bottom and seeks help before he runs out of "yets". HP is in control.
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Thursday 28th of July 2011 06:59:03 PM
-- Edited by RLC on Thursday 28th of July 2011 07:01:39 PM
Sending you love and support to you and your A. This can't be easy to watch, I admire your courage and grace during such a difficult time.
Hugs again, P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I use to wonder too, til I figured out my goals for him were sane ones and his were insanity.
He sobered up for awhile, but is now on the path of destruction again, after escaping death many times, loosing his job, loosing our condo because I couldnt keep up the payments myself, he lost me after 26 years of marriage, and more importantly his dignity and values.
You never know what or when their bottom will be, I do know they relapse, a lot. They say its part of the process, I say its an excuse. Because an addict will use everything to their advantage.
Keep working on yourself and your program and the answers will come for you.
He may be there or close or maybe not...Alcoholism is a cunning powerful and baffling disease and alcohol a demanding lover. When he is done he will be done for only one day at a time and that is part of why this is called a compulsion of the mind. There are sooo many pains that come with being drunk and a whole nother set of pains that come with not drinking...it is insane the actual living with "damned if you do and damned if you don't" or "one is too many and a thousand not enough". That is alcohol addiction and the "ism" says "If I have another one it's going to kill me and if I don't I'll just die." There is no other disease known to man that is this horrible. Until God becomes his HP or something similar booze will be. Prayers sent out for him. ((((hugs)))) That includes yourself cause the disease isn't selective on who it takes down...drinker or not.
Keep coming back and if you are already attending face to face meetings keep going and moving up with your recovery like you would want him to.
No way to speculate ... what I think would certainly be my bottom does not seem to be the same for my exAH. I pray daily to give him to HP. This disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful.
I love RLC's response. I could have applied those yets to my alanon program too.
I also completely understand the idea of alcohol being a demanding lover. Gosh, I remember asking my AH, when are you going to ask to go out with me once as much as you beg to go out drinking? What a fantasy I was in. The truth is there are some long bottom alcoholics out there. One never knows how much pain an AH will need to get into before they are willing to turn to a power greater than themselves and ask for help.
I turn to the 5 G's, for guidance and support (paraphrased):
Get off of their back, Get out of their way, Get on with Your life, Get to meetings, and Give it to God.
It is in our literature ODAAT book, May 1st reading. That was my light bulb moment for me. Also, the July 1st reading in ODAAT really hit me hard. One line in particular:
"The gift of life is personally mine - as his life belongs to him - to enjoy or destroy, as each of us wishes."
Hang in there. We are here for you in love and support
That includes yourself cause the disease isn't selective on who it takes down...drinker or not.