The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In the Beginning of my Program I Often "ALOT" of times ask... What Good will this program do 4 me My 'A' just Died? What Kinda Place Tells you that its ALL About YOU? How can it be All About Me, when it was the Alcoholic or the Addict that Brought me to the Rooms? Sounds Kinda Selfish & Arroagant it would seem...And the Thought it maybe to be a Calt ...lol...... And for a long time, It felt Wrong to think Only of myself & My HP! (To Which I wasn't Even Sure then if I had a HP)
To Me it does not Now say Any of those things, it tells me that I am Worthy of Living Happy Joyous & Free Regardless of what other may think they know about me... Something that I did not belive when I got here. Sitting with my HP on a More Daily basis, and Accepting what is right infront of me most days is plenty to have and I am Grateful of all my ups and downs.. I do the best I can to not only and solely think of myself, but to first look to myself before sufficating others, and allowing them to sufficate me.
I have been taught, that My Program Is Solely about Me... But My Life was Ment to be Shared! I am Allowed to have a life with Boundry's that Protect me, and Consiquenses for my Actions, just like the next person, that I can grow in and learn respect & feel respected. I am Allowed to follow my own path even if it isn't the direction others seen for my life... I am Allowed to Love Me! Before going on to Love others that could be unsafe or I expected to much from. Not that there was anything wrong with them, just how i precieved them or Our Relationship Or how I preceived Me in their lives!
I have come to a place of acceptance in my program, I make my weekly meetings and work the only program I know how. It is not my job to work someone elses. It is my job to take care of me, in order to share myself with others. I have accepted that people are not here to cater to me or my needs, They are not here to be at my beck n call, nor are they here to read my mind, and know when I am Hurting and when I am not, when i learn to hear my own voice, and hear what I really Need for Happiness, & Serenity and only then am I No Longer a Victom... That is a Very Nice Place to be!
I remember when I got here all of my Inner Issues seems more like Mountains I was Constantly Climbing to Prove I was Worthy enough for Everyone, not me but everyone around me, I can now look back after much more work on myself and can say, they now look more like Mole hills! I can't say that in making these changes over the last 2+ yrs, I made all the right choices, or I didn't hurt a few people in the way I ran my program, but I can accept that tho thru their eyes they seen something differant then I, and it is Ok..
This Past week has been amazing... Went into the weekend with big plans of one thing, and ended it going a completely differant direction! ... I suppose i am Learning at a Slower pace then normal how to "Go with the Flow".. Yesterday My H & Son went out of town for the night, and I got to have an Entire DAY to myself, and I Ended It Hittin one of my meetings, and it was nice to see all the faces around the table, Our small town doesn't always bring a crawd of people but when the table is full, as am I! and last night it was full... and I hope that Tomorrow Night will be as well.. Its amazing how much a F2F meeting can do for me! And the People & friends that help me along the way, and guide and steer me has been nothing short of blessing...
I'm Pluggin away One day at a Time, and Doing it at my own pace of Ease Balance & Grace... i Learned that Just like the Disease states in "Detachment: , I can Love the Person, without liking the Behavior...I Don't have to suffer because of the actions or reactions of other people, I don't have to be Used & Abused by others, Nor do I have to do for others what they can do for themselves, I know longer have to manipulate situations, or cover up for others, and I don't have to Create a Crisis... I am No Longer a Victim, I Am Currently Surviving, & Thriving because i Made the Choice to make my Program better work for me! Truly works with you work it...
And i Couldn't do that without the Love & Support of All of you and my F2f Family ... HP Can bring Me to Amazing places if I are accepting of change...
Very Grateful Member of Al-anon :) Love, Hugs & Prayers to All
I really enjoyed reading your post. I hope all newcomers to MIP read and realize regardless of their present situation that "One Day At A Time" their life can get better by working the Al-Anon program.
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
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