How do you protect your money? - Al-Anon Family Group

Otie · Senior Member

How do you protect your money?

shellyj123 · ~*Service Worker*~

Wonderful idea Otie! I lost EVERYTHING, and I do mean everything in my marriage to EXAH...and what little was left I had no choice but to leave behind in a race to get away. I ended up with lawyer fees (they were going to take my license for a DWI he got when I wasn't even in the county-however my name was on the title as a co owner of the vehicle he was caught in so I was charged regardless and faced loosing my license) filling bankruptcy, loosing my car, my job, my home and my child I was carrying at the time....I lost it all.

Thanks to HP above I have rebuilt my life financially from the ground up, and am proud to say I have done it all on my own the past fourteen years while raising my son alone. There's a huge sense of accomplishment and self worth in knowing it was all me, that I fought my way back.

Everyone involved with an A or Addict should have an escape plan and some sort of financial back up plan if possible. Just mho....

peace and clarity to all

shellyj123

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Otie

Alanon is a Spiritual Program and works to enables us to discover the constructive choices we need to make in our lives in order to live with courage, serenity and wisdom When we are thinking clearly, following our instincts, looking at reality, we know what we should do. Having the courage to d it is hard. Alanon will give us the tools to make the hard choices.

A how to book on what to do to protect finances is outside the scope of alanon but I am sure any lawyer can give that advise We need to have the courage to consult that lawyer or purchase that book.

I believe that most people caught up in the disease of alcoholism are in very deep before they realize that this disease is heading in the wrong direction and that they need help. Just as Shelly explained.

Denial, Hope, Misplaced trust, Insanity of doing the same thing expecting different results causes us to not look for ways to protect ourselves in a marriage that is supposed to be the two of you against the world.

I believe alanon gets us healthy enough to seek and use the help available.

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

I have taken such action. I have a post nuptial agreement that protects me financially should any civil action occur with my spouse, I am not liable for his torts.

You would have consult an attorney to do this.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Each state is different Otie. In Oregon you can get a legal separation, then you are not liable for anything your A spouse does.

You are only considered Married only.

yes would be neat to have a book or something, but like I shared, can be different wherevery you are.

I always say, put your vehicle in your name, have your house in your name, never sign anything with him. don't sign anything if he goes to the hospital or anywhere.

The way the world is now, sharing it all with someone to me is insane! I mean our spouse could have a brain injury without being an A and we could lose everything.

An addict is a very sick person. Untrustworthy, I sure do not want someone insane controlling my life!

You know i lost everything too! I went into my marriage like I thought we did it!

My life is completely changed becuz of it. Not mostly for the good either.

Great thread otie. hugs, deb who will share her heart, but not her life security.

Otie · Senior Member

Hi, I think I need to correct what my intention is. I want to make it clear that I am not suggesting that alanon have anything to do with such information or give approval in any way. I , on second thought realize that putting anything in the stickies is like suggesting that it has alanon approval--which it never would. Please, all accept my apology if I have not been clear or misleading.

I am only suggesting that it would be a good idea for someone to write a book on ways to protect finances and legal pitfalls for someone living with active addiction. I'm talking about a book written by a citizen and published for the general public--to be purchased by any private citizen who needs it. Definitely not connected to alanon in any way.

I don't see how this would be in conflict with alanon in any way. It is often implied that one should take care of themselves first---spiritually, physically, emotionally, etc... I see taking care of oneself financially to be also very important.

Also, I think it is actually is empowering to become aware of ones financial and legal responsibilities as well as possible liabilities. Of course, lawers still have to be consulted when it is appropriate, but that doesn't mean that one should remain ignorant. I see it sort of like educating ourselves as much as possible on health matters---but still seeing a doctor when necessary.

I hope that this makes it clear what my "idea" is suggesting.

Thanks for listening.

Otie

When one reads the board, it becomes clear that financial hardship is a big part of picture of active addiction in a large number of cases. Financial hardship is very destructive to families, and legal troubles are very expensive. Also, many times, help is available, but people often just don't know how to attain it.

-- Edited by Otie on Tuesday 26th of July 2011 07:59:10 AM

clep · Senior Member

I don't think a book would have done me much good before Al-anon. I was as sick as my A. The decisions I made were based upon that sickness. An A can't read a book about finances and have finances be okay, as alcoholism is the root of the problem. Same goes for me. I did not protect myself financially because I was living with the effects of alcoholism. If someone had told me how to protect myself I would not have been able to do so.

My A would throw tantrums for money, create all sorts of chaos and use many pressuring tactics. That was the issue I was dealing with and I needed Al-anon to aid with those issues. Just like the A I might have known what choices would bring me success, but making them is another matter entirely.

For me, at least a year of Al-anon was a requirement before a book like that would have had any effect on me.

hawaiilover · Senior Member

This is a valid question. I asked my lawyer about protecting my assets from my AH. Not easy in a community property state like California. We put our property in a trust. Our vehicles have a large payoff in case of accident. Savings is in my name. Retirement account in my name. Checking account joint (only to pay bills). Living will - includes hubby and two members as backup plan.

Even legal separation does not preclude a wife from liability in CA (according to my lawyer). Divorcing the AH is the only way to be released from liability. Every state is different. If you are not in a community property state, the law is completely different.

I also did my own research online. So, my lawyer was right. I read an article online recently about this topic. The wife says that she keeps her money in a safe deposit box at a bank. Great idea. I will give it a try.

Blessings to all.

Hawaii

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

When I filed for divorce I could stipulate when and what I was responsible for as well as exAH. It was also an option if I was filing for seperation not sure how to do it otherwise without an attorney. For the State of Wisconsin anyway as long as we both agreed on it.

-- Edited by flopadopilus on Thursday 28th of July 2011 03:49:24 PM

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