The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ok so I pushed my spouse to make an appt. with the CASAC, I asked her if she made a 2nd one, I want her to change, I need our marriage to change, and I know all this thinking is wrong, wrong, wrong. I need a brain tune-up. I know the Serenity Prayer. I know I can only change myself. I still want her to change Lyne
PS. Why is there always a little firecracker by my post?
Hugs, changing our own behavior is always the hardest to do. I so understand the temptation to change the other persons, 'if only' stance comes in to play for me.
Take the firecracker as a compliment, that did make me giggle. ;)
3 c's
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
As far as a brain tune up they are free for the taking. I found mine in the rooms of Al-Anon, brain, body, and spirit. I also heard at my first meeting.....I needed to change. I didn't have much time for that because I was spending all my time and energy trying to change the alcoholic in my life, even though I had to admit it had not been working out very well over the years. Nothing had changed. Members in the rooms told me I was powerless over the alcoholic in my life, and my life had become unmanageagle. I had to agree.
Not overnight, but over time, practicing the program to the best of my ability, and attending meetings regularly, I was able to take the focus off my alcoholic and put the focus on myself. I came to realize she was going to do what she was going to, what was more important was what I was going to do. My life had been consumed by this disease to the point that I didn't know myself anymore.
I did need to change, and change my approach to this cunning, baffling, and powerful disease. The program gave me the blueprint and the tools to make those changes. My life is better and now I have time to do what I was also told at my first meeting.....Always take care of yourself first. It all took practice, but it was worth it.
Dear Lyne, personally, I don't see anything wrong with communicating to your spouse what you want in your marriage together. Especialy, if it is done in an honest and caring way.
In a marriage with huge problems, where there is no alcohol, isn't putting the cards on the table the start of dealing with a problem?
As we all know, she has to want it for herself enough to take action. I suspect you are frustrated out of your mind right now. Alanon can help you with that.
Go easy on yourself. Communicating your needs, as well as offering your love and support are a part of a healthy marriage as I see it.
You can click on the firecracker to add keywords to your posts line.
Don't you know we co-dependents (according to our A's) do everything wrong? I think its in the rule book..... cheers!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
(((HUGS)))) I am finding more and more that when I attend alanon meetings and take care of me, that I feel better. I get a brain tune up when I go to the meetings. I get one when I come here and I get one when I call my alanon friend. She helps me get out of my own head and see things a different way. I call her and complain about something or worry about something and she helps me get a new perspective.
THis spiritual program works when we work it. You are worth it, keep coming! I am glad to be here, and I am glad you are here too! Take care of you !
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Hi, I understand your wanting her to change. I want my hubby to change too, but it's not going to happen. I also want his sponser to change, but that's also not going to happen. I can keep bashing my head against that brick wall too, but it doesn't feel so good. So I guess I will change myself. And as I change and do what I want to do, he doesn't like it. That gives me some perverse pleasure. But I still change me a little more and he makes some snide comments about what I am doing, but I keep doing it. The only thing I can do is change me. I sure wish I could make him into what I want him to be. I know the person he COULD be. But I have to only make me into the person I could be.
Lyne