disease on the attack again, again again - Al-Anon Family Group

Tracy · ~*Service Worker*~

disease on the attack again, again again

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

Tracy,

I wanted to thank you for sharing that with us today. We are here for you to support you in your decision. You have amazing strength and courage. Just do the next right thing, little by little, this too shall pass.

{{{{{{In Support}}}}}}}}

Tommye

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs tracy,

Everything tommy said, as well as adding we're all here and rooting for you.

Hugs, love and support, P :)

Ps - thank you for the share :)

Otie · Senior Member

Dear Tracy, I agree that you are showing a boat load of courage. Your move is not easy, I know.

You seem concerned about your guilt, and I think we all battle that at times. Inappropriate guild comes from those little voices in our head that drone on so constantly that we no longer hear them, but, we sure do FEEL them!!They most likely come from programming when we were young--and reinforced every step of the way after that.

Go to the book ,CO-DEPENDENT NO MORE and read the sections on guilt over and over. I found that that helps a lot.

I understand that committment is a moral issue with you. But, I believe, one has to be very discerning as to what we make our committments to. I, personally, see no value to committment to a destructive force. Sometimes one has to love at a distance.

I hear that you are committed to your daughter. You understand that she has to rely on you to protect her environment so that she has a chance of healthy development. She is blessed in that way.

Keep the faith.

Sincerely, Otie

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

You wouldn't leave if he had cancer, but I do think cancer is too simple a disease (however serious and tragic) to be compared to alcoholism. What if he had diabetes and refused to watch his diet or take his insulin? And then he kept insisting that you should go out and fetch him things because his feet couldn't feel right because of the diabetes, and all the time he was stuffing down cake? And you knew you'd have to call the ambulance to have him revived again, but every time you tried to talk about it, he'd just have another couple of candy bars? You wouldn't be right (in my estimation) to leave him simply because he had diabetes, but you'd be justified (in my opinion) in deciding to take care of yourself and not him because of how he refused to deal with his diabetes. He's responsible for his own care -- not only should you take not have to care of him in his alcoholism, but you literally can't. The only thing you can do is to keep him artificially protected from seeing the consequences -- like that his loved ones are hurt and tired and have been giving without getting back for a long time. So the way I see it, you are not leaving his disease, you are leaving his choices. Hugs.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

tracy you know what, how do you know you would not leave if it were cancer? If he had brain cancer and did this, it would hurt just as much!

I didn't leave my AH becuz of his addiction, I let it go becuz it was the brain damage. He became someone I had no business being with.

If one is cheating, they it puts the spouse in lethal danger too!

I know the beliefs and the guilt about leaving the marriage, but if you are talking your vows, and Bible beliefs, we are free when they commit adultery.

hon I believed my vows too.Tore me apart to make the decision. But part of loving ourselves is to keep us and our kids safe.

Hon mine are grown but they hated how he was and it affected them. We are much closer now and they know I am safe.

Stress is sooo bad for us, our bodies break down too. We are here to support you.

hugs a lot to you,debilyn

pineapple · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Tracy))), I too hate alcoholism! I have nothing to add to the replies you've already gotten, just sending you hugs and support.

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

Tracy, sending you love, support, courage and hugs! Take care of you and the kids first! Work your program and trust in your instincts! I too hate this ugly disease!!!

Doozy · Senior Member

Tracy, just a quick note to wish you strength during this tough time. And mattie, thank you for that description you gave.that was well said.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.