The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
UGH, I have spent so much time denying emotions and all of a sudden I feel like a tidal wave of crap has hit me. It's like being emotionally over stimulated without the wall to hold it off. The Katrina of emotional mayham. I could really use some ESH please.
I have felt good in ways I haven't felt for a long time. With it also brings awareness that there are many things I need to address. I am still without a sponsor and working that line of things. I tend not to ask for help real time and that is a shortcoming on my list for step 4. So I'm not one to pick up the phone and call someone and say help.
In the mean time what in the hell do I do with the guilt and shame I am all of a sudden experiencing over things that are happening? I know I shouldn't feel the way I do, I did not do anything wrong persay. It's just the issue of old tapes playing. I am unworthy, unlovable and everything I do is wrong. What a load of crap!! I get mad at myself .. lol .. I think you ninny what the heck is wrong? I know it's not reality of who I am, it's risidual stuff that is just hanging on.
For the first time in a LONG time with the DUI on my side being resolved I am truly at peace so I was blindsided when I had this wow moment of WTH? Where did this come from?
I also know this is all of the stuff with the kids for the past year, it dawned on me my life wasn't the only one on hold theirs was too. I couldn't be everything to everyone and I shouldn't have been placed in that position to begin with. I get angry again to think my kids have been put in that place as well. Grrr .. I am mother hear me roar. :)
Thanks for listening to me ramble first time I don't have to get up at 230am and I was not sleeping at that hour I'm laying awake thinking about this!! LOL!! The irony of it all!
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Remember the sentence "easy does it." That comes to mind here for me. We have to remember to go easy on ourselves and not beat ourselves up. I am carrying that slogan with me a lot lately. I am trying to not beat myself up and to easy does it on me... Take care of you! HUGS! By the way, I was up last night too, worrying about stuff that really I need to just let go. HUGS AGAIN!
__________________
-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Sometimes I experience things like this too. I wonder if maybe you're experiencing a lot of really normal kinds of emotional patterns. Sometimes my mind will hold off during stressful times and then let loose with processing the emotions once the stressful event has passed. That's one of the things with denying emotions, they'll get ya with a vengeance!
I find that grief is like this all the time. It comes and goes in waves. I try to just accept that I'm feeling a certain way and not beat myself up over it, and then try to see what that emotion is about and how to best move through it. Sometimes with my acceptance, I search deep inside to see where the feelings are coming from - and during those times, I have been getting some of the most AMAZING revelations!
So - I agree, easy does it! Also, I find it helpful to watch the Hungry, Alone, Lonely, Tired in order to keep my emotions more regulated. (you might need to catch up on some sleep after those early morning drives!) And maybe try not to beat yourself up over these things. You've been through a lot lately and it's hard. Maybe as you try to accept yourself and your feelings completely, you'll see some new insight and continue to grow. The other thing acceptance is good for is the self-forgiveness aspect that helps drive out guilt and shame. Maybe meditate or open the question up in prayer. I don't know, hopefully that makes a little sense... If not, at least you know someone cares! :)
It was another restless night I'm hoping I finally keel over and sleep out of sheer exhaustion tonight. All night, I haven't had one of those for months.
Thanks for the thoughts. it was a very good weekend considering and I do think you are both right with the issue of easy does it. There had been a lot going on recently and I don't think I'm processing as quickly. I'm really thinking since I can't find a sponsor I may go into individual counseling. I keep talking about it and need to make the call. I'm sure the fact it barely dropped temp wise below 80 last night isn't helping lol.
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
