The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am working a lot at the moment so do not have as much time to come to this site.
I miss you all.
A short update. I am 5 years out from leaving the ex A in financial ruin. The aftermath has been a roller coaster of managing debt, disappointments, grief, rage and acceptance.
I'm now working a lot 2 jobs and tryign to get to a point where I can meet more of my needs and eventually move to another level. I'm not there yet.
I've gone through some real sticky patches. I had almost 2 years of wokring in a job that barely paid the bills and where I had an awful boss. The resentment was incredible. Yet when I left the job I never think about the place or th epeople. Soem situations are like that. I can let go. Letting go when I'm surrounded by toxicity and meanness and someone picking on me (which the ex a did all the time) is a real uphil task.
I have been working the program pretty hard and most days I can be in acceptance of where I am and who I am. Other days it is a real struggle to just get through illness, trying to take care of my animals and the bills. Some days are better than others.
I don't regret for one minute leaving the ex A and I know exactly why I hung on as long as I did I knew it was going to be tremendously difficult. I had to weigh which was more difficult, staying or leaving, eventually it got to that leaving was a lesser stress.
I have absolutely no contact with the ex A not because I dont' care but because I care too much and he could hook me into his messes in a minute. He always had them legal, financial, medical, whatever crisis it was it far supseded my needs at the time and always required every ounce of my live to try to cope with it.
I'm very wary of letting any more A's in my life. I watch my boundaries pretty carefully. I watch how I react around people and that's a pretty good indicator.
My dogs and cats were definitely affected by living around an alcoholic/addict. I could not weigh that at the time and every day I work on making it up to them. They are calm, collected and happy they were not when they lived in that chaos. One of the reasons I have them is because the ex A was so far gone he didn't take care of them.
That's all for now. I'm off to the second job. I'm proud of myself for once in my life for learning to be self reliant, self determined and above all boundaried!
So good to see you here again Maresie :) I missed your voice! I remember you from a year ago when I was here...under a different name then, but I am back now. Anyway, thanks for sharing! You were always a welcome voice....
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
It was good to see you again on the board. Glad that you are finding your way. We have to remember to be patient. We have lived under some "interesting" circumstances and it takes time to change behaviors. Sounds like you are doing well.
Woot woot, I hope you can come back and share more, it's always nice to have more people sharing their wisdom and stories it always gives me hope. P :) Hugs!!
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
