feel like i'm losing my mind - Al-Anon Family Group

lovecats · Newbie

feel like i'm losing my mind

rara avis · Senior Member

Dear lovecats,

I just posted my first post myself. No suggestions on the Ambien/husband problem. However, what helps me and my friends with life in general are "strawberries."

" Strawberries" are little things that bring delight. They can be actual strawberries. They can be walks on the beach. Or a hot cup of coffee. Whatever they are, they are little somethings and moments that I try to be aware of, and focus on when times get hard.

This won't help your big picture, but I hope it helps you get through your day/s. It has helped my friends and myself a LOT. Plus it's fun.

Hugs and many strawberries to you,

-rara avis

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I love cats too but hate much of their behavior..claws and teeth come to mind..

When we first come to realize we need help, we still focus on the A in the picture. As we learn more, we start thinking more, of how we feel. I feel.....I don't like.....I want to do this.....

We drop their disease, its not ours, its none of our business. We learn to accept others as is He is A, he is who he is, I cannot change him/her. Like the weather I cannot change anyone.

I can work on me to be happier in my own skin. I don't depend on anyone else for my happiness. Well human anyway. A's are very sick people, unless they are living a recovering plan.

What they do is insane becuz they are.Drugs and alcohol, affect their whole body down to the tiniest capillairies!! Their brains and organ and all are literally pickled. Instead of the compious amounts of water our bodies NEED they are getting drugs!!! straight drugs and alcohol.

What he does it up to him. We never know how much they use or what. I swear we could be handcuffed to them and they would find a way to use.

So we drop the rock, we let the bolony go, we can do nothing about it. We can look at our needs, our wants, desires and work on them.

If we choose to stay with them, then in my experience we need to extend to them the right to their own dignity to choose what they or their disease chooses to do. We are not their parent or probation officer or conscience.

I believe in having my own stuff in my name, have my own moneys.This disease is forever. I lost everything except what i have now, I mean my nice wrangler jeep, bank accounts,my perfect credit after buying two houses, lost my home,lost my health. and more.

Keep coming, you are on the path to getting lots of self knowledge! hugs,debilyn

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Lovecats,

I come from the stand point that we are completely powerless over the issue of addiction in any form. You absolutely have to refocus on yourself. What that means to me is choosing not to engage with the addict. You are not going to rationalize with an irrational person. I believe I can be just as irrational as my addict. So it's true across the board for me. I will go for a walk, drive, read a book, alanon or otherwise, get to a meeting, come on the boards, do what I need to do to stop obsessing with what may or may not be happening with my addict. I am not powerful enough to stop my AH from drinking. I have power of my choices in how I choose to handle different situations.

It really does get better, just keep coming back and keep sharing, it makes things so much less murky. :)

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

Love Cats,

I think one of the most important things here is that you have a sponsor and attend face to face meetings. For me what helped the most when the wheels were falling off was to call my sponsor on a regular basis, go to meetings with her usually 2x's per week and meet for coffee or lunch after. Whether on the phone or in person, I would be as honest with what I was feeling, doing and of course not doing.

When my house was turned upside down and I felt like the walls were coming in and the ceilings were lowering, I would get as busy in my program as I could. Whether it was picking up the books after the meeting, greeting a newcomer, chairing, or posting on this board I would do it just to keep my mind on pause from what I perceived the problem to be. Those actions saved me. So lean on us for awhile, call up that sponsor and have coffee, this too shall pass.

xoxo, tommye

White Rabbit · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello, Love Cats :)

Your post has such good awareness. You know what the problem is - and that's a better place to be in than feeling crazy with no idea why.

For me, when I got busy, I got better. If there's not an alanon meeting when you need one, see if you can find an open AA meeting. I learned much compassion for alcoholics in open AA meetings, which I find just as beneficial as Alanon for my recovery. Go for a walk or get a workout, go meet a friend to go shopping, just get out. No need to sit there getting more and more irritated and angry while he's sleeping (I TOTALLY understand this - not with ambien, but I've certainly sat there getting more and more furious while my AH was sleeping off his binge. I've woken him up to scream at him, too.) Go on with living life and find some stuff to do. Take your power back! ;)

Summer

bethlibart · Member

Cats,

Your husband should be VERY VERY careful with Ambien. I know a very nice man who was taking it who recently, out of the blue, committed suicide. It was horrible. He was my son's boss, really nice, funny guy. I recently read about some ex-Iraq vets having psychotic lapses and attempting suicide, then not remembering it afterward. Prescription meds are just as dangerous as alcohol and illegal drugs. This doctor who prescribed Ambien should not have done that. He should find other ways to relax --exercise, reading, etc.

I know how hard it is to take the focus off of someone else -- been there, done that. It is time to put focus on yourself -- I know it is hard to do but that is something we have to learn through this program.

Beth

-- Edited by bethlibart on Friday 15th of July 2011 12:58:35 AM

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Lack of sleep....wake up drunk and hung over....no motivation....depressed....out of sorts and not knowing what planet I'm on wondering why I tried to handle it without the pill and then lapsing into fear that it will happen again tonight. Two nights without sleep...insane feelings mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. The fear of it happening again...take two sleep aids and take them early just to be sure. I'm not doing it for the high...I'm really doing it for the sleep. Don't like being controlled by the fear of it and when I sleep the fear is replaced by gratitude and satisfaction. Just another perspective from an often sleep depraved person. My wife shows concern and empathy and has come to understand when she compares it to how she feels when she goes thru the same thing herself. I don't know how much help waking a person like this up and yelling at them is whatever the justification cause that doesn't happen here. Don't think it would make her feel better or me more rested. Some nights I try the popcorn remedy and other nights I stay up as long as I can till I'm ready to drop...some nights neither of those work and so after a 2 to 3 hour doze my brain and all of its loud, noisy, insane friends are stomping around all talking and no one listening and I'm off trying some meta-physical remedy that is pill less or trying to zonk on a book, TV or haunting MIP or a puter game or the like. Going sleepless is dicey on the whole system...sucks really. There is no more suprised and grateful person than I if I get 6 - 8 hours straight thru.

((((hugs)))) smile

-- Edited by Jerry F on Friday 15th of July 2011 02:56:57 AM

lovecats · Newbie

thank you all for your replies. they have been really helpful. just knowing that there are others who understand how i feel and what i'm going through is so comforting. i know i need to abstain from confronting my husband with my anxieties; i know it only makes things worse.

i'm really grateful for all your suggestions.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.