Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Grateful newbie and article share
Post Info TOPIC: Grateful newbie and article share
Doozy


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 288
Date:
Grateful newbie and article share
Permalink  

Hi y'all!

This is my first post in this wonderful forum. I have been reading posts almost every day for a couple weeks now and have found so much wisdom and strength from reading here. I feel like I already know some of you and already have so much appreciation for your honesty, humor and support dealing with such incredibly difficult and heartbreaking issues. There are some really wonderful people here.

I joined Alanon about 6 weeks ago and have been attending the face-to-face meetings about once a week and reading my Alanon book. I don't have a sponsor yet, but I am hoping to meet someone at a face2face that I connect with. I feel like I can't get as much out of the program on my own. It's already been amazing, but I know it will keep getting better. I know it's absolutely the right place for me right now and I'm SO THANKFUL! 

I am still coming to terms with why I'm here. Initially, I turned to Alanon in desparation as I neared the end of a 3-yr relationship with my alcoholic and addict boyfriend. I was definitely in need of help, heartbroken, confused, and still hoping he would/could change... I gave him a choice and he chose his addictions. I chose to leave. I loved him SO MUCH and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I am proud of myself and again, so thankful.

I feel much more peace now, but I miss him every day. Evenings and weekends are really hard and this forum has been a good place to turn for a reality check every time I feel like calling him. Chinup, I so identify with your postings lately! I haven't contacted him in 5 weeks except to talk about how to handle the breakup with his teenage children. That's incredibly hard too and luckily, I will be able to maintain some contact with them because we established a really strong bond during our years together.

Once I started to really look at my life, it was scary to see how generations of my family and how I grew up led me to this place. I'm really trying to understand that now and I how I could ignore (deny) such severe problems right in front of me with this relationship (high and drinking every day, driving drunk, emotional unavailability, rage, prioritizing the bar over his family, control, irritability, etc.). "Oh, that will stop. He's just stressed out." Seriously?! For 3 years?! Who was I kidding?! ... Myself. BUT the buck stops here and I do not want to repeat that performance (my previous serious BF was also addicted to pot). So... Alanon. And now my eyes are opened to the MANY other ways I know my perspectives are skewed. I feel like already my attitude and my life are transformed - and it's only been a few weeks! I'm in this for the long haul I know, and I'm so glad. I believe this truly is the only way I was going to find real love. I had to do this work.

So... I wanted to say hello finally. I love you guys already. I wanted to share a little of my story and how I"m feeling. I also wanted to share this great article from a recent New York Times about the medical treatment of addiction, Rethinking Addiction's Roots, and its Treatment.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/11/health/11addictions.html

"There is an age-old debate over alcoholism: is the problem in the sufferers head something that can be overcome through willpower, spirituality or talk therapy, perhaps or is it a physical disease, one that needs continuing medical treatment in much the same way as, say, diabetes or epilepsy? 

Increasingly, the medical establishment is putting its weight behind the physical diagnosis. In the latest evidence, 10 medical institutions have just introduced the first accredited residency programs in addiction medicine, where doctors who have completed medical school and a primary residency will be able to spend a year studying the relationship between addiction and brain chemistry. ..."

Peace,

Doozy :)



__________________
Green Eyes


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 661
Date:
Permalink  

<<Doozy>>

Great post! Thanks for sharing your ES&H- you are in a good place right now. I too turn to this forum on those lonely evenings and weekends. It works if you work it!



-- Edited by Green Eyes on Thursday 14th of July 2011 12:48:31 AM

__________________
Otie


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 381
Date:
Permalink  

Dear Doozy, you pose an interesting, and, yes, a currently very contraversial question.

I have worked in the medical field and behavioral field all of my life, and I don't understand why so much contraversy is necessary,

One thing that I have learned is that the mind and body are one continium--they can never be competely seperated from each other.  Certainly, addiction is a huge example of that.

I think the real challenge is for physical medicine and behavioral science to find ways to augment each other in serving the addicted person.   More mutual respect.

I realize that you are searching for knowlege---to that I say "fantastic".  As much as we have already learned we still have a  long way to go.

By the way, welcome---hope you keep posting!

Sincerely, Otie

 

 



__________________
Pushka


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3870
Date:
Permalink  

Hi Doozy, hugs and welcome :)

Wonderful share!! Keep up the good work and it really does get better, you are so worth it!! :)

__________________

Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
flopadopilus


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 662
Date:
Permalink  

Hi Doozy and welcome to MIP, keep up the good work!

__________________

 

God grant me the serenity 
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference. 

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
bethlibart


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 6
Date:
Permalink  

I am also brand new to this forum/website (just discovered it today).

I am an alcoholic, 12 years sober, one day at a time.  I am finding that I definitely NEED Al-Anon as I am DEFINITELY am an enabler.  I enabled my ex-husband for 25 years and when I got some help and decided not to do it any more, he ended the marriage -- at the time I had 3 young children under the age of 10.  This break up was extremely painful for me, actual physical pain, as I thought that he really loved me (before kids I had broken up with him 3 times and he begged me to come back).  I am over it now, and realize that it was good to experience this sort of pain, now I can share and understand others. Fortunately at the time my marriage ended (was it God?  I think so) I managed to literally wander into an AA meeting and found  what I really needed.  Fortunately it stuck.  

Long story short, my kids are now 17, 18 and 22.  When I compare myself to other parents who raise kids that are relatively "responsible" I find myself being (sort of) an enabler all over again.  My oldest son is behaving in an extremely flaky way, about one year (or so) left of college at a pricey school (his father's choice) and just kind of melting down.  The other two are not model children, either.  Just spent the afternoon in court yesterday with the middle one who got caught at a party with a group of kids, getting a long long talk from a judge.  She is going to have to pay $200 and do a 12 hour drug and alcohol class (I will make her pay for it herself).  The father tries to enforce discipline but at this point they have no respect for him because he is a financial disaster living off of his new wife.  It seems to be all on me now, but I am not going to let him put it on me.  My middle daughter is now working 2 jobs this summer and had decided to go to a community college instead of the 2 expensive private schools that her father thought she should go to (brother will owe $80,000 or so when he gets out, and she is too smart to do the same).

I got into a relationship that I still am in after 4 months sober.  It was very hard for me to be alone and this man helped me a lot, but I am not sure that he is the perfect person for me (is anyone?).  I feel OK now, have a lot of close girlfriends that I do things with, in addition to this partner.  

I wish you the best -- try not to fall into the trap of taking that guy back.  As much pain and misery that I went through, I do not regret my relationship or my kids because I take the responsibility that I was an active alcoholic.  It is very hard for me to tell my kids that they may not be here if I had gotten sober earlier -- sometimes they ask me how I could stand being with their father, that he makes no sense, I can only say to them "I used to drink".



__________________

another grateful recoverer!
GailMichelle


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1230
Date:
Permalink  

Welcome to MIP!

Your post reflects a lot of awareness. You are well on your way! I'm so happy that you've found Al-Anon and this board.

I'm eager to read the article. BTW, I could not access the article by clicking on the link you provided. I get a message saying that this article is not available at the address. Perhaps I can Google it.

Again, welcome!

__________________

You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light.  Lama Surya Das

Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die.  Malachy McCourt
Pushka


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3870
Date:
Permalink  

Beth, Hugs and welcome,

Please post a new thread so we can welcome you properly!! :)

P :)

__________________

Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
RLC


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1483
Date:
Permalink  

Big HUGS & a Welcome to Doozy and Beth,

I'm glad you are here. Keep coming back. We are all different, yet all so much the same.
All of kindred spirit and all here to help each other with experience, strength, and hope.

HUGS,
RLC

__________________

tommyecat


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1594
Date:
Permalink  

Doozy, welcome to the MIP family.  I am glad you have kept your eyes open and have found some of the info on the boards helpful.  We are so glad you are here and that you have found some peace and serenity in your local face to face meetings. 

Thank you for your post as I do so look forward to newcomers introducing themselves.  You did a great job letting others know what you have learned from the program in such a short while.  I think you have already helped many others here on this board sharing what you did, stuck around, read posts and warmed up to the crowd here.   We are a lively bunch with such diverse backgrounds and experiences.  I am so glad you have had the courage to post your thoughts for all to see.  It is through your experiences and those among us here that help bring healing and awareness to those that still suffer from the effects of alcoholism.

Respectfully Yours,

Tommye



__________________
Doozy


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 288
Date:
Permalink  

Thank you all so much for your warm welcome and encouragement and even more ESH for me! Tommye, RLC, GailMichelle, Beth, Flopadopilus (such a great name!), Pushka, Otie and Greeneyes, thank you!

Otie, I think you are absolutely right that addiction involves both the physical and mental or emotional components of ourselves. I think that mind and body are inseparable and illnesses can from arise from either, or and usually both. I always hoped that my ABF would seek help for what I thought were his underlying emotional problems, and it has helped me to understand why the physical side of alcoholism may play an important role in perpetuating the disease. I've also let go of trying to solve any of his emotional problems. Those are his! Knowing more about the physical side of addiction has also helped me not take it so personally, which has been a struggle too.

Beth, your post was wonderful. It was especially great to hear your encouragement not to take him back! I have to think about that every day. Actually, we broke up before just like you described and he begged me to come back and then... nothing really changed and I was miserable again. It's also so hard when children are involved. My BF had two young teenagers, I don't have any kids myself yet, and we were all very close. There were so many things that were so heartbreaking and leaving the kids was one of those things, but I realized that I wasn't helping them at all by enabling their dad. I also want to congratulate you on your own journey and recovery.

GailMichelle, here's the link that you might need to cut and paste to see the full article. I might not have been able to figure out this whole message board thing to make the links work...

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/11/health/11addictions.html

Thanks again for your warm welcome and I look forward to being more active here now that I got over my shyness :)

Doozy



__________________
bethlibart


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 6
Date:
Permalink  

Doozy,

Thanks for your reply.  I think that as women, we have a tendency to focus on others more and not enough on ourselves.  So much of the money that I made working extra hours bailing him out of his financial ridiculousness could have been more productive doing something else.  I have developed many more skills now that my main focus is myself -- although right now I am up in the middle of the night worrying about my kids!!  But really I have had a continual problem with free-floating anxiety which I used to self-medicate with alcohol.  Now I do Prozac (low dose) and exercise by biking long distances.

I can also understand your feeling bad about breaking up with his kids as much as him. But if he won't grow up and get help, you really have no choice.  Best of luck and stay strong!

Beth



__________________

another grateful recoverer!
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Grateful newbie and article share