Runaway - Al-Anon Family Group

Betterfuture · Veteran Member

Runaway

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Unfortunately when it comes to children there is no escape from the partner. I would encourage you to find out what your parental rights are through legal aide. I know that's my plan based upon events in my life. Hugs sorry you are dealing with all this at once.

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

I definitly get the pack up and run feeling all the time. My son is my A. I love him dearly no matter what but am just so tired of fighting this battle.
But with children involved that isn't an option. Have to agree with Pushka here and find out what your parental rights are. The main thing of course is to keep your child safe and do what you need to do to make that happen.
Wishing you the best
Blessings

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi there I just went through this with my ex AH and the courts have been helpful and we never had to get lawyers. We made an agreement signed by us both to not be under the influence of any mind altering chemicals when we have the kids. I have set up a couple days that work best for me so he can have them as long as he has there welfare first in his mind. Good luck and I am sending love and support.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I can tell how hurt you are. It is very difficult to be in your situation. Of course you are going to protect your child.

Going to share what my A, and many A's have told me. Never believe and A when they say they have not drank,will not drink. Its insane to. They can be drinking or popping a pill, snorting a line, shooting up and you would not know.

The disease is the sneakiest,conniving, mischevious disease known. I don't care if you ask him until you are blue in the face, he will not tell you the truth, it is none of your business anyway. Their disease is their own, they will protect it, go broke for it, chance killing someone for it, die for it.

Us asking about it is honestly insane. NOT talking about you, again in general. It's like catching your spouse in bed with someone and asking,"how far did this go?"

I am not kidding an A will look right at you and say,"I have not done anything" and BELIEVE their own lies!

Hon you are right to protect your kiddo. Most do not understand the seriousness of this addiction.It's weird. Would you leave your child with a drunk babysitter?Almost a stupid question, but people will leave their kids with a drunk parent!

I would not leave my guinea pigs with a drunk.

Keep coming, you are getting some great progress coming out there! love,deb

White Rabbit · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm sorry you're dealing with this!

Lying is part and parcel of alcoholism. If it weren't, each of us here wouldn't have found ourselves feeling hurt and betrayed by all the lies, hiding, sneaking, etc. Asking an alcoholic if he is drinking or if he is making progress in recovery is a losing proposition. If an A is drinking, they're probably not going to admit it anyway. If the A is not drinking and says so, we would probably still have our doubts. In my opinion, asking "are you drinking" is asking to be lied to, and is pretty much a losing proposition.

Can you get court intervention and ask for supervised visitation until he has a chunk of sobriety established? That way your child could still see her father but you wouldn't have to worry about policing whether he's drinking or not, and you wouldn't have to ask questions that just set you up to be lied to.

Just my .02 - take what you like and leave the rest.

clep · Senior Member

When my A was active he had no access to our son at all. I mean none. I took him to court, gained full parental rights and had his parental rights removed. The remained removed until he did twelve steps to regain access slowly over a period of a year. Strange looking back that it was twelve steps in total.

I was not willing to allow our son to gain all of the negative coping skills that would be required of him in dealing with an active A.

I spent countless hours researching and also found all sorts of information on his father that proved my case.

His father did not argue one bit and our son and I moved on with our lives. We had no contact with his father for a year. My A now says that lack of contact with his son was a motivator in getting his recovery on the ball.

My HP guided me all the way I believe. I was determined and worked very hard for our son's best interest. I had lots of people tell me that his father and him have a right to be together and I should let them see each other. I maintained my stance that it would not happen as long as recovery was not also in the picture. I'm very glad that I did it that way.

I did work hard with our son to aid in him learning all the things that would make their reunion successful when it happened. I did the best I could with what I had. HP gave me the rest.

-- Edited by clep on Tuesday 12th of July 2011 12:24:15 PM

Betterfuture · Veteran Member

Hey Yall thank you for your thoughts and concern.

I was wondering how I would go about proving that he has a problem. He has not been in trouble w/ the law due to his drinking. His car has been broken down for like 2 years and license was suspended for not paying a ticket.

All i have is a note from him saying he acknowledges his behavior changes when he drinks and he would start taking classes. I also have my family and friends that have witness his behavior when he's drunk but other than that I have squat. I am so worried for my daughters sake because he lives w/ his parents and his mother drinks alot as well and as I said before the pool and the neighbors and strangers that walk in and out of that house just makes me nervous because of my very trusting 3 year old.

Any tips would be awesome.. I really dont want my daughter to miss out on having a father because I was blessed w/ such a wonderful one. Everything that my AH lacks my father makes up for when it comes to taking care of me and my daughter. Please yall anything would help.

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