The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My final divorce hearing is on July 19th and as that day approaches I am getting so much more irritable and emotional. I know I am doing the right thing and have lived on my own for the last year. I struggle because I work 6 days a week with only Saturday's off to watch my 13 year old play her soccer games. I am just exhausted, I work so hard and things just keep coming at me which is life. My attitude usually is I can do this. Lately I am grieving and in fear more of my future. My exAH has been blaming me for our 3 year old have some bad teeth that need to be worked on because I give her too much juice. I just found out that he has never brushed her teeth in the last year on his nights with her. I got so mad and just wanted to scream, but I walked away knowing he will always blame me and not take any accountability anyway. I am so tired of him cussing at me and making me feel like everything is my fault. He told me brushing her teeth is another one of those motherly things that he doesn't do and because I left him it's not getting done. He is still mad about me leaving him when he needed me most. I could just cry all day. Whats the use of even dealing with him, except that I have to when it comes to the kids and it is beyond frustrating because he is not a rational or rarely sober human being. I feel overwhelmed and I just have to hand all this to God, but I am having such a hard time. Sorry so long.
__________________
God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
Girl, I could feel in your post how tired you are. Lean into us for the next few weeks. We'll give you love, patience, support and compassion should you need it. I find when I am completely exhausted like this morning due to a sick child, I need to practice self care. Otherwise, I am a ranting raving screaming banshee by dinner. If I am not good to myself, I am no good to others and my kids pay the price at the end of the night.
One day at a time my friend, one moment at a time. Just do the next right thing and this too shall pass.
Hugs, and so not long!! Sending lots of prayers of love and support. You are on your path and he has his own to go down. I agree self care is a must. :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
It is exausting isn't it. Our son is our current A. His needs and wants are so incredibly self centered although he would tell you different. And definitly costly until we cut off all funds. He had, had some good sober time under his belt then started relapsing ( he is on probation btw ) once he started relapsing we finally had gotten to the point where we had to ask him to leave our home. We offered to help once again by getting him into a sober living home but he had other plans and rented a room in a house with a bunch of other guys. His choice, he was working and could afford it. Wouldn't ya know he lost his job...never went to work high but always tired from being up all night or course it was everyone elses fault. We helped him out once again paying for his drug testing and transportaion as he looked supposedly for a new job. Well he was putting out very little effort in looking for a job so we finally cut off all funds. He couldnt afford the court appointed drug tests didnt have the money to get to where he needed to check in with his PO so he broke probation and was taken into custody. He was in thier rehab program but tomorrow he will be removed from the program and the judge will just sentence him. Likely 9 months. I get a letter of all the "things" he wants while he is in jail books, money etc still all about him. When he gets out he will be homeless, we have offerred to help him one last time and get him in the Salvation Army rehab program oh no that was met with anger and excuses. And why can't we just give him the money we would have paid for rehab for him to get a fresh start blah blah. So here is where I take the time to work my program like crazy so I am strong enough to get out of God's way and let my child hit his own bottom. easier said than done. But if he is ever to get better it is a must. Remember HALT ( hungry, angry, lonely, tired ) it saved my life. Wishing you all the best in your recovery Blessings
((((Flop)))) (you aren't really) Thanks for the memories; good ones where I learned new rules in program...one of them being..."I don't gotta!!" One of the reasons I was in and staying in Al-Anon was to learn and to learn how to practice new rules for me that we not written in my "enabling" rule book. Once my attitude changed and I was able to get the practice down I changed toward choosing how I "wanted" to respond to things rather than how I thought I "had" to react to things.
You get to own you and not let stuff outside of you own you.
It's not about him or her or they anymore...Now is is about you time. Yay!!
Sending my thoughts your way. You are a strong and beautiful person and your HP will help you through this. I am getting the same guilt from my exABF...just stay strong and know we are all here for you =)
Stay strong! I am glad you are here :) Divorce is hard, I did it last year and I let my ex get more than he should have because I didn't have program at the time to guide me. I am glad you have alanon to do it with :) HUGS!
__________________
-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
