Just say "NO" - Al-Anon Family Group

Ruby · Veteran Member

Just say "NO"

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

You sound very strong, and very smart. you are using all you have learned.

Has she signed up for HUD or some other agency to help her? There is help for people in her position, Human rescources etc.

If felons can get on Hud and get a place to live she can.

I hope you can stay strong. Hey next time you will say to your g son, honey that is between your mom and me.

hugs,deb

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Ruby, so sorry you are going through this, you don't have to justify anything that's hard though when talking to a teen. Sometimes it just is what it is, and there is no other explanation needed. P :)

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

You are really staying strong, that's so great.

It's true that all you have to say is "No." But there might be a silver lining to going through the teen. He's learning how to negotiate life, and seeing someone set healthy boundaries, and hearing about why (that you're doing it for your health and hers, and how that works, not just because you're a meanie) plants an idea in his head that might not have been there before. I think we all draw on what we learned growing up -- now he's had an example that's not chaotic. So maybe that's an up side of something that's a little more difficult for you.

Rora · Senior Member

This is a hard boundary to set and good for you for doing so. I like Mattie's response. What a gift you are gift the 16 yr old on how to make difficult decisions in the name of what is best for everyone.

I found/find too that almost every decision I made I felt like I had to justify. It was this weird system of making a decision and then running it by my A to make sure he understood and supported it. When I got out of the relationship, I realized just how uncertain I had become in myself. Slowly, I am making decisions and taking responsibility for them, without seeking approval from anyone but myself. If you are like me, you know what to do, you know what is right for you, what is best for you. Believe in yourself. Doing the right thing isn't always the easy thing. In fact, many times it is not.

Hugs,

Rora

Otie · Senior Member

Dear Ruby, I commend your courage. You have adifficult position and i can see that you love your grandson. God bless grandmothers who care for the children!

How much have you considered alateen for him? Maybe others here on the board can help guide you in regard to how to help your grandson. I'll bet that Debilyn will come forward with some support on this!!

Sending my best thoughts for you and your grandson.

Sincerely, Otie

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