The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In less than 24 hours I'll be in front of the judge dismissing the restraining order. I'm not nervous about doing that. Nervous of my reaction to seeing ABF there as well... in orange... and after not talking to him for a week. Tomorrow is the start of a whole new healing process....and a difficult one at that. If he even WANTS to speak to me, what will the conversation be like? Will he apologize for his behavior? Will he say that he's entering a program while he's locked up? Will he say I don't want to get help and I'm done with you for good?
I'm scared and content at the same time. If that's even possible.
(hope it's okay to ramble on here) :)
__________________
~Kat
Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
You ramble as you want .. lol .. I can't keep my rambling under 500 characters you are good. :) Hugs, I hate that feeling in the pit of my stomach as to what next. All I can share is that as much as I worry about something it is NOT going to change the outcome. My worry never moved a rock, what wasted energy I put myself through.
Can you make it to a meeting today? Have you been to a meeting yet? Are you reading any lit yet? Even just the newcomers pack is a huge help.
Based upon my own experience, my exDA did all of what you stated. Did he really mean it? In my case no he did not. I would say focus on the action of his words not what he says. Until he makes effort to do what he needs to do not for a week, not for a month, not for 3 months, I'm for a whole year. It doesn't mean a thing. It's all about control, ironically as to what your next move is, will you bend, will you break, do you really mean what you say? When my ex realized I meant what I said, he was furious to the point of calling our home and threatening me some more, it was all verbal abuse kind of stuff. I was not doing what he wanted me to do. It did escalate for a while in his case he stopped when he got tired of chasing me. Thankfully, it didn't take long.
Good luck I'm sending lots of prayers your way. Hugs P:)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I'm actually having a bit of trouble finding a meeting that I can actually get to. The majority of the local meetings are during the day while I work, or during the week 8pm or later. I will call the number on Monday and get someone to help me out. In a 30mi radius I see only ONE meeting today at 5pm but I have tickets with friends to an event that we've been planning for some time.
__________________
~Kat
Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
Well something will come up just keep looking it really helps especially when you are experiencing this kind of situation. For me I find it grounding, my AH has his own legal stuff he is dealing with and I have to go to a meeting if nothing else to just listen and take in what's going on around me. :) Enjoy the event with your friends :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Glad you got to vent... and i have to say it wasn't a long vent at all compared to how long I can write so vent away. As far as what your ex will do/say I would suggest ( as I had to be reminded over and over again ) to get him out from under the microscope and start/ continue working on you. Total focus on you and your recovery. I know that seems easy to say and it took me ever so long to get but the more you focus on him, his reactions, his decisions etc the more it takes away from your recovery. My son is my A ( and currently in jail ) he has gone thru rehab twice but as it was always court ordered his heart was never in it so it didn't work. In his mind he can do it alone or he can "control" his drug use etc. So I know how hard it is not to focus on your loved one. But so critical for your own recovery. Sending prayers your way Blessings
