The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
First I want to thank all of you for your immediate support and attention while I learn the ropes as a Newbie.
I've been reading through threads a good part of the day and I'm learning so much already.
But I have a question....
More often then not I'm seeing families torn apart by this horrible disease. Are there any treatment success stories? Of course I'm still in the early stages of acceptance of what I need to do but that glimmer of hope remains there that some day, some how... he'll get sober and we can move on with our lives.... is it even possible?
In my head I'm still thinking... okay... he's detoxing now... he'll be in jail for 3 months... IF he stays sober I'll consider reconciling... if not they'll be no way to do so... wow, so confusing. Hard not to worry about what the future brings.
__________________
~Kat
Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
I Didn't catch your Earlier Post... However, what a Great question ... Success Stories... ;)
When I came here I had just lost my father to this disease, and Here is My Success Story...
When I Got Here "I" was a Broken, Pissed Off, Very Unfeeling Person and My AFather was the Reason in my mind... He Left ME! A Statement he would often tell me was: "I May not have been the Best Father, BUT... I Never Left You!" Well Now he Had...
I came to this This Forum because was told of it by a friend, and I spewd my Anger, and Resentments, my inner Ugly-ness Well... and not ONE Person here, Judged Me, Pity'd Me, Insulted Me, but Rather Wrapped themselves around me, and Helped me see "Light" again, Happiness, and Joy... My Father Past in Nov and that next Jan 2nd I went to My 1st F2F ever... I walked into a Room with Mostly Women and One Man, and I watched and Listened and the more they spoke the More I Cried, and I had No Idea WHY? One Lady after I heard them all speak, just kindly said: "There's Still Time If you would like to say Anything reguardless of what got you here, your welcome too..." I Babbled on about loosing my dad, and being mad and mean, and all thee above... And when that Meeting ended and they "Hugged" me, I was Completely Confused... No Judgement or No Sarcisum about my Cituation, Just Hugs... (And Hugs was BIG to my Dad, Had to have the HUGS) :0) It Honestly Scared me to the point I wasn't going to go back...lol... But I Promised myself, 6 Meetings before you Bail! and I did, and this Jan 2nd will be 3 years...
My Success Story is, I still have a Siblings that are alcoholics, Husband that Bing Drinks (Thankfully not in a while) but that doesn't mean That I don't Love them, its just now, i have learned that They are the only one that can live there life, and I Mine! No matter what the Future Brings, What did "I" Do Today that Made ME Feel Good, What did I do for ME... I Had to Realize that tho I Lost My Father, he Never did Lie to Me.. He is With me Regardless of where he lives... Now it souly in my heart, but I'm ok...
No One knows what Rehab will bring, Not even the Addict, every day is a New Day, and we can only go "One Day at a Time" and the more we Reach for the Future the Further away we move from the HERE and the NOW..(At least for ME) . I know because I have done it many times over..That was My Insanity, This Program will only give what we give, and once we decided its time, the understanding will take over, and the sloagans will be a Piece of our everyday, to just remind us when to "Step Back" or Come back when the anger is gone, or committ to Not Raising our Voice to one another, what ever Fits You.. And what you Can Live with... Sure he is important too, as Are You!
Al-anon helped me Find ME... I'm Slowly beginning to realize, I'm Not So Bad ;0) And Once I Accepted my Part in my relationship and what I would and Would not tolerate, my boundry's were set, and tho I have tons of work still to do on ME... I can now decide for myself instead of deciding for my A's... I am Surrounded by them and yet, can still live Happy Joyous & Free, and Love & Accept them for who they are... I Have reached out to My HP and he has gifted me with some of the best People I have ever Met, I have an Extended Family now that Helps Support me, and many at my F2F I meet with Regularly and just Chat and it helps me realize "I Choose" My Life, And when I Love ME! I Love them Even More :)
I'm Glad your Here! I'm Glad you Chose to Reach out and Find Peace for yourself, life will never be all roses & fairy's but I have noticed that I Can Get up Everyday, and Start a New Life, It All Depends on How Bad I want it, and what My Choices are, I have jumped out the drivers seat alot more, and alot HP to Leave me instead of me trying to Control things that were Just NOT in my Control reguardless of what i thought before...
I'm Happy you found this Family here at MIP... I Truly don't believe you will be disappointed... i Know I'm Sure Not... Keep Coming Back, Keep Posting, and Before you know it, YOU will be Your Own Success Story...
There are many treatment success stories, and of course many that are not. The alcoholics in our lives have choices just as we do.
When I was faced with the same or simular concerns I found the answers I needed by attending face 2 face Al-Anon meetings. This is a wonderful time to start your recovery and find the answers you need. You have been reading proir posts and I'm sure you have read where others have found the help, serenity, and peace of mind this program can offer. Without question it's the best thing you can do for yourself.
You are already a Miracle In Progress.......Continue that journey during the next 3 months and your life will change for the better. Find an Al-Anon meeting in your area. Listen and learn from others who have walked in your shoes, and even those who are still walking in your shoes. Share your story with them if you wish. You will not be judged. You will be accepted.......and you will find a new loving family who understands you as perhaps no one else can. The meetings last approximately one hour. A small price to pay for the return you will receive. Stay after the meeting for what we call the meeting after the meeting. Talk to other members and listen to what has worked for them. Do it for yourself......you deserve it.
We have a saying in the program.............Try 6 meetings and if you decide the program is not for you we will gladly refund your misery. LOL
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Friday 8th of July 2011 01:26:53 PM
When I first discovered this site around 2007, I too, read a great many posts and began gaining some insight into this hideous disease.
However, the real healing did not truly begin until I began attending Al-Anon meetings about 5 months ago. What I quickly discovered is that I needed to hear real people at face 2 face meetings to really get it.
For example, I had read countless times on this board and in numerous books on alcoholism that I didn't Cause it, I can't Control it, nor can I Cure it, but it never sunk in deep enough to impact my believes or actions until I sat and listened at meetings. I had a wonderful psychologist, that worked with me for YEARS and told me the same thing. But he didn't have the power of those people who have experienced what I have.
How I wish I had not been so stubborn and got my rear to meetings long, long, LONG ago. But hey, better late than never
I hope you give meetings serious consideration.
Gail
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
I agree with all about the f2f meetings, go you are so worth the time even if it's just sheer curiosity, just go see what it's all about. :) The success of your story starts and ends with you. Just because he detoxes for 3 months doesn't mean he won't go out and drink the day he gets out, a week, 30 days whatever. There was a great post by RLC either last night or today, my days are blurred at the moment, read that there is no guarantee anyone will remain sober any more than we will choose to continue our recovery. We are only responsible for ourselves. The A is responsible for their own stuff. That's where the success story is to me is gaining the tools to learn to live my life to the best of my ability, regardless if my AH is drinking or not.
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Are there any treatment success stories? Of course I'm still in the early stages of acceptance of what I need to do but that glimmer of hope remains there that some day, some how... he'll get sober and we can move on with our lives.... is it even possible?
There are many, many who recover. The parents of my soon to be first grandchild have been sober for over six years and are wonderful people. Their AA home group alone includes over 400 vibrant, happy, and sober people.
Chapter 5, How It Works, in the AA Big Book begins "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thourghly followed our path." You might want to read this book for a better understanding of the disease. You can find it free on the internet.
At the same time, I've heard the figure that 95% of alcoholics die from the disease. So it's all up to the drunk whether they choose to live or die.
Btw, I have almost 12 years sober myself. I'm not sure my wife has 12 hours, which is why I am here.
Aloha ELEKTRAWMN...Please stick around with us and the open meetings for a while and leave your thinking at the door for a bit. At the end of our meetings we read "...if you keep and open mind, you will find help." What I learned in program is soooo much different than the thinking I brought into the rooms and only one of the many things I learned in Al-Anon was that I must learn to live in the day only...the 24 hours only and not in the past which I couldn't change or the future which I couldn't predict. I was free to live just in the now and what was happening now which was the only time period I had freedom of operation in and then I had the best freedom living in it using the fellowships ESH Experiences, Strengths and Hope.
For sure when I got to Al-Anon ...I knew nothing about the disease of alcoholism and didn't even know that I knew that. I was dumb as a stick trying to find my way thru a woodpile. I went from thinking and hoping something was possible to knowing that I had no control over anything and then to second guessing what it was that I wanted to happen. Did I really want that? Could I really have that. Was I aware of all of the things that had to happen and all at the same time in order for me to get what I wanted or hoped for and even that was trumped by the awareness that my spouse and I were complete victims of the disease and had been all our lives.
Today it is possible for me to live thru this day only and thank God it isn't longer than that. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
AA/Al-anon meetings and conventions are full of miracles in progress....and full of newbies willing to change
Recovery is a day at a time job...........
An A in recovery needs to focus 100% on his/her recovery, it's a tough, personal journey.....they learn in AA to keep the focus on themselves just as we in Al-anon learn the same.
It's a life threatening disease, and not just for the drinker. I'm willing to give them the time, space and dignity needed for their recovery, and give myself the time space and dignity needed for mine.
I have been in the program for many years now. What I have received are invaluable tools, resources, and coping skills. I took them all and applied them to my life one day at a time. The best gifts I gave myself are listening, learning, sharing, being of service, showing up to meetings even when I don't want to, silence when I need to, praying, reading etc. There is a time to speak and time to listen and learn. When I do service, I get better in my recovery. I've served as secretary, intergroup rep., hospitality person, etc. I volunteer for different things within the program. I keep coming back. I use the slogans quite often. I read literatures daily.
DEAR ELECTRAWMN, yes, it is possible for him to attain sobriety. HOWEVER--he will only do so when he wants it for himself. If and when he wants it, he will find his way to it.
There is nothing you can do to "help" him right now except to get out of his way. Most likely anything labeled "help" right now by either of you would be enabling in reality.
If you feel obligated and loyat to the "love" feeling, you don't have to stop loving---you may have to do it at a distance. The way I see it, the most loving thing you can do for him is to get out of his way so that he can find his bottom---and PERHAPS sobriety in his future.
Meanwhile, you need to love yourself and that little 9yr. old girl. Children need to be protected from the toxic damage of addiction. The are defenseless with no vote and no choice. The need (and deserve) a daily environment of security, love and enrichment in order to become who they are destined to be. That is a big responsibility as a mother---as I am certain you already know!
You need the same kind of environment. If mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
You are doing a great job of reaching out and asking the right questions. Just hang in there girl.
What I learned was that I HAVE choices. What I gained was my choices didn't have to be based on what another chose for their life. What I was set free by learning was I have THE RIGHT to be happy. I have the right TO BE CALM. I have the right to enjoy my life. I have the right to say what I mean and mean was I say. I have the right to hear how others survived and made choices for their own well being and incorporate it into my life. I learned I am worth the best life possible. I am worth a better life.
Hi..i would add....stick with it. Eventually, there is a moment of realization that it has all sunk in. I hadn't heard from my AH in a week. I started obsessing that he was dead...OH my God he was dead. I should have intervened (as I have in the past and it never worked.) and then,somehow, yesterday, something flipped a switch in my head and I realized...he will sober up from this binge when he is ready to- and that's it. It's is burden not mine. Good luck. I've been there, too.
