The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Good morning mip, and as ever some extremely useful encouraging and difficult situations highlighting the problems we face daily and the solutions.
Our son is almost three weeks living life on his terms, I heard yesterday he was having to leave the place he had been staying, that was great news to me, I want him to learn early and alot faster than I, that he has his own choices and those choices give him his own consequences, we have two children and the other one is totally different, and as parents I do wonder did I cause it?, I know I didn't but I take full responsibility for our son my youngest, witnessing my struggles with his dad, for most of his young life he witnessed me saying one thing and doing the other, it seems quite harsh now that he is the benifishery of the wisdom and guidence that I get here and in the rooms of alanon, but you know I am so greatful that I have found this gift, and can practice it on my beutiful son in the hope that he will get it alot quicker than me.
I heard yesterday that he has moved in with a girl and her child, our son is alot younger behavaurily than his actual 20 years, he only took one set of clothes no change of undies, no toothbrush, and not a penny to his name, I heard this young mother said to him, you smell, get out of those clothes I will wash them, and go take a shower, and by all acounts he just did, wow, this is not easy it's scary, I still worry about the past and the future, but I am learning little by little that I have no control over either, and right in the middle is me, and you die if you worry and die if you don't, I love these sayings, come the day I can say Yay I can really do all of those.
I read the new posts this morning, and I could see myself and identify with all them, and I can identify where I am in my progress with this programme, I can jump in step out, I can get it wrong, get it right, no matter what I am learning with everything is progress, thankyou all for sharing here, the magic goes on working even when I feel I am not!
"You die if you worry and you die if you don't". Ain't that the truth! I am right there down in the trenches with you. My son will be 18 in a few weeks. I have to make a conscious effort every single day not to do what it is so ingrained I do, which is take care of that boy and nag, nag nag in the process. He isn't here much and says he is leaving when he is 18. He found a friend's parent to be a great enabler, however, I can only imagine in time it will get old. He supposedly is going to the junior college in the fall, and has taken placement exams, but has made no other effort to sign up, for he is still too busy "chilling and experiencing life". He needs a reality check now, and not when he is 25, 40, 56... and has a lot more to lose. He has to do it for him, because as he operates on guilt and doing things because I say (and know), I just give him a person to blame and way out from taking any responsibility.
Hang in there, Katy. I need posts like these to give me the courage and the drive to keep pushing ahead with what is right. You are doing a great job. Thanks for sharing with us.
Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
We love our boys don't we Lou, they are just little lads, mine is just still playing, I wore my mouth out nagging, I just decided enough was enough, my lad keeps finding enablers, he is surviving in his own way, they say that blood is thicker than water, he is learning first hand that people are fickle, and I have to learn to let him, keep my hands off, my hubby is still trying to control him, I find this difficult because it causes conflict between us two, I struggle with how to keep out of both of thier ways, and just stick with what I think is best, this parenting malarky is the hardest job I ever done, but also the most important I feel that I am in a fabulous position if I work hard to change the history of my family. for the future generations, hope that doesn't sound Like I am playing god again, I just am so greatful, to have help and hope, where once there was none.
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
My dear friend, you are so very strong. I can see in your post you are detaching with love from your son. I am here in love and support for you. It is such a comfort to see you share this morning. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
Katy ((((hugs)))) and Aloha...your share reminds me of the early shares from the women of Al-Anon who brought their ESH into the meeting rooms to offer to others (take what you like and leaved the rest) and who gifted it to me lovingly telling me "Here Jerry F...this is how we do it...go practice". Getting out of the way between my alcoholics and addicts and their HP, those one - two - three steps was what saved my life back then and after reading your share I refeel the gratitude I learned to feel back then.
Learned behaviours indeed...I had to learn to live differently or just loose my life all together.
Ho`o maika`i...Blessings on you Katy Lady. ((((hugs))))
