"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

xdanker · Newbie

HOW DO NORMIES THINK

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

First good for you for reaching out! This is an Al Anon message board. It's for people who love an addict.

BUT I am sure it took a lot to face this and come in!

dana I am sure you know it is not that simple. We do have some great double winners who I am sure can guide you.

What I do know is an addict and non addict do not think the same. No one can tell you how to be what you are not.

You are your own special person. I am NOT telling you what to do. All I can share is my experience with the A's in my life.

My ex aH taught me so much. He was very open.

For an A, like us too, there is a process to recovery.I wish you could just stop, but we both know you can't.

When an A is ready, they must go to detox, then rehab for at least 6 mo. Then AA for ninety meetins in ninety days and on to how many they choose.

They learn how to make their own recovery program, fit specifically for them, you.

It's sort of a manual or map of what YOU want to attain. Some people work on being moral, follow laws, learn to play, learn to care about others. They learn to wake up and say, today I choose not to drink. This recovery plan is really what you are asking for.

But it is way ahead. Most A's need supervision during detox. Then in rehab you are basically starting over to do that which you want, to feel ok, to feel normal. Its a long process, but very worthwhile.

You have come so far just saying what you have! It's huge to admit having a problem. Shows great courage.

Please stick around and I am sure many others will support you, guide you. There is an AA message board too.

you are seriously welcome here. Love,debilyn

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Your question made my day How would I as a member of Al-Anon know how normies think ? The only normal I recognise is a setting on a dryer or washing machine . Louise

PS and I am sorry but if you dont like your life when drinking , try AA aparently it works if you want change .

-- Edited by abbyal on Wednesday 6th of July 2011 01:43:45 AM

All I can be · Senior Member

It is so good to see you in a moment of truth. I hope it lasts you a lifetime.

To my thinking part of the way to get sober is:

Spend a lot of time with people that have been where you are, that know the rewards of no longer being there. The kind of people that are willimg to help you on your journey.

Choose a best friend that is willing to help you along. Someone that can care about a person even when it is hard to care about yourself. Someone so unselfish that you can call them when you have a problem and they will drop whatever they are doing to help you.

Go somewhere where your needs are so important that others will stop anything they are doing and listen to you.

Get together with people that are aware of life and its pitfalls and have developed a kind wisdom. People that will forgive you and pick you up when you fall.

For me there was only one such place.

Bless you

Bill

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

Glad you reached out for help
In answer to your questions I have never known a "normie" nor how they think. As some said above Normal is a setting on a washing machine. We are all individuals and in working our program and going to meetings I have learned how to make better choices.
I do know this if you are fighting an addiction problem all the answers you get here aren't going to be of much help
I am here to strongly suggest that you do get to AA meetings and get a sponsor. Like any other disease you can not fight it alone. If you had cancer or diabetes you would go to the doctor and seek help right? The disease of addiction is no different.
My son is an addict who also refuses a 12 step program, has to try and do things "his way". His way has kept him an addict, in trouble with the law etc. Maybe its time to try something different huh?
I wish you the best
Blessings

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

Sorry.... the two sentences of:

"PLEASE DONT TELL ME TO GET A SPONSER OR GO TO MEETINGS"

and

"HOW DO NORMIES THINK"

are wayyyyy too intertwined to be treated separately.... my belief is that you can't possibly fathom or comprehend one, without the other.....

One of my friends in recovery loves to quote that the "worst day sober is better than the best day drunk".....

I wish you well in your journey, and there IS an AA message board on this site.

Take care

Tom

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome here, I don't know how normie's think because we here in Alanon are not normal thinkers until we have learned the new tools and worked the steps in alanon. We get sponsors to help us through it. This program works and you are worth it! I wish you well! we have thinking problems perhaps just as bad if not worse than someone who is an alcoholic. Take care of you!

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

I love Louise's response to "normal" cause that's about it for me.

Welcome to the Al-Anon side of the board. You will not be killed and eated here just loved. If you already have resistance to meetings and sponsor what "normal" thing could we ever responds with. Meetings and Sponsors "normally" will get and keep a willing and honest alcoholic sober and serene. I know from my own personal experience.

Normal is what is usual over a long period of time to any individual. Very few individuals are exactly alike sooooo "there ain't no normal".

When you get sober and life settles down and an HP a sponsor the steps, traditions and philosophies come into play in your life...spend some time listening to a "normie" and you might just say to yourself..."Gad this person is soooo nuts!!".

Clik of this page to the face page and clik onto the AA forum. Meet you there.

(((((hugs))))) smile

RLC · ~*Service Worker*~

In Webster's Dictionary the word "normal" can be found half way in between the words "Insane" and "Sane", and I think for good reason, depending on the balance of ones program. People living with active alcoholism have a tendency to set the bar (what is normal) somewhat lower than most.........we find it easier to be happy with much less.

RLC

Red Hawk · Veteran Member

If I ever find "normal" for sale anywhere, I intend to buy the WHOLE STORE and share it with everyone I know!!!!! smile

Seriously, though, it really sounds like you're looking for a magic wand someone can wave over you and change you from a frog into a prince. This may be a tough pill to swallow, but it JUST DOESN'T work that way. I've been in the program for 20+ years, and never once have I met a fairy godmother. If you don't want it badly enough to go to meetings, find a sponsor, work the steps, and actually DO the work of becoming and staying sober and taking responsiblity for your life, then no matter what you say, YOU DON'T WANT IT BADLY ENOUGH.

At least not yet. When you do, we're here for you.

Red Hawk

White Rabbit · ~*Service Worker*~

How do normies think? I wouldn't know. I grew up with the family disease of alcoholism and then married an alcoholic. Nothing about the way I think is normal.

Just because someone isn't drinking doesn't mean they think normally, that's for sure. Just my .02.

I'm not an alcoholic and have no personal experience with how to get sober. I've heard that going to meetings consistently, getting a sponsor, and working the steps are all things that the (sober) alcoholics in my life say worked for them. I haven't heard of any recovery programs where someone did not do these three things, stayed sober, and thought "normally" (whatever that means).

Best wishes for your journey - hope you find the answers you seek.

Summer

nice4ever · Member

I don't know if I'm normal, but if by normal you mean a non drinker or simply a social drinker, that would describe me. I don't drink. In my entire life, I once drank 6 beers at a party - only once when I was a young adult; and since just occasionally one or two drinks at weddings and such.
For me, I think fear controls my tendency to drink and be drunk. I have many fears that prevent me from becoming drunk.
1) fear I'll lose control - I am a controller, I crave being in control (of myself and others); if I am under the influence, I have lost control
2) fear that I'll fall and get hurt. I'm clumsy to begin with, I'm afraid of needing medical care.
3) fear of saying some mean things to people around me. If I'm clearheaded; I know what I've said and I know where to draw the line so I don't hurt someone's feelings. (control issue again)
4) fear of embaressment - I would never want to be the one dancing on the table with wearing a lampshade.
5) fear that my friends and family would bring up my indescretions every time we get together - I prefer to "fly under the radar" I don't want to be noticed.

I think these fears keep me from doing a lot of fun things. Sometimes I envy people who can be a little daring and take a chance; because I am the consistently reliable, kind of dull one of the group. But those fears also keep me out of trouble, and no DUI's (yes I'm afraid of getting tickets).

I've had these fears for a long time and I don't know that anyone is able to build their own fear base, so I don't think my experience can help you on your journey, but it could give some insight.

I hope you find a path to follow on your quest to remain sober.

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

I have always heard the only "normal" people are those you don't know very well. For me I have discovered that you can live a perfectly "normal" life as soon as I realized that my life will never be perfectly "normal".

Best,

Tommye

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"