The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've had a VERY rough weekend. I thought it was going to be wonderful because my husband was in town and we were having some extra money. It started on Friday. I took my cat to the vet because he had been pretty sick and not eating. Come to find out my cat was in liver failure and dying. So I had to put him to sleep. This was very emotional for me, but ultimately I'm happy that he's in a better place and I understand that the creator makes things happen for a reason and I was ok with all this. So my husband came home saturday and I had worked a double in order to have sunday off to spend with him. I knew that we had some last things to finish up at the apartment we're moving out of. We had planned to rent a truck in order to get everything out. Well, we couldn't get a hold of any place to rent a truck until tuesday (since it was sunday and a holiday today) So we planned for that. We were on our way to our in-laws to go to a cookout. My car had been having some serious issues, and died down the street from our inlaws. So they were going to work on it and replace alot of stuff and get it running well. My father in law and husband worked on the car ALL night replacing the thermostat, the spark plugs, putting some sealent on the radiator, and put new oil in the car. They finished this morning at like 6 am. We went to leave and it died just a few feet from the drive way. So they decided to get some sleep and try again in the afternoon. Come to find out this afternoon the car is just gone. The motor head is cracked. It would cost more to fix it than what the car is actually worth. To make everything worse, we still have $1700 left on the loan (approximately 6 more payments). So now I'm out of a car, we have a truck planned for tomorrow to finish the move and I need to go to work.
Pretty much all day I have been silently saying the serenity prayer. I cannot control the car not working. I need to put it up to my HP. It's just so hard to do this considering there is no plan as of yet. We are going to call our loan guy and hoping to be able to roll over our loan and get a new car. We are just broke at this point so we can't really offer anything down. To make matters worse I am having to ask my dad for help to get ride to pick up the moving truck tomorrow and then to get to work in the afternoon and get home in the night. He is a wonderful dad, but he constantly complains about my choices and my bad luck. He thinks that it's my ah's fault (who is sober for a year) and that he should be "taking better care of me." I love my dad and I know he just wants the best for me, but the last thing I want to hear is how all my problems are stemming from my husband and that I should have done this or that or what he wants me to do. I guess I want to be able to ask for his help without any "catch." I know that there are probably things I should have made better choices on, but we are getting by. We have a roof over our head, we have food in our place, we have hot water, electricity, cable, internet, and phone access. I just really keep reaching out and hoping that my HP will lead me down a path and give me the wisdom on how to walk down it. I know there will be holes that I will trip on along the way, but I want the support of someone to help me up, not help me up and yell at me. My husband is very supportive, but I feel awful that my dad blames him for so much.
I am so sorry that all this had unfolded just as you are attempting to move. It is a huge problem and I know it is hard to have the family so judgmental especially when you are both doing your best and just need assistance to get over the hump.
You know, you are powerless over how your father feels about hubby. Remember the 1st Step- Powerless over people, places and things.
Please keep using your tools, focus on yourself, remember to let go and let God.
Thank you so much for making me realize that. I know I have no power over my dad (who actually did have an alcohol problem when I was younger, but has been sober for many many years). Actually he surprised me. When I called him to tell him of my situation he was more supportive than I figured he'd be. I was very thankful for that. This weekend has been filled with so many downs, but I've been able to notice and be thankful for the ups I've had to. This is not what I would have been like a month ago, or two months ago, etc...
Hugs, being able to look back and see progress is a big uplift. :) Putting out some seriously positive vibes for you and your move. :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Even having a fabulous handle on recovery doesn't mean that no problems ever come up -- unfortunately! But it helps us weather the problems with less stress. You identified the problems, including your worry about your dad's attitude, and you chose healthy reactions in response (posting, counting your blessings and turning it over). That's a huge test of your recovery and you did so awesomely! I hope you're giving yourself credit. Now I guess it's time to put one foot in front of another and "do the next right thing." Good going.
Speaking as a parent ( one of our children an A ) we often give unsolicted advice and dad's are very protective of thier daughter's as a rule. None of this an excuse for your dad blaming all your problems on your husband. Kudos to your husband on his recovery. As many people who haven't lived with addiction or are still in denial I have found the following saying one of my favorites. " What others think of me is none of my business " I found that before I found my own recovery I was taking advice or taking to heart things that people said who had no idea what is was like to walk in my shoes or had thier own dysfuntions which were of no help to me. I now while i may politely listen to other people I imagine the word " unrecovered " or " uneducated on this disease" on thier forehead. They mean well for the most part but I no longer take it personally. I answer only to my Higher Power for my choices Hope your move went well Blessings
