The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This weekend of having no plans is getting me down. No one has called, invited me to do anything or even checked in to ask how my weekend is going. I don't really blame them - I haven't called anyone to see what they're doin either. My husband has been drinking so I can't speak to him or hang out with him. When he's drinking he picks fights. He's finally at an AA meeting - I tried to open up to him earlier as I thought he wassober but he wasn't and he initiates a self-pity party and ended up crying. I'm thinking of putting on the a/c, throwing Bambi in the DVD player and allowing myself a good healthy cry! Except that he'll be home before the uplifting ending and I'll get stuck turning it off mid-tragedy! Oh, to have a vacation home to escape to! At least one if the NY baseball teams won (hardy har har!).
__________________
--Mare
Grateful member of Al Anon
"Live in and for the day, each and every day, starting right now."
Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D., "Marriage on the Rocks: Learning to Live with Yourself and
an Alcoholic."
Hugs, .. it's the holiday family/friend thing I'm struggling with as well, truthfully I think it's hormones in my case and I would like to be left alone. It's just not working for me .. lol. I'm debating about making the meeting tonight, I just don't have it in me. Hugs this will pass and maybe you can have some time for your cry later :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Holidays can emphasize extremes. It's a bit more quiet here than I would prefer and for the first time in a while, I'm feeling lonely. I know that I can call people from the alanon list, call friends, and put myself in places where there are other people. I made a few calls, went to the mall today just to get out of the house. It's been a rainy, dreary day, to boot. I know I also had the option of attending a face to face tonight too, but resigned to being cozy indoors.
Tomorrow, I'll have lunch with my daughter, and, then will visit with a friend.
In the meantime, I'm enjoying my quiet time here in MIP, writing ( my hobby), practicing some yoga stretches, maybe finding a good movie on TV.
I hope you can find something nurturing or simply relaxing- just for you.
When it became apparent that my husband was, once again, intoxicated and didn't go into the AA meeting even though I walked there with him and his dog (so that I could take her for a walk around the park), I nearly lost it and thought about hopping in the truck and driving an hour and a half to my sister's or my parents' house. But my sister's place is booked (she's got houseguests) and my mom is another alcoholic, albeit one who is cheerful and fun on the outside rather than glum, miserable, argumentative and combative like my AH. So I took a drive to the west side and popped over to a place I used to go to as a teenager to take part in youth group events with my church. Although it was closed and getting dark, it felt good just to put my hands on the place and be closer to a place where I felt nothing but happiness, excitement, youth and the prospect of life before me. I found solace, held the doorhandle and let the place fill me with serenity, calm and hope. Then I came back home, found my husband in bed, turned on the air conditioner, did the dishes and had a HUGE glass of frosty cold water. I'm feeling much better. Not going to let myself be idle tomorrow, no matter what. I'm going to go find somewhere to have brunch (even if it's by myself) and bring my iPad to Central Park to read and just enjoy the sky. This too shall pass!
__________________
--Mare
Grateful member of Al Anon
"Live in and for the day, each and every day, starting right now."
Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D., "Marriage on the Rocks: Learning to Live with Yourself and
an Alcoholic."
So glad that you took care of yourself today. It does work. You have received some great suggestions as to how to spend the rest of the evening and I hope you continue to focus on yourself.
I noticed that you were thinkiing of a trip to Central Park tomorrow and since I am a fellow NYer I would like to suggest a meeting in Manhattan. If you have the time There is a great meeting in the VA hospital on 23rd st and 1st Ave It starts at 6:30 and end at 8* Maybe I will see you there
Keep on taking care of you.
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 4th of July 2011 03:49:15 PM
Hi Marianne, I understand how you feel. I have a hard time too when I am by myself. That is when I bring the self pity on and feel bad for myself. I think the holidays can bring on some emotional stress as well. The one thing that I always remember is that you are your own boss, and you know what is best for you. I am happy that you found a happy spot and immersed yourself in that. I think we all get in a slump sometimes, and we may not even know why we are feeling the way you are. Props to you for taking charge and doing what is best for you. Best wishes!
Hi Betty! I usually go to a 7:00 meeting on the Upper East Side where I live but I may change things up tomorrow and stop by the VA. If I'm feeling up to riding my bike down that could be a fun thing to do!
I'm trying really hard to reconcile a lot of stuff - I've only been married since April, 2010 and I'm really battling with whether or not this is something that I need to keep expecting for the rest of our marriage. I've never been married before, even though I'm 36 years old, and I'm still trying to figure it all out, but with this thrown in I'm on seriously rocky ground. I don't know if I'm being a good wife, or if I'm doing what is best for our future. But I know that I MEANT those vows that I made last year when I married this wonderful man and there must be a reason why God put him into my path. I'm pretty sure he'd be in jail or, god forbid, dead by now if I wasn't in his life. I feel strongly that I want children but don't know if it's fair to them to bring them into this situation. I know that no marriage is perfect, no parents are perfect, everyone's got their "lifey" things, but I'm really struggling with this stuff. I also know that I don't have to make any decisions right NOW - I do have some time to wait and watch and see how things work out. I'm proud of myself for making it through today, even if I did get a bit frustrated and raise my voice a bit earlier. At least I'm not sitting here plagued with anxiety and fear, and I'm actually very much looking forward to getting a good night's sleep (hopefully better than last night) and waking up to a lovely, warm, summer day tomorrow!
Wishing everyone a lovely and safe Independence Day!
__________________
--Mare
Grateful member of Al Anon
"Live in and for the day, each and every day, starting right now."
Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D., "Marriage on the Rocks: Learning to Live with Yourself and
an Alcoholic."
Oh, and I do inten to get that good cry in at some point! I need to get some of that out!!
__________________
--Mare
Grateful member of Al Anon
"Live in and for the day, each and every day, starting right now."
Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D., "Marriage on the Rocks: Learning to Live with Yourself and
an Alcoholic."
want a good cry? I got married to my current AH on July 4th! I have to choose between not making him mad or not making teenager mad - hmm, when do I count? Why oh why did I let him ruin one of the two holidays I love? (other is halloween - love those trick or treaters!).
__________________
I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Sorry to hear that, likemyheart. Wishing you well.
__________________
--Mare
Grateful member of Al Anon
"Live in and for the day, each and every day, starting right now."
Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D., "Marriage on the Rocks: Learning to Live with Yourself and
an Alcoholic."
I'm so glad you got out last night and returned refreshed. One of the many miracles of Al-Anon is encouraging that we take things one day at a time. For me, this is a true gift that I previously had not given myself permission to do. I work it with the fellowship, as I am not able to always stay in the present on my own.
I was married for 20 years and there are times that I still wonder if I was a good wife. I tried so hard to make the marriage work and be perfect- I didn't have Al-Anon until after the divorce- I didn't understand it is a disease, and I was hurt and confused by his behavior and actions. All I can do is the best I can with the information that I have and know that I am in a process, and, that I, like life, is not perfect. I am still learning to let things unfold naturally, rather than to force things, or cut things short from a place of fear.
I know this is alanon and you are supposed to focus on you but it does sound like your husband is trying "some" and that is better than his being in total denial and not going to any meetings.
When in doubt, try praying. Sounds corny but the time alone could be well spent getting to know your higher power better and doing some meditation. You have the rest of your life to attend party functions or whatever. Now is a good time for you to invest in your own spiritual progress.
When you spend time praying and meditating, it might seem like you are doing nothing, but your are really doing something very important.
Mark - he IS trying. So hard. He doesn't understand why he relapses anymore than I do. He's frustrated with himself and iboften find comfort in being strong and supportive for him. I spent most of the weekend outside - today we had an awesome bike ride and made fresh pesto out if basil from our garden. He had obviously been drinking but now we are watching a movie peacefully, without tension. I'm not letting on that I know he drank, I'm being loving, gentle, kind and appreciative of this nice time we have to spend together! Not sure I would want like to be this way forever, but for now I'll take it!
__________________
--Mare
Grateful member of Al Anon
"Live in and for the day, each and every day, starting right now."
Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D., "Marriage on the Rocks: Learning to Live with Yourself and
an Alcoholic."
I'm often amazed at how a little compassion can go a long way with the people in our lives and sometimes strangers as well. Sounds like you had a nice weekend in spite of your A drinking you had a serenity filled night. Which is always better than a knock down drag out Jerry Springer connection fight (that's suppose to be a joke :)). Seriously what a lovely day for you :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
