The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So.. I dont know what's going on. I have made an appointment with my doctor next week. I have been feeling numb but anxious and just really strange.
I felt like I was okay since we separated... sad, but ok. However, these past few days have been really strange. I just feel so BLAH. IDK how else to explain it. I feel like I've felt so many emotions and now i just desensitized myself to everything.
Is this a normal feeling in the beginning of recovery?
I wish I could just erase my life and relive it. (but still getting to keep my daughter). I'm wondering whether or not I should move out of state again. I have a friend that would take me n my daughter in while i got on my feet.
My AH was supposed to send me some money this week knowing I would not have enough for rent but I recieved nothing.
I dont think i'm getting anything i'm not suprised figures he'd leave me in another financial crisis.
Anyway just pray for me yall, I'm feeling strange.
thanks
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I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once.
I felt and still feel the exact same way. It is getting better that I am starting to feel feelings againg. I turned myself off for years toward my exAGF. I am just really starting to get the feelings back. It takes such a toll on the rest of your life. I found that I was not enjoying the rest of my life havingher in my life because I was on lockdown emotionally. I know exactly how you feel. I suggest going to f2f meetings to hear other's stories. It makes a huge difference. And when the time is right for you, get a sponsor. You will not regret it. Mine has been there for me where no one else can. Not mom dad brothers or friends. They just dont understand what you are going through. No one can until they have themselves been through the ringer.
I agree that the belated rush of emotions is shocking at first. What an apt way of putting it too, as being on lock down because that's exactly what it is. F2F meetings are a must because knowing you are not alone in finding your way back to feelings is so hugely important. If you can't find a sponsor, I'm in that position right now, coming here makes a big difference for me. That and reading alanon lit and just knowing that what I am feeling or not feeling is totally normal. There are going to be good days and some days that are challenging. I've always said my AH has lacked coping skills, I'm now really seeing how much I lacked them as well. We all just do the best that we can in any given circumstances. Hugs.
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Im separated from my husband for almost 4 years, the first 6 months were difficult. I was torn, didnt want to be with the alcoholic, but didnt want to be alone and starting over at 62. I was the one that wanted it, to be away from the direct effect of this disease. Lets face it, were are addicted to the addict and having all the problems and issues it brings, otherwise we wouldnt have stayed so long. (26) years.
Its when we we need alanon and a support system even more. What do we do now??? We are left with one goal , to get ourselves to live the best life we can.
All these feelings will pass, if we start living one day at a time and practice Alanon even harder and determine that we will win over ourselves.
Addicted to the addict...rats! So here is the Twilight Zone for my numbing-currently with my spouse I feel guarded, numb, sad, lonely, and so very disappointed. But even with my dogs, with my son, other people, I feel alive and have emotion. I realize you are recently separated and that is very hard, coping with theloss. I hope you find yourself soon. I'm working on it for me. The message board here is a huge help. Lyne
I'm feeling a little better today. I'm glad you guys understand how I'm feeling and I am sorry yall had to feel this way.
Bettina... when you said we are addicted to our addict it put into realization that that is my case. I never wanted to admit it I guess but it is unfortunately true.
Jam and Push... emotional lockdown is the best way to describe this strange feeling. Its just all so new to me. I'm a very emotional person but I felt like all my emotions just stopped and I was empty.
I'm going to a f2f on Tues evening and hopefull I can make a connection with the other members there. Its step study so I'm really eager to get started. THanks for the love and support and HUGS back!
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I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once.
Im separated from my husband for almost 4 years, the first 6 months were difficult. I was torn, didnt want to be with the alcoholic, but didnt want to be alone and starting over at 62. I was the one that wanted it, to be away from the direct effect of this disease. Lets face it, were are addicted to the addict and having all the problems and issues it brings, otherwise we wouldnt have stayed so long. (26) years.
Its when we we need alanon and a support system even more. What do we do now??? We are left with one goal , to get ourselves to live the best life we can.
All these feelings will pass, if we start living one day at a time and practice Alanon even harder and determine that we will win over ourselves.
Best Wishes
Luv, Bettina
My qualifier is not an alcoholic, although he has some of the traits. He is non-committal and often rejecting, and I have been hanging on to him for 25 years. I am 59. He has often abandoned me and did it again yesterday. Each time I think it's really over. I feel miserable today. I wanted to find a meeting but there aren't many around here any more.
My ex H was an alcoholic and I was in alanon for years. But a lot of the meetings closed or became very small. I have been trying to do the steps and I read Hope for Today.
I feel sad and don't want to be alive right now. My life has been really good the past year, going places and having fun without him. He won't go with me. My new friends all think I am single. But at least he would call me every day and I would see him once a week.
I guess I am addicted to him, but I would rather think I love him. But he probably doesn't love me the same way. I don't know. I have been hanging on all these years, maybe because I don't think I am worth much and no one would want me and I don't want to feel completely alone.
Now all I have is my HP. That's all I need, I realize, but it doesn't feel that way. I want my qualifier and I can't stop crying.
I wanted to extend my hand and welcome you to MIP. I see you are a newcomer to the forum. I would like to encourage you to introduce yourself to the forum by starting a new topic. There are so many people here that understand your feelings as few others could. Please stick around and get to know us awhile. We are here for you in support.
I wanted to extend my hand and welcome you to MIP. I see you are a newcomer to the forum. I would like to encourage you to introduce yourself to the forum by starting a new topic. There are so many people here that understand your feelings as few others could. Please stick around and get to know us awhile. We are here for you in support.
Thanks BF. I always like to make people feel welcome and wanted here, much like I was when I was new. It gave me the courage to share on the board when I was welcomed with open arms.
I am so glad to be of service, keep your eyes open too. There have been a few newbies that post to older posts and get lost when the thread begins to age.
It is always a pleasure to read your posts. Thank you for your contribution to the boards. Happy 4th!
