The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello to all. I am oldgraduate and have just joined. I have a long history with a drinker, my husband. He will say he's not an alcoholic, but uses alcohol in a nonconstructive way. I grew up believing all drinking was wrong, he grew up seeing his family drink every day. We have had issues in our marriage of 35 years that have caused anger and resentment and mistrust of each other. When I started really asserting myself and demanding to be heard and respected, he drank more. It ended up that his anger was taken out on me, and at that point I had to take action. I got back into counseling, stopped covering for him and let the kids and family in on the situation, and put my foot down. He is in counseling, things are great and he is only taking a drink here and there, but never around me. He says he has gotten over his anger, forgiven old hurts, but I am cautiously optimistic. And I find myself fading back into old patterns of not asserting my own individuality and desires. I know I am affected by living with this for so many years and need to learn to let go and see his behavior as what it is, rather than take it as a personal rejection of me and something I need to control. I told my counselor I would go to an al anon meeting; actually went years ago and read the Courage to Change book every day, but I need more and going to meetings in town is hard to do. I hope to find insight and support here, and knowledge. I am eager to learn
Keep coming back and I hope you can find additional support in your town. f2f meetings really can make a large difference because there is so much about hearing someone's story. There are meetings online I have yet to be to one of those. It's just so important to keep coming back. :)
P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Welcome to MIP and al-anon fellowship. I too went years and years ago and then 24 years flew by and I was in the same pattern. It does affect how we think - Im glad u found ur way back again. We have a chat room that has two daily mtgs in it and live people pop in and out all day long-- go in and talk to people in real time. The support and understanding is life changing and it works as long as we work it! Focusing on YOU and what you need is the first steps... you are not alone anymore.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Welcome, I am so glad you are here. I am happy you have had some exposure to face to face alanon meetings. This place is great, we have quite a few of us who have traveled the same unhappy road also and found serenity and peace of mind. Stick around, get to know us a little better. We are here to support you any way we can. Please consider getting back into face to face meetings. The love and support of members there is priceless.
thank you for the welcome words. I am thinking about going to a newcomers meeting tonight. After the long weekend, I feel I really need something. My husband was working in his home office most of the weekend and I just sat around all day Saturday and most of Sunday. He had been to his folks on Friday and drank there like he always does. When he got home he was late and we had to change our plans for going to dinner and watching the fireworks. It all worked out fine, but I was really angry that once again he drank and so it flavored the entire weekend. I find myself wondering if I really want to make this work or not. By yesterday I felt very neglected. When I am angy with him, he stops showing me any attention. And I, of course, I stopped showing him any. But by yesterday I was mad that we had not done anything and so I startd an agrument with him. When he left to cool off, I realized how very dependent I am on him for my every move and my mood. I hate that. I feel it's probably codependency. So I downloaded a book on it to my kindle and started reading. This morning I told him I was planning on going to an alanon meeting tonight. He said " I don't care what you do" and I said "Well I need to learn to not care what you do" and then he said "you're never going to be fixed, you love the drama". It really hurt, but also made me wonder if he's right and also if I really want to even continue to work on this marriage and fixing myself. I sometimes think I'll just leave him, but I figure the same issues would keep coming up again and again with someone else. And I really hate it that it upsets me so that he drinks. I have to admit he has curtailed all drinking around me and I have only caught him a couple of times at home, but he insists on drinking at his parents house and I hate the way he acts when he has been drinking and I hate the way I respond to it. I really need some help understanding this.
Love your awareness and your willingness OG, things can and do change for the better whether the drinking continues or not. As we say in Al-anon it works if you work it.
