Good questions, and one I'm sure many newcomers have.  Most of us when we first come to this program have no idea that *we* are supposed to get a sponsor and work the steps.  I know I sure didn't.  I always thought that step stuff was only for the addict. 

A sponsor is someone who has alot of program experience, has found serenity through this program regardless of what her alcoholic/addict is or isn't doing, has learned how to trust her Higher Power, and has worked the 12 steps herself with her own sponsor.  That person can help you work through the steps, all twelve of them.

The steps are the same for all, but some prefer to do the step work differently.  I for one, when I sponsor someone I use the Big Book of AA as a basis for step work for each step.  Thought provoking questions, (lots of them)  questions that force you to focus on yourself, your motives, your thoughts.....You You You instead of on your addicted loved one.

You'll know that you are really working the steps once you are doing it with an experienced sponsor.  You'll know because you'll see and feel the changes in yourself, your mindset, your peace level, your acceptance of things you cannot change nor control.  Your life will become more manageable, and even happy!