I am trying to change my outlook on life. I am so tired of living like I don't deserve to be happy at times. I am so sick & tired period of the way I have changed since I returned from my trip!

Luckily I can actually see where I went wrong without beating myself up too much! I just want to forget the past & move on but I am still stuck in some ways. I guess when someone(me) does something so crazy & mental, it is hard to move on! I spent the time I was on my vacation wandering around trying to find myself while getting lost! I had to depend on someone to help me get back to where I was staying. Now I have said what I didn't want to say before in my last post. I am sort of trying to get all this out in the open so I can be fully honest w/ myself. I realize now that I am not in control of my own destiny but why do I have to hurt so much over something that is in the past?

At least I know that no matter what I still have a chair in our Alanon meetings. Maybe the situation I was in warrants a "special" place for me. I have so much healing to do(and will always)---I am a work in progress.

I hope somehow I can help others who slip or relapse in their program--THE PROGRAM!

There is no excuse for giving up! I am a very good example of what it takes to come back even when it hurts to face whatever it is that is holding me back from recovering.

Hang in there y'all! We all will love you until you love yourselves.

Kathleen