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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Last night...
Post Info TOPIC: Last night...
usedtobeanyer


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Last night...
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About a year or so ago, my wife and I had tickets to go to a concert at Radio City Music Hall in NY. Her all-time favorite artist was performing there and I bought her the tickets as an anniversary gift. She was so excited and even though I don't care for this artist much, I was excited as well. Anyway, the night of the concert, she was a wreck. I never determined what she was on but it was significant and she wasn't all that coherent as we drove in to the city for the concert. 

The concert itself was quite good, but I felt so sad throughout it. I hadn't started Al Anon yet and I just felt horrible and didn't know how to deal with this situation. At one point, the performer sang a really romantic, sweet song and I found myself crying. My wife noticed and she tried to comfort me. She never asked why I was crying and we never talked about it but I know she knew. I really just felt like I brokedown. 

Anyway, a lot has changed in the last year, both of us are in program and we're both making progress. Oddly enough, this performer came back to our area for another concert. We went last night and I won't lie, I was really anxious about how she would be. She's been struggling a lot lately and I've been able to detach from things pretty well, but last night was going to be different because it was just going to be her & I together for the whole night. She was doing well as the day wore on, and I was trying to apply the Al Anon principals, telling myself that I'd enjoy myself at the concert no matter what her condition.

Shortly before we left, she went into the bathroom with her purse, and I know she keeps her pills in there (she's been abusing Valium lately). I felt myself tense up but I just walked away and tried to keep myself from falling into the same old traps. In the old days, I would have interrogated her--why did you go into the bathroom (yes, I would have asked her that. How sick was I?!)? Why did you take your purse? Did you take anything? I waited and waited--30 minutes, 60 minutes...told myself I would have seen something by now if she took something. She was the same. 

The concert was wonderful. She was sober. We held hands, hugged, cried for the right reasons...talked and laughed. It was a great night, and a gift. I'm not letting myself get sucked in--I know she's still sick, and I know I need to take care of me and I'm not going to let my happiness be determined by how she is doing. She went to bed at 8:30 tonight in tears, so I know she still has a lot of work to do. But it was a wonderful night, and a wonderful gift and so encouraging to see that things can get better...



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Debilyn


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The red flag I saw here was your saying you both are on program and doing well. Then you shared she is abusing valuim...

What she does is her business. My concern is possibly your being in denial. The body does not care if it is heroin, alcohol, narcotic drugs, the addict cannot handle any of it.

I guess I am hoping we learn to keep it real. Look at your own program, looks like you are making progress! Always To Thine Own Self be True.

hugs,deb

 



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

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hotrod


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Hi Usedtobe

Wonderful experience  I am happy for you. biggrin

 I do love to reflect back on my behavior of a month ago or a year ago.  How powerful it is to  see the progress  achieved.  Good job for not asking the question about the purse and the ladies room   So glad you both enjoyed th concert.

One Day at a Time it is OK to include fun!!

  Recovery from this devastating disease is thru " Little Victories".  The program works and you and your family are worth it!!!!

Thanks for the positive update.



-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 26th of June 2011 10:39:34 PM

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

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Christy


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So glad you found out you can still be happy..That's how we roll biggrin



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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them.  And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
RLC


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Usetobe,

It doesn't take much to make us happy. Insignficant to others and huge for us. But those times make it all worth it. What a difference a year makes!!

Proud For You,
RLC

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Jerry F


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Aloha Usetobe and thanks for the proof in the programing.  "We can be happy whether the alcoholic is still drinking (or using) or not".  God did I ever think Al-Anon was a crazy place for those statements until like you it also worked for me when I also worked it.

You both done good and truthfully I never knew if mine was using either when I didn't make it any of my business.  I use to suspect that she put vodka in old small perfume bottles to supplement what the bar was serving.  Great imagination from a very disturbed mind.

Good share...you're growing up good!!  (((hugs))) smile



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