The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ok, I am new. Well, sort of. I joined a face-to-face group about a full month ago...I have a sponsor who offered her services during an open group meeting after I shared some of my horrific life stories.
I am not 100% sure about the expectations of a sponsor what should i expect from her and what she should expect from me.
i have some questiosn i would like to post on here that are so personal i don't know where to begin
Aloha...and welcome...yep it take courage to begin the recovery process. It's great you are following up with the suggestions especially getting a sponsor. Expectations of a sponsor? mine were that I would find more ready and available help in recovery besides the meetings, literature and shared experiences. What was my sponsor(s) expectations of me...after getting more experience in face to face meetings?...a more valid honest and humble attempt to build a recovery program for myself. Mine wanted openmindedness and whatever qualified and quantified attempts I could come up with to followup on their support.
I didn't share stuff about myself that I felt uncomfortable with for several reasons until I had learned who to self manage for a while. I also had trust issues when I first got into program like not trusting anybody or believing anything they said. I had to learn before acting out otherwise I would keep doing the same old things over and over again expecting different results.
Take your time for now. You didn't get here over night and you won't find solution over night either...."Easy does it". Bring this share up with your sponsor and listen openmindedly. Ask for her ESH and for direction...what she did to earn her sanity and serenity.
There is a pamphlet called "Sponsorship, What Its All About" It should be on the literature table at your local meeting. The sponsor I picked suggested that I get a copy and read it before our first meeting. I think it will really clarify many questions you will have regarding sponsorship.
Yes, thank you! I do have this brochure.....somewhere in the storm of my apartment. I have had to move several times and other complications in my life...yes, I know this will not sound surprising. My life has been a little chaotic, more since recently since I came to realize some things. Still some of this is quite hard for me. I left my home several years ago. But, essentially believed I wasn't really separated cause we were sort of trying to work things out. Well, recently I felt like a brick hit me over the head. After going to several meetings, I realize my marriage of 35 years is really almost too far gone. My sponsor said to wait a year before making any important decisions, but I have been working with a counselor for just over five years. She said to me, "what have you been able to accomplish in your marriage in 5 years?" To be honest, nothing has changed it has only become worse to the point of physical stuff now.
Thank you! I realize I need to remember ESH, but I guess it is going to take time to plant some of those seeds into my brain so I can remember them, especially when things are just too hard or lonely.
Self managing? Well, I guess I screwed that up. I just melted everywhere I went it seemed. I felt like my whole world fell out from under me. I truly have lived in a very controlling marriage for so long, I honestly did not know what to think or do for myself. I am not saying it is his fault. I know we both played a part in all this. I too willingly accepted the role of victim. I wonder how long before I will feel better about peeling away the layers. I have already had some powerful and positive experiences. Some odd ones too....when I say experiences, I mean emotions. My goodness, I guess I have stuffed everything for so long, I did not feel anything. Some of the feelings, like I said are so personal, I don't know who to talk to about them.
I am glad to hear that you have a sponsor and are working the program. Just keep showing up, using the slogans, living one day at a time, follow your sponsor's suggestions and you will peel back the layers of negative defenses that you have built. You will uncover YOU and find the serenity, courage and wisdom to live your life .
The program works it, It is a process and in a year you will be amazed how far you have come
Keep coming here and sharing the journey. I would keep the really intimate details to sharing with your sponsor or face to face fellow members.
One suggestion to people in violent situations is to have a escape plan. Like having a extra set of house and car keys made and hidden, a stash of cash for a motel etc., a bag with clothes kept in the trunk or at a friends house and if you have a cell phone, keep it accessable. You and your safety come first. Being prepared can make escaping a bad situation easier and definately keep it from escalating.
Take care,
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I received the same suggestion from my sponsor about waiting one year to make a major decision in my life unless there is physical abuse. I am so glad I waited. Things have turned around in my marriage and I am so grateful to the program and my sponsor for guiding me through the steps.
Yep, COURAGE is one of the biggies I need. I guess I have been ruled by fear for so long, I did not even realize it. Yes, at some level I knew I was afraid, but only through the doors of this program have I begun to SEE what I have been doing to myself and how I have shut my HP out of my life. No wonder my life is full of chaos :)
ESH...at first I thought that sounded like a lot of other things in my life...a nice catchy little phrase that sounded good...but. ONLY within the last 24 hours have I truly come to a beginning of understanding those three words. You and a couple others on this site have provided me a dose of ESH that moved me out of the spot where I was so stuck. THANK YOU!
