The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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I feel like I take 2 steps forward and 3 steps back..........Last night my husband and I were arguing a little bit last night. I know I shouldn't react or think is it really that important but it is like he knew exactly how to push my buttons. Sometimes I find it difficult not to react to something I feel so strongly about. I regonize my behavior and know that I shouldn't have any expectations but sometimes I just do. I know that right now I am venting and letting it go but that anger flared up in me last night. Right now I am working 7 days a week (my choice completely) and it is only temporarily but I am tired and exhausted and just want a little help. We have 2 small girls and I feel like I am pulling the load alone sometimes. I know he works and helps out when he can but I just feel like he could do more. There goes my expectations! I keep trying to think positive but even sometimes I get to feeling a little down. I know right now my emotions are high and that I am a little stressed but I already am feeling better.
Now that you say that I can remember how nice I was last week and what a total bitch I have probably been this week. I haven't been courteous at all. I have just expected in my head what I want or need. Today though I left a nice letter explaining what needed to be done (a very small list) from the kids and him and I wrote I love you and have a great day at the end of it. Instead of putting and it better get done. So I am hoping that a small kindness will go a long way! This helps so much Thank you :)
Hi MDK.... Not sure if you have told us whether or not your hubby is an active alcoholic at the present time or not??
Your post is a good one, and shows that you have a wonderful ability for self-assessment, which is definitely going to help you on your path of recovery.... My sponsor used to remind me - "always good to self-reflect, but don't allow it to escalated into self-mutilation" - as we are commonly very hard on ourselves, with extremely high expectations....
Our reality is that neither our A's - nor our own - recoveries are a straight line.... we WILL have good days and bad.... there WILL be the times of 'two steps forward and one step back'..... there WILL be days where you are proud of your behaviors, and other days where you will wonder "who is this person"??......
Our program teaches us to use gentle reflection on ourselves, understand "what is my part", and learn & grow always.... You sound like you are well on your way.... I would encourage you to read the book "Getting Them Sober", volume one, by Toby Rice Drews (particularly if your hubby is an active A) - it was a wonderful help to me, and thousands of others...
Balance is the other key.... you have a lot on your plate right now, what with work, raising kids, etc., etc.... your recovery is of huge importance, but so is your serenity.... I would encourage you to prioritize yourself as much as you can - even if that means planning 30min per day of doing something "just for you".... this can be as simple as reading a (non-recovery) book, or a bubble bath, or a walk in the park, or a Starbucks, or whatever......
Hope that helps, and please keep coming back
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
He hasn't had a drop to drink in 3 years but will take pills on occasion for the same effect so I wouldn't consider him recovering but he thinks he is so I don't question it. I actually have a copy of that book and I need to pull it out and read a few chapters. I am going to a f2f meeting and I always feel 10 times better when I leave. Thanks so much I really needed to hear this! I am feeling so much better already!
Hang in there, MDK. I can relate to you, too...being the functional single parent (even when your H is home, you still end up doing most of the heavy lifting). There IS a lot on your plate, and you have every right to be stressed and overwhelmed. Just acknowledging that, and getting validation from people who care about you can help.
Like others have said, take care of you, and be gentle with yourself.
I agree completely with Tom, I am finding out what my part in it is...I happened to realize the other day that I get mad at my abf when he drank if: I am hungrey, tired, feeling hormonal from period coming, angry about other stuff in my life, lonely for a friend...I tend to bristle if I know he drank and I am having a bad day due to falsh backs to childhood trauma, or a bad day because its just a bad day. I feel a lot of grief (not guilt) for not being able to be with my kids after school or have them every day because I have to share with their dads. If I get in that grieving mode, and then I find out he is drinking, I get mad. So I am learning my part in stuff. And it sounds like maybe you are feeling overwhelmed, even though its your choice, from working 7 days a week. That overwhelmed feeling can cause your buttons to get pushed really easily. Take it easy on yourself. Keep it simple... Glad you are here :) HUGS!
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
What you are experiencing is practically normal. We all have those moments. Noone said this walk of recovery would be easy. We will have slips here and there. Not one of us has a perfect day. We all struggle with something at some point, regardless of how long we have been in recovery. It is all about progress and not perfection. You are doing the best you can under the circumstances. Be gentle with yourself. Easy does it! Take it one day at a time.Just for today you are here sharing and venting. That is a gift in itself. Hugs to you.
Thanks sooooo much!!!!! I needed that so bad! Last night was a little better but still some tension! I am going to work on me :) Thanks for the support and love!!!!
