I am new to this webpage. I found out a year ago that my husband had a problem with alcohol. I also found out that he had lied to me about many other things besides the alcohol. When we first met he was still in a relationship with his wife, although he told me they were still married, but seperated and only lived together because of their 3 month old daughter. I also found out that he had another girlfriend during this time as well. He also lied about his involvment in the military. He was in the army, but had sustained an injury that made caused him to be medically discharged without completing boot camp, where as he told me that he had been overseas and had been enlisted for many years. He used the alcohol as a way to cope, so he says, with all the lies that he told me. I do think that he probably had a problem prior to that (as many males in his family were/are alcoholics). It all came to light about a year after we were married. My husband blamed having PTSD from being in the military as his reason for having "so many mental health problems" and even attempting suicide once since we had been together and having many other times where he felt unsafe. In actuality he probably does have PTSD from abuse endured from one of his mother's exbfs. Almost a year ago is when everything came to light. He sent me a text that was essentially a goodbye text. I was at work (I worked the night shift as a nurse in a nursing about a mile up the street). I immediately called the police and was able to borrow a coworkers car and leave to go and check on my husband. When I arrived I found him sitting outside our apartment with his gun in his mouth crying. It was the worst thing I had ever witnessed. To see a man that I love so tormented and only seconds away from death. Even as I look back on it, I have difficulty remembering the feelings. It really seems like I'm watching a movie and I know how it turns out. I can't really recall my feelings at that point in time. It changed me. I don't know how, but I know since then I've had problems. Thankfully the police arrived and were able to talk him down and they took him to the hospital. During this time his biological mother told me things about his marriage I didn't know, such as his wife kicked him out after talking to his mistress. His mother assumed it was me (which is a conclusion I don't fault her for) but in actuality I had never talked to her and the time line his mother was telling me showed what had occured. That destroyed the trust him and I had. Then his step mother told me he had never been overseas. So I dug out his records that he had made me promise I'd never go through, as it contained "classified information." At this point I still had some belief in him, but I forced myself to look through all the documents. Page by page. It detailed his injury during boot camp, his surgery, and eventually his discharge home. He had never been over seas. I called immediately and spoke to the Social Worker assigned to him. She agreed that it was best that we didn't confront him about these things as it was the middle of the night, there was nothing good that could come of it besides upset him and prevent him from resting. During the night, a new social worker came on and did confront him. I got an angry call from my husband demanding to know who was "telling lies" about him to the staff. He tried desperately to make me believe that everything he had ever said was true. I went along with it, without committing to anything he was saying. Explained to him that things would be straightened out in the morning and that he should calm down. I was furious and immediately called the social worker and told her off. Of course she did not feel that anything was done inappropriately. I did end up informing her supervisor who became VERY upset about the situation. Although I would never wish to cause anybody any trouble, but I felt so enraged and so angry about what I couldn't control that I had to tell someone. Yes, it was the right thing to do, but I did it for the wrong reasons. Eventually, it did come down to his social worker and I to sit down. I showed him my husband's suicide text and informed him of my findings from his family. I told him that unless my husband could admit to the lies that most likely there would be nothing we could do to save the marriage, but if he was able to come around then the marriage could be saved. Eventually  my husband did admit to the lies, but in such a way that took him out from the responsibility. He swore that he honestly believed those things, but could realize that they were false. Then the social worker debriefed me and told me that this was a typical response when someone was caught lying in this manner and that eventually he'll come around to all of it and the best thing to do is not to push it. After that meeting they had a group where the family was allowed to attend and I did. The group was hosted by a recovering alcoholic who performed community service. That night my husband admitted for the first time that he was an alcoholic. That was the first time I think it really dawned on me that he was. Up until then I thought that I would have known. I would have seen, but I didn't. At that time I looked back and it was so clear. Hindsight is always 20/20. That marked his first day of recovery. He did attend AA for a while and moved on to a different 12 step program that worked better for him and he has a year sober. For me I attempted to attend al-anon meetings, but found it hard to fit them in my schedule. Maybe because I have been avoiding them really. So my first day of recovery has never really happened yet. Maybe it's today.