dealing with anger - Al-Anon Family Group

jamfu · Veteran Member

dealing with anger

Betterfuture · Veteran Member

I understand why you are angry. I also get angry with everyone around my AH that condones his drinking and behavior. His family seems oblivious to his disease. Idk if its because his father was an ah at one point and his mother is one today so maybe its normal to them.When I'm around his family I feel like I'm crazy because I feel alone. I'm trying really hard not to think about those things I can't control anymore but wanted to say I feel your pain. Hang in there.

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

The first step is...We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable. I have learned that I can apply this to all my affairs. I am powerless over everything but me. When I become the change I want to see in my world, things get better. We have to be the change we want to see. I am powerless and I surrender to my HP to take care of my A, the family, the kids...I can't do it, I am just not able to. I can take care of me and my stuff. I hope you are making it to meetings. It works when we work it! Take care of you ;)

-- Edited by youfoundme on Thursday 16th of June 2011 08:35:36 PM

jamfu · Veteran Member

I think the first step might be one of the hardest ones. its hard not to do that

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

One of the greatest lessons Al Anon has to give is this, when we stop getting emotional about things we cannot control, it is so freeing.

Think about how much energy it takes to be angry about this situation!

If a rock is in your way, do you get mad at it becuz it won't move???? Same thing, trying to control that which we cannot is crazy.

I mean what is going on in US that we even try!

It's been my pleasure to have shared this with people around me. Now they will come visit or whatever and I hear, well I cannot control it anyway....

Myself I started thinking about how it felt knowing which things I cannot control. I liked it. Took so much stress off me.

hope this helped some.love,debilyn

Otie · Senior Member

Dear jamfu, I have read your posts where you speak of the anger toward her parents--and it is clear that you feel this very intensely and you want to not feel it any more.

Dear jamfu, our feelings are what they are. How we deal with them is what counts.

Of, course ventilating them is a good start toward accomplishing that end. Good that you can articulate it. Anger is an uncomfortable way to feel.

I can't help but wonder if you aren't almost feeling the feelings For her. Do you think? Because, if you feel this much, surely, she must have a ton of anger/pain insider her on the same topic. It seems reasonable, at least to me, to think a lot of her illness comes from trying to handle some bad feelings.

At some poin in her recovery she will have to own this for herself and her program and possibly therapy will help her to come to terms.

It will be her journey to walk--my dear, you won't be able to walk it for her. Maybe this perspective can allow you to unload some of this burden.

Very sincerely, Otie

jamfu · Veteran Member

Otie wrote:
Dear jamfu, I have read your posts where you speak of the anger toward her parents--and it is clear that you feel this very intensely and you want to not feel it any more.
Dear jamfu, our feelings are what they are. How we deal with them is what counts.
Of, course ventilating them is a good start toward accomplishing that end. Good that you can articulate it. Anger is an uncomfortable way to feel.
I can't help but wonder if you aren't almost feeling the feelings For her. Do you think? Because, if you feel this much, surely, she must have a ton of anger/pain insider her on the same topic. It seems reasonable, at least to me, to think a lot of her illness comes from trying to handle some bad feelings.
At some poin in her recovery she will have to own this for herself and her program and possibly therapy will help her to come to terms.
It will be her journey to walk--my dear, you won't be able to walk it for her. Maybe this perspective can allow you to unload some of this burden.
Very sincerely, Otie

You are right . I do not want to feel it anymore. I do feel very intensely about it. I know I have to let that go. In hindsight the first time I noticed a problem , I mean a big one, i should have called it quits. but that is the past, and all i have today is today. After reading the posts this morning I think I felt what it feels like again to be free of this like i used to feel before i got involved with her. At least for now, for i dont want to walk up to them and shake sense into each and every one of them. I say to myself.. screw them. They are a bunch of head cases. And it does bring me peace reflecting on the turmoil. It's over . no more. leave me alone in my memories.

She will never admit to me anyway of all the crap her family has subjected her to. But she did tell me once upon a time that it was always normal for everyone to be getting loaded around the house. Both grandpas were A's , and both mentally ill with schizophrenia. Other than that she will defend her parents to the death. I have seen different however. They are no angels by a long shot. And again you are right I cannot carry this burden with me.

Honestly I think this is the last stint of anger for me with them. I dont have the energy to worry about it anymore. I keep reading step one over and over. And If you really read it, it in itself is life changing. Thanks for listening, and I'll keep you guys posted

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