The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is a great site. It helps to know there are people who have experienced some of the same things I have. Thank you all for your encouraging words and stories. I know I have to make some choices. I'm not really sure where to start, but it helps to know there are people who understand.
-- Edited by Ashap on Wednesday 15th of June 2011 01:02:06 PM
Hi glad you found this site. you do not say if you are attending al anon meetings. No one will give you advice on this site as to stay or go only you can make this choices. However we do suggest that you attend al anon as alcoholism affects the whole family including the children. If one person in the family attends meetings the whole family benefits. I too have lots of responsibility in life and a partner who can not give me the support I desire. However I have learnt today that it is also my responsibility to take care of my own needs and this is not selfish. So today I attend al anon meetings to help me understand alcoholism and how it has affected me. we suggset you do not make any major life changes until you have attended meetings for about 6 months and your thinking becomes clearer. I wish I would have found al anon when my children were so young it has made my life so much happier and saved my sanity. we suggest you try 6 meetings if its not for you they say you can have your misery back. i did not want to be miserable anymore so I stuck around I am much happier today. There is nothing you can do about your partners drinking but you can help yourself and children with the support of other people living in similar situations to yours hugs tracy xxxx
Hi, Ashap, and welcome to MIP! I'm glad you're finding your way to the help you need.
As Tracy said, we don't give advice here - we allow everyone the dignity of making the choices they feel are best for them. Mostly we talk about what works for us. Going to face-to-face meetings is definitely one of the biggest helpers available. Message boards like this one are also a huge boost, especially when you can't get to meetings. Finding a sponsor is another very helpful and beneficial step (although I've never had a sponsor, so I can't attest to that from personal experience. It's just what I've heard from everyone I've known who ever had a sponsor.) For me, daily readers are also helpful (I have over half a dozen of them). Another thing that helps is posting slogans on sticky notes in places where I'll see them regularly, like on the bedroom mirror, fridge and computer. I also read the 12 Steps and the Serenity Prayer out loud at least once a day, even if I have to whisper it. And of course, I read every recovery book I can get my hands on. (I'm a bookaholic! lol )
Many people are scared away from the program because of its spiritual aspect. Don't let that frighten you. The Higher Power of your choice doesn't have to be the one you may have grown up with, or one that looks like your parents or other authority figures in your life. It doesn't even have to be an all-powerful Supreme Being. Some people use the 12 Steps as a Higher Power, or even their home group because of the accumulated wisdom they find there.
There's no question that your kids will benefit once you start going to meetings and working the program in your own life. I don't know if there are any groups out there for kids as young as yours, but if there's an active Alateen group in your area, you might be able to find teen sponsors for your kids who can help them until they're old enough for Alateen. If that's not available, Big Brothers/Big Sisters might be another option. (However, having said all that, I do have to say one more thing - and please remember that this is my personal opinion based on my own experience. I grew up in an alcoholic home, and would have given anything for my parents to get divorced! Staying together "for the sake of the kids" isn't always necessarily what's best for the kids. But that's a decision that each person has to make for themselves and their own children.)
Don't beat yourself up for doing what you believe is best for yourself and your kids. And don't rush into anything. Give yourself some time to start your own healing and to be able to look at all your options with a clearer sense of perspective. That way, whatever you choose to do, your decision will come from a position of strength - not desperation or anger - and everyone involved will benefit. You'll also spend less time later on second-guessing yourself.
Keep coming back - and be sure to check out the other boards, too! You'll find a lot of great people, and a lot of support and inspiration!
Red Hawk
__________________
My heart is moved by all I cannot save: so much has been destroyed. I have to cast my lot with those who, age after age, perversely, with no extraordinary power, reconstitute the world. A passion to make, and make again, where such un-making reigns.
Hi Ashap and welcome to MIP. This board has been such a big help to me. I've learned so much and am in a much better place than I was before I came here. It IS a BIG thing just to know you're not alone. And you are NOT alone. Keep coming back.
Welcome, come on in, stay awhile! I am so glad you came and took a look around.
When I was new in the Alanon program this website really helped me when I was up all night when my loved one was out drinking. I was able to learn so much from the posts and replies that it really gave my mind something more useful to think about rather than to obsess about the drinking and if they were coming home.
I must say that the most important thing to me in recovery before reading a ton of books was to attend face to face alanon meetings on a regular basis. Books are good tools that have great information, but how does one stay strong and implement that information in their own life? Alanon is filled with people that share their experience, strength, and hope sharing how they have used the tools of the program in their world. I found strength and courage in the meetings. That really created a change in me that fired up a willingness to get started on a journey of recovery from the family disease of alcoholism. I do so hope you make it there if you have not attended face to face meetings. It really has been the key that unlocks the door to serenity and sanity in my life.
Thank you for having the courage to put yourself out there and post. We love you just where you are. Keep coming back!
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