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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> No Longer Just Lurking- Here's my Story
Post Info TOPIC: No Longer Just Lurking- Here's my Story
Green Eyes


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No Longer Just Lurking- Here's my Story
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I found this forum a couple of weeks ago and have been "lurking" ever since. I am reposting this message that I had previously posted in response to canadianguy's post regarding "lurkers." I didn't realize that my user name could be found on search engines, so I am reposting this with my new user name. My AH and I are currently separated (it's been two months since I moved out). I joined Al-Anon over two years ago thinking that it would enable me to learn how to "fix" his issues. I also have a daughter who had already had 2 DUI's in less than one year. Little did I know that Al-Anon was all about me getting well. So...now I'm on the road to recovery and wellness, and my AH is still drinking, destroying our family, his health, and our finances. I never would have thought that I'd be the one to walk out, I always thought it would be him. But, once I found out that, unbeknownst to me, we were days away from being evicted from our home of 23 years due to him hiding the fact that he had stopped paying our mortgage for over a year, that was my final wake-up call. Should I also mention that he owns a bar and grill? Not a good place to work for a person who has issues with alcohol. no

It is a tough road that I'm navigating right now. My AH is very skilled at manipulation and placing blame on others. I have used HALT and JADE (don't Judge, Argue, Defend, or Explain) a lot these past months, and both work quite well when I use them (and it works when you work it)- as well as the Al-Anon "Do's and Don'ts." My sponsor is my rock and my HP continues to show me a path to serenity. I am sad at the impending loss of a 29 year-old marriage, I don't want to be divorced, but I know that my HP is taking care of me - and my AH. I have found it extremely challenging to give up trying to control "God's Alcoholic" and to stop my "stinkin thinkin," but, in the end, I am in a much better place right now, both physically and mentally.

I'm happy to also share that my daughter is doing much better now that she has moved away from our home and is living in TX with her older sister and her family. She is on a much better path than my AH.

Thanks to all of you on this forum for sharing your ES&H. They are sincerely appreciated.  nod.gif



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hotrod


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Hi Green Eyes

I do believe I welcomed you under Tom's post but now that you have posted with a new name I will welcome you again. 

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this dreadful disease and am glad that you are attending alanon and have a sponserr We really cannot do this alone have 

I have found posting here or just coming late at night when I cannot sleep is very good for my recovery.  I am able to think and connect in a program manner when I cannot sleep and it helps.

Looking forward to sharing the journey



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
canadianguy


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Welcome green eyes - sounds like you have a solid program of recovery under your belt, which will definitely help you through all the muck....  I think many active A's are master manipulators, and perhaps they only find their peace and sobriety when they fully accept that the only ones they are really fooling are themselves...

I wish you well, and glad to see you posting here, and please keep coming back

Tom



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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
Green Eyes


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Thanks, Tom and hotrod. This forum has gotten me through several tough days lately. It's especially comforting on those late nights when it's too late to find a meeting.



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Jerry F


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Aloha Green Eyes...welcome and you walked in with a gift of your program. Thanks so much for that support.  So many have gone and are going thru what you are going thru right now and it is good that we stand together in love and support.  You've got the tools and are following the suggestions and it is working for you.  It will work even greater as you give it away to others as you have done here and now.  Thanks for your ESH.

(((((HUGS))))) smile



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flopadopilus


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Welcome and I am glad you shared. It sounds like you are on a strong path to recovery and I am glad you shared with us at MIP!

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God grant me the serenity 
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference. 

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
youfoundme


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Welcome here!!! HUGS!
Keep coming, and keep sharing!

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-youfoundme

Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
Debilyn


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I am very glad you came in the door! I can tell you have lots of important  things to share. (c: love,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
tommyecat


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Green Eyes,

I am so glad you are here. I do look forward to hearing more from you. Thanks for the program reminders i.e., JADE, HALT, Do's and Don'ts. I always need to hear them.

respectfully yours,
tc

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