"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Now He is Requesting I take a Polygraph Test

Otie · Senior Member

Dear GailMitchell, I would doubt that anyone will encourage you to take a polygraph test. With delusions no amount of hard evidence to the contrary would likely make any diffference at all.

I know that it feels like an eternity to you, but 8days is still very early--especially with a history of long and hard drinking. Just stay in close contact to his case manager so you can get evaluation results as soon as it is done.

At least he is in a controlled environment and is safe for right now. Nothing more you can do right now over and above what you are already doing, as I can see.

Rest and focus back to yourself--you can control that.

Glad to have the update--thanks.

Sincerely, Love, Otie

-- Edited by Otie on Tuesday 7th of June 2011 09:03:29 PM

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree with Otie 8 days is very early after many years of drinking. Try to put your thoughts and energy into taking care of yourself as much as possible. I am glad he is in a safe place, I always prayed my A would make it there. Thanks for sharing!

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

Wow.... I must admit, after all these years I thought I had heard it all, but that one surprised me..... If it were me, I don't think I would take the test, for the reasons stated..... 1) what if the test is somehow inaccurate and 2) why would we have to "prove" our innocence, and if he is delusional enough to think you need a polygraph to test this, I can't imagine what is next.....

I dunno Gail..... I think the "don't react" is the slogan for this one...

Take care

Tom

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

My ah left a message saying that if I could prove to him I wasn't having an affair he would ....... I can't even remember the trade off, it was just so ludicrous, how do you prove your aren't doing something you aren't doing? I listened in stunned disbelief - what was I supposed to do, have my virginity surgically restored and then monthly, weekly or daily (hourly) exams to verify it's still in place? would that even be enough or would I then be accused of having a thing with the examiner??? Thing I know is - nothing would be proof enough; if you took a polygraph and passed with flying colors, he would still find some reason to not believe and continue accusing. I'm sorry you are going through this though.

RLC · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Gail)))

Another sad story about this disease.

Just when I thougth I had heard it all, I hadn't.

But you do have an obligation. Not to him but to yourself. That obligation is to take care of yourself first.

As you indicated it's a no win situation. He has the problem created by 45 years of alcohol abuse.

The three C's come to mind.

HUGS,
RLC

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

I did call the rehab facility to request that the head counselor call me ASAP. Hopefully, tomorrow he will call.

I truly don't think the head counselor suggested that I take the test. But if he did, I won't partake in such alcoholic induced nonsense. I'd be feeding his illness.

It's a living nightmare to witness him going through all this. It's indescribable. I feel as though I'm delusional at times myself. But I must pull back and get on track. I need to start refocusing on me again and not get tangled in his web. I got sucked back in again.

Don't react and the 3 C's are keeping me sane, along with a few other slogans and principals of program.

For those of you who know how I felt about Al-Anon 4 or so months ago, read below:

I have to laugh; this "cult" is now saving my mind, heart & soul!

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

GM,

When my husband first got sober the Dr. explained to me that toxins are being released from all organs. It can affect many things including their brains. Honestly, my husband barely made sense for 3 months. After what I saw him go through, nothing really surprises me anymore.

Christy

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Gail...a bit of looking into the disease of alcoholism from the AMA link, NIH link, NIAA link and few more will reveal that alcohol hits all organs of the body...especially the brain and then it will exascerbate (sorry...make worse) problems that existed from the start. If he has a propensity for delusion it will blow that up. Have the psych/social done on him or suggest one is done. From experience the treatment might be dual diagnosis...chemical and mental/emotional. Could happen. Don't React is my number one slogan. I don't always work it as suggested by my sponsor and I sure do a much better job at it since I found membership in the Family Groups. (((((hugs))))) smile

clep · Senior Member

Wow. I'm sorry but I laughed so hard just reading the title of your post. I realize it isn't funny, especially with the turmoil it seems to be causing you. It is just so ridiculous, that was my first reaction.

He is extremely early in his recovery. The idea that a counsellor would cosign this type of thinking and behavior is also ridiculous. It is not uncommon for people to say that someone else agrees with them in an effort to doubt yourself and give in to the demand. It is yet another type of manipulation. If an addictions counsellor did possibly say something like, that I might be wondering if they are on the road to relapse with stinkin thinking returning.

My A believed the strangest things that just didn't make sense for about six months into sobriety.

It will get better for him if he works hard and applies his program. Even sobriety can be a long confusing road, but with Al-anon it is so much better.

Not reacting, working your program and going to f2f meetings will make the process so much easier and less confusing for you.

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you to all of you who have responded with your ESH.

Christy, thank you for informing me it took 3 months before your husband made any sense. The heaviness in my heart lifted when I read that.

Jerry - I have been doing some reading online. It helps, but then it does increase my anxiety a bit, so I stop when I feel it coming on.

I'm eager for the psych to evaluate him. I'll push for that when the counselor does call This particular counselor told me last Friday that his delusional state should not be lasting this long. That's what shook me up.

But prior to this last episode, which landed him in rehab again, he was south of the border in a little remote fishing villiage. One daily activity is drinking. He comes back to the states in time for our eldest son's wedding and tries to dry out on his own. Day 3 - our son's wedding day - all hell broke lose for him. Sad. he was unable to attend. So there's another tally mark that he places on his guilt card. Heartbreaking. His intention of sobering up for his son's wedding was in the right place. However, he didn't realize how sick he was and that he couldn't do it on his own safely. Obviously, he continues to not understand his state of mental, physical, and emotional health.

-- Edited by GailMichelle on Wednesday 8th of June 2011 09:36:31 AM

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh hon that is complete insanity! I sure hope you can see that you do not have to prove yourself to anyone! No way!

Sadly this is insane behavior,we just cannot bow down to it and take it seriously!Chances are he would just say you beat the test!plus what other insane things will he come up with?

I am so sad for you and for him too! Keep coming, I will hang onto you tight!

throwing you a nice soft cotton rope,debilyn

Aloha · ~*Service Worker*~

This is typical behavior that I see not only in A's but in myself as well.

Meaning... "I'm not feeling okay. I feel miserable. I don't know what to do with my feelings, so I'm going to just distract myself and convince myself that someone outside of me is to blame for how I feel and I'm going to just put all the focus on them. I may dream up crazy scenarios. I may dig up old wounds. I may decide to forecast a bleak future with this person. But I'll just think about THEM THEM THEM because I really, REALLY do not want to think about myself right now and WHY I feel like I have to hold everyone outside of me responsible for my feelings."

A's are un-treated Al-Anons, through-and-through. Once you take the drinking away from them, they have their "stinking thinking" to deal with. If you can come to a place of recognizing that kind of thinking in yourself, then you can recognize what he's doing and know that the real problem isn't what the A is saying it is, it's an unwillingness to face his feelings.

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha wrote:
This is typical behavior that I see not only in A's but in myself as well.

Meaning... "I'm not feeling okay. I feel miserable. I don't know what to do with my feelings, so I'm going to just distract myself and convince myself that someone outside of me is to blame for how I feel and I'm going to just put all the focus on them. I may dream up crazy scenarios. I may dig up old wounds. I may decide to forecast a bleak future with this person. But I'll just think about THEM THEM THEM because I really, REALLY do not want to think about myself right now and WHY I feel like I have to hold everyone outside of me responsible for my feelings."

A's are un-treated Al-Anons, through-and-through. Once you take the drinking away from them, they have their "stinking thinking" to deal with. If you can come to a place of recognizing that kind of thinking in yourself, then you can recognize what he's doing and know that the real problem isn't what the A is saying it is, it's an unwillingness to face his feelings.

Hi Aloha!

Just this mornng, I phoned my sister who is a recovering alcoholic since 1980. She said that same thing! Interesting. Thank you for your input!

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Aloha

I agree 100%. Thanks for the clarity and honesty

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

hotrod wrote:
Dear Aloha
I agree 100%. Thanks for the clarity and honesty

Thanks HotRod! I value your input, too. I feel a little better about his situation.

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

The ex called me tonight. He was talking about mundane things for a change; however, he did slip in "I tried to call a place for the test, but I didn't reach anybody."

I didn't touch that comment. I just began talking about something else. Tomorrow when I go for family meeting night, I will tell him that I will not take such a test.

IF I was guaranteed that he'd never come up with an idea so insane again, I might consider taking it. But you can't fight this disease. I've given it enough thought. It sounds harsh, but it's his problem. He suffers because, well, it's a consequence of his choice to drink all these years. He is the one that toasted his brain, not me.

I think I'm getting more thick skinned. Or actually, seeing the truth of the matter.

-- Edited by GailMichelle on Thursday 9th of June 2011 12:27:22 AM

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"