The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well here I am, after leaving my home town (which I Hate, very small) after a year and a half, Back in town!!! Living with my daughter, no vehicle, no job. Things were just getting worse and worse with Ab/f of nine years. Big blow up, walked out on my job and out of his life.
I knew that it was what I needed to preserve my sanity. But, I'm feeling really wierd being back in my home town, and the nosey people who live her. What do I say to them? and how to say it nice?
I feel really good about myself, looking for work right away. my daughter is helping me with transportation. Ftf meetings are on my agenda.
We have a slogan in Al-Anon.....It's none of my business what somebody else thinks about me.
What to say and how to say it nice?.......I needed a change......missed my old home town and friends......I'm glad to be back.......and by the way......How have you been doing ?
How you answer and what people think are not important......what's important is for you to follow up on putting f2f meeting on your agenda. Good luck......and I almost forgot......welcome to MIP !!!
I live in a very small town also and I am going through a divorce and some people just come out and ask very personal questions sometimes. I have learned to deflect rather well, I like to say hmmm I am not sure or I really don't know yet. I was at work the other day and a lady I hardly know asked me if there was a chance my ex and I would get back together and we were in front of other customers which made it even more embaressing, I just said well I don't know the future and walked away. I have had to learn that I don't owe anyone an explanation about my personal life and that I can be vague or just skip answering any and every question. People ask me how are your kids taking the divorce and I say oh my kids are great and move into other conversations. I am learning to train people not to be invasive about my life. It sounds like you are doing good as far as moving forward, keep up the good work!
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God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
Thanks everyone for the suggestions. I got email from where I was working and they were so nice and understood my having to leave with no notice or choice. I feel truly blessed today. I feel good about myself, and ready to get on with my life. Ftf is number #1 in my future, as soon as I am able to get some kind of transportation, until then I'll keep coming on here. One day at a time.....
I also live in a very small town, and my exAH was pretty high-profile. I made and effort to keep a smile on my face and not discuss my situation at all in public, and it really seemed to keep people at a distance from trying to nosey in. No matter what crisis I was dealing with, I tried to always keep my responses positive, and I think it really messed with peoples' heads. :) Actually, not long ago I was talking to a casual friend (she owns the newpaper), and I brought up my divorce or something related, and she said that everyone just "knew"not to broach the subject. So, whatever I did, it worked. One response that I learned here was to say, "why do you want to know?". I thought that was a great answer, for not only did it deflect but it totally put the focus on the other person. Honestly, your life is no one else's business. In time I discovered that everything passes, and soon my situation was old news and lastly, that I wasn't as important as I thought I was.
Glad you are here.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Dear sisdragonfly1957, I must say that I have used HAMBURGER'S technique most of my life to deflect attention---it works like a charm. People LOVE to talk about themselves. Isn't it universal that people want (crave) to be heard? Harness that horse.
My husband recently died. It is still hard to face the constant question: "So, how are you doing?" There is no good answer to that question in a social/public setting. I try to go out so I can get my mind on other things---but it is tricky sometimes.
I have developed a "stock answer"----I say in a very appreciative voice: "You can imagine, I'm sure" Then, quickly ask them how they are doing. Almost always works.
Good Luck.
Sincerely, Otie
-- Edited by Otie on Wednesday 8th of June 2011 09:40:47 AM
Nice job taking care of yourself. Good luck with the job hunt.