It was just a stupid phonecall... - Al-Anon Family Group

atheos · Senior Member

It was just a stupid phonecall...

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

That sounds like a tough situation Atheos. For me I have to always be on the top of my program with all of the tools available under these conditions. We make mistakes for lots and lots of reasons and I have learned to say "ooops Sorry" and not make it worse from inside the program. Not knowing the conditions I wouldn't call it a "stupid" phone call just not a productive one. Be gentle on yourself. ((((hugs)))) smile

atheos · Senior Member

Thank you.

I am just absolutely at a loss right now, because I see no way for the situation to improve (she is probably always going to be this fragile) or for me to escape it (she's my sister... and I can't abandon her because it's not her fault she's sick).

The constant crises and tip-toeing around her have gotten unbearable... but unlike with A's where "you made me slip because ____" is a load of manure because they're the ones lifting the alcohol to their lips, with her disease, other people really can trigger a relapse through no fault of hers because her brain chemistry is so sensitive to stress/sleep deprivation/etc. She went into a nose-dive today *because* my phone call woke her up.

And I don't know how to deal with someone who is so fragile that a badly-timed phonecall or even just snapping at her for something can have such a severe impact on her mental health. I'm not a saint, I will make mistakes, and they will impact her so much worse than they would somebody who didn't have her illness... it's hard to detach and say you're powerless over someone when any little thing you do can mess them up so badly...

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I am sure there are many support groups for us that love a schizophrenic. Have you checked Yahoo groups? Is there a Schizophrenic association like we have for cancer etc?

What I have seen is there are people who are their caseworkers who set up programs to help them, thereby helping the family. Also group homes, and a person or persons assigned to them to give them rides, go shopping, be companians, payees etc.

Very important is respit where you are completely not responsible for as much time as you need. You have a life too!

I would invite you to not be hard on yourself! Of course you would want to believe your upset times are going to be validated too! I am sure everyone is so over burdened they cannot take anymore. Its not YOU.

I too need someone to talk me down from nightmares. I don't have anyone left to help me now though. Well I mean like a mom or dad or gpa or gma, uno.

So I hug and hold my Basset Hound Tavish closer! (c:

ya know its the same thing. What do you do for you. The better you make your life, the easier it is to be there for the harder stuff. The easier it is not to take everything so seriously. BIG deal you called her too early. geez I am sure there are worse things in the world. Besides you needed someone!

I never asked for help when I was younger. Thought I had to be tough. Then when I was pg with my daughter I was so sick my doc said I was starving that it all was going to baby.

I had to go to my parents bedroom window at night to ask my mother for help. She said,"OF Course!!!!!" to my asking for help. I tell ya I say that to others so much, my daughter just told me my five year old grandson Sprout, always says,"Of course!"

It is such a simple thing. A great person said,"Love others as you love yourself."

good advice eh?

Gads my nephew has Prader Willie, talk about crisis!!! sheesh lol I loved that kido. he would run out the house to a phone booth to call the police, becuz one unknowingly turned the siren and lights on for him...oops. you can guess the rest! lol

He would not come into his mom and my brother's wedding. he wanted to call his dad first. Dad was not available, and you do not push these people. So I took him to a phone booth,pretended to call his dad, he pretended to talk to him and into the wedding he went!

I love people, all kinds. I promise if you get some rest, support and help. You can develop a good relationship w sis.

hugs honey! HOpe to see ya more!!

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

It sounds as though treating her as if she doesn't have these problems is an unrealistic expectation. It sounds as if everyone is blaming you for triggering her. They're panicked and they know it can't be laid at her doorstep so they're looking for someone to point a finger at. Even though the "mistake" was entirely innocent on your part. So you're not only having to deal with your sister's huge reaction, but the huge reaction of other people. That is so difficult.

My experience is that fragile people can't be relied on for emotional support, even though they like you to treat them as if you could. Sometimes they're available, but sometimes they're in crisis, and the rest of us can't be expected to know which it is at any particular moment. I have a friend who's very fragile like that, and it took me a long time to learn that really I need to place a protective bubble between me and her. (Protective of me.) She is so lost in her own stuff that she just can't be there for other people. The few times when she can be can't be predicted, and the consequences of predicting wrong are too awful.

A therapist once told me that we don't need to cut people out of our life, but we can move them to an outer circle, and protect ourselves that way. Less time spent on them means we also have more time to make friends with people who are more reliable.

I'm so sorry this has happened. Hugs.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Atheos

I am so sorry that this has happened and that your sister must live with her illness.

When I read your posting, I was taken back to my first years in alanon. I always asked my family for help and emotional support. . I reasoned that they were family, husband, parents etc and they should be able to do this. My alanon sponsor pointed out that I was "Going to the Hardware store for Bread" Meaning I was looking for support from people who simply could not give it. It was suggested that I get telephone numbers from members in the meeting and call my alanon family group members when I needed to talk , needed support or was lonely.

It works.

One Day at a Time we grow . Keep coming back It works.

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