Narcissistic anyone? - Al-Anon Family Group

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

Narcissistic anyone?

ythannah · Senior Member

I don't know. I think many of the hallmark characteristics of alcoholism and addiction mirror those of clinical narcissism, but may just be intrinsic to the disease and not symptoms of an underlying personality disorder.

I've certainly seen narcissistic traits in an ex ABF and in ABF.

In the end, for me, it still comes down to specific circumstances: Is this behaviour acceptable to me or not?

Otie · Senior Member

Dear flopadopilus, I think that addictive behavior is, by nature, narcissistic. It seems that the addicted is so consumed by the relationship with their substance (A) that they can"t be available to, or care for the feelings and need of others. It is me, me, me, first.

A genuine narcissistic personality disorder is a pathologic dysfunction of personality development. Personality disorders of any kind are very resistant to treatment in general. They are also very, very hard on family and it usually takes special dedication and commitment to live with.

It is also very hard to identify any kindof psychological disorder as long as the person is an active user of chemical agents. It just clouds the picture of everything!!

If you would like some literature on personality disorders--if you will pm me I will give you the name of a book that is easy for the layman to read that covers the subject pretty well.

Just a clue--If he ever was a truly sensitive and caring person at any time in the past. If he was the kind of person that made you feel loved and cared for in significant ways-----before the onset of progressive drinking----I'll bet you are dealing with garden variety selfish, immature alcoholic behavior.

Welcome to the club!!! LOL.

Sincerely, Otie smile

kitty · ~*Service Worker*~

I read a great book that helped me a lot and it does talk about narcissists in it -- the narcissist is one who can disassocaite from their feelings without taking any substances. See the A's disassociate emotionally by using certain substances that allow them to have that feeeling, of being "numb". The narcissist does it naturally. The book is: Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Codependency in Relationshipsby Susan Peabody- it helped me a ton reading it. It was a short fast read too - I read it cover to cover on a plane in one go. Perhpas it would help you too - see if the library has a copy if you cant afford to buy books right now.

Any time u get overwhelmed or feeling helpless and hopeless - get back to step one and surrendering everything that is not about you ~ allow others to solve their own issues and feelings. Take your own resepct by keeping the focus on what you can control and change and it will get better again fast! Thanks to the chaos, we learn what peace and calm is and that we want that as our choice now. A slip back into the past is always a great reminder that I can choose something different and healthier for me right now.

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

I heard the term Malignant Narcissist on a tv show, looked it up and read about my AH. I don't know if there is any way to truly know which came first, do narcissists have a greater potential for addiction? Does addiction fuel narcissistic personality to grow stronger? Mine is also a Mysogynist, hater of women - I suspect from his mother's not protecting him from abuse from his father (freud hat momentarily doffed). The one point I keep getting to in all the reading is to not get involved with them because it is highly unlikely for things to have a good outcome. I do know that my part in my current relationship comes in the form of marrying too soon, not knowing him long enough to be able to determine personality traits such as those that accompany narcissism and mysogyny.

surfingmaestro · Veteran Member

I have a somewhat similar story with my aw. My wife was addicted to alcohol and prescription drugs for about four years. In that time I was trying to figure out what was going on with her and I started in counseling and a psychologist read to me the characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder and I thought my wife was described perfectly in the symptoms for the disorder. The truth was though that I have been with my wife for 13 years before she had started showing behaviors like borderline personality disorder. When she finally hit her bottom and went into rehab I actually spoke with some form of counselor at the facility and she told me that there is really know way to diagnose a personality disorder when active addiction is going on, especially if the disorder wasn't present before the active addiction. She told me that addiction can throw a person into behaviors that are exactly the same symptoms of many of the personality disorders. As it turned out, after a few months of sobriety and working a program my wife's borderline personality disorder behaviors started becoming harder and harder to see, even though they sometimes do appear when she's struggling with things (especially the kind of things that would cause her to turn to alcohol).

One more thing I learned about personality disorders is that the therapy that is used to help the patient is called Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Dialectic Behavior Therapy. Both therapies are exactly the kind of support that a 12 step program provides, except that the therapies are provided by professionals. It makes me wonder how many people out there have been diagnosed with some sort of behavior disorder or psychiatric condition when really it is the disease of addiction.

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

I get it that the personality disorder can be a symptom of his drinking. What occurred to me was that he had key markers 15 years ago when we got together. In my recovery I try not to focus on him at all or the past abuse I went through with him, but in counseling at times it comes up in order to get it out and move through it. I will never know what problems he has really other than his self professed alcoholism unless he hits recovery and tells me, really it is none of my business. I will have to deal with him for as long as we share our children and I am trying to stay as dettached as possible. At times though he calls we chat and I spiral. I hand him over to God (my hp) every time I remember too and I feel the progress in working my recovery program daily. Thanks for the ESH all.

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