Well I feel I need to share, get it off my chest or whatever we are going to call this...so here goes nothing :) I met my ABF just over a year ago. He actually worked for my husband. I was at a super low point in my life. A few months later I left my husband (this was in the works already for me) I ran into the arms of this man, my ABF. I knew he drank but truly had no concept of what an A was. Now to back up a little I was with my Hubby for 18 years and devastated by the loss of our marriage and the repeated failed attempts to fix it. The ex did have a short run with an addiction himself with drugs. He has been clean for 12 years now, kudos to him. That being said it was not the reason for leaving. Having left and looking back with clear eyes I realize now that the drugs may have stopped but his addictions remain. They are in different forms: hobbies, work, women and so on. I guess the point of all that is I never allowed myself to heal from that loss (still not legally divorced and goin thru that drama still). It made it easy to jump into something with blinders on. So here I am. I finally get the courage to leave my Hubby and now I am homeless. Well here is this man who is showering me with attention. I'm weak and I cave. We move in together. I have to admit I fell in love hard and fast. I hadn't been treated like a woman in god only knows how long. When we met we drank together quite often. I always had cook outs with my ex and well there would be drinking eating and conversation. Normal stuff I thought. Now that im living with this new man I began to notice that he was drinking a lot. He wasnt just drinking socially. I questioned him about it. He said I told you I was an acholic. Well that didn't mean much to me because I had no clue. He then promised to stop drinking. I thought oh ok cool problem fixed. Occasionally we would hv some wine with dinner or an occasional drink. Again I'm clueless. Holidays are coming and I got a few bottles of alcohol for egg nog and what not. I'm the kind of person that would take over a year to go through a bottle of vodka. I would have to while the dust off before I made a drink lol. Anyhow the ABF got really drunk one night and I was so freaked out. He acted so strange, talking to himself and what not. I realized he had been sneaking ad taking shits right out of the bottle. We talked about it the next day and he apologized and said he didn't want me to get mad and wouldn't do it again. Ok problem solved. Then sometime after the holidays temptation got ABF. He proceeded to get extremely drunk. I was beside myself. We were fighting and yelling. I lost my mind. I proceeded to throw all his belongs put the door. He left on foot and I was hysterical and to barrased to tell anyone. I poured out every ounce of alcohol in the house. Of course he came back shortly after full of apologies and promises. Now we are getting ready to move, again. (my ex ownes lots of rental properties and finally has one ready for me to live in, by ready I mean he moved the tenants out. The house was a disaster) also I feel I must mention that there were several other incidences the the ABF drank in-between those I told you about. They didn't turn into big blow outs but were certainly upsetting. I'm sure more "classic" actions of an A that you could relate to. We get moved (stressful) I'm finically in a pickle and can't pay our last months rent (stressful) my son had the month before a terrible dirtbike accident (lots of stress) and then had complications several weeks later and had emergency surgery (major stress). So needless to say the previous 4 weeks had been pure hell for me. Anyhow we were in the house not even two weeks and ABF proceeded to get the drumbeat I has ever seen. His nasty side came out. Verbally so mean. I was. At my lowest point ever in my life emotionally. We fought and fought for hours. Here I am, still hurtin from and 18 year relationship, almost lost my son and so confused and hurt by this relationship I was in and blamig myself for his drinking. I couldn't take it anymore. I took a fist full of Xanax. I just wanted it to be over. Thank god the ABF had enough clarity to call 911. I woke up 3 days layer in the hospital and was baker acted. My ABF was in jail!!! When they came to et me they found he had a warrant. Long story thee an had nothing to do with. I still stand by him on that one, he beat it and I'll just leave it at it was a bad situation and he was an innocent victim, I swear! Of course while he was in jail and I was working to correct this situation with him he made a lot of promises. Those jail house promises. Yet again I was clueless and believed every word. When he came home thugs were good for awhile. The stress started to build yet again. Money was super tight. ABF is disabled and gets SSDI and my work dropped about 80%. We were doing little odd jobs for money here and there. ABF started getting beer every now and then. He never acted like a drunk or a jerk so I thought it was ok. Well now here I am. The end of April a friend of my sons became very il and passed away unexpectedly my son and this boy are only 15) You can only imagine how the emotions were around the home front. The ABF didn't drink around my son and that had been the only rule I enforced. After all this happened ad my son went to his dads the ABF proceeds to get a "beverage". Now anything with alcohol was simply called a beverage. I was upset but let it go. I realized I couldn't control it. This all was on a tuesday when he got the first beverage. I stayed clear of him and tried to do my own thing. I noticed as the day turned to night he was drunk and had been sneaking to the store to buy more. that night we faught and I found myself praying for him to pass out. I realized that night I had to do something and stop this nonsense. I told myself when he sobered up I was goof to end the relationship if he didn't get help. Wenesday comes and he wakes before me and snuckbout to the liguer store and bought two bottles of vodka. I had no clue. By noon time I realized he was drunk again. I avoided him knowing I can't argue wig a sick mind. He became increasingly agitated. I asked himto call a family memeber and to please leave and sleep it off. I became nervous an locked him out of the house. Oh boy that really set him off. He punche out a window. I was terrified. I ran outbid the house and called 911. Cops came and told me to leave!! I was dumbfounded. I sat at my neighbors house for 3 hours waiting for ABF to pass out. I came back home. Realized I really had no where to go and curled up on the couch sure the ABF would sleep through the night. Wrong!! ABF came and sat on the couch, calm as could be. Asked me if we were over. I told him I thought so but we had a lot to discuss and felt a nights sleep was best first. Well he lost his mind. By the grace of god I kept it together. I didn't yell scream or cry. I was shakig but I kept my cool the entire time. He proceeds to chest bump me and was so close and yelling so ba he was spitting on me. I grabbed my purse with a change of close in it (I had already prepared for a quick exit if needed) I started slowly walking backwards, no way was I turning my back on this man I had never seen until now. There were to many things said to list. The one that stands out is how he wasn't stupid enough to lay a hand on me and he was going to get this house and not me and I'd never be allowed to come back and he would have it in his name. I think I actually laughed out loud at that. Big mistake. He Chest bumped me again towards the back of the cabinet and then slammed me into it. I was retried and threw my arms up to protect my face. He stepped back and I laughed again and said, yep you're stupid game over and I ran Out the front door to my neighbors. I called the sherrif and was disconnected because ABF was blowing my phoen up. I could make a call so I txt my cousin asking for help gettin ABF out of the house. She was with my ex and called me. I told her what happened and she says we are on our way and hung up. Now I'm really freakig out and envision a fight in my front yard. O wanted the cops not a fight so all I manage to do it txt her back with "he's violent". Well low an behold that set a panic in them and they literally chased a cop down and drive him off the road and pulled into my house with in 3 mins with two cop cars with them! What a scene! The ABF resisted arrest and showed his as* they had to hog tie him to out him in the car. I was mortified. You can only imagine the scene, the neighbors were all outside watching now. I wanted to crawl under a rock. I managed to calm down and they gave me info on filing for an injunction. I her since followed through with that and was awarded the injunction. ABF had criminal charges from the broken window and resisting arrest. I went to the arraignment. And pleas guilty and was sentenced to 60 days. The judge asked each if if we had anything to say before sentencing. And said he wanted help and a treatment program. The judge told him that at 41 he should have figured that out by now and done something about it already. I asked for the same for ABF. The judge turned to me and asked if ABF still had belongings in my home. I said yes and he said good. You can keep every single thing and sell it as you see fit for restitution. The judge turned to ABF and told him now you have no reason to ever retune to this womans home! I was flabbergasted to say the least. Now here is my dilemma. I refer to this is my right brain, wrong brain. My right brain says, your done, he's gone, it's over, you received a way out, now heal, seek help and move on. My wrong brain says, you love this man. He has a ton of potential. He needs you. He has a disease. You wouldn't walk away from someone with cancer so this is no different. My brain and heart are in contestant battle over this. I need to find "my" answer to this. I need to heal myself let alone worrying about his healing process. I so want to know how others have dealt with something similar a things tubes out for them. I have nothing to campare this too. I know my friends think it's simple, walk away and dont look back. This is where I have been told f I let this man back into my life I will be out of theirs. I get it I really do. I'm heartbroken about all of it. I'm trying to pick up the pieces. I'm trying to work on me. My heart however is being pulled to this man. My right brain is telling to stop being stupid an move on. The wrong brain is telling me to help him. So please, I know you can't tell me what to do or give me a magical answer but share with me your thoughts and opinions. I feel like I'm close to finding my own answers but I need to hear things from people who have been there so I know I'm not alone.