(( Tom )) Dont overwhelm yourself with the myriad of things you want to change - we can only focus on one thing at a time.  With my ADHD and working the program, I had to learn to "trick" myself into being able to relax, let go, tend to one thing at a time and let that be acceptable and good enough.  My magic question is:  What can I do to allow me to feel better about myself (or the situation) right now and then do that thing.  Take your day in 15 minute incriments only.  Decide what you will do in those 15 mins and give what you are working on your full attention and let everything else go for the moment.

I am trying to lose weight and get my activity levels up again - starting is very difficult, then keepoing it up is a challenge as well.  My thing is I tend to automatically push myself way too hard and then I get hurt.  So Im going very slowly.  Honestly the last few months, I havent really worked out at all -but- I have been walking more, which helps and counts (a little, anyway).  So even though the critical thinker/task master in ny head says, this is not "good enough" - I can release that and be kinder to myself, go slowly and take my time.  There is no race in living.

I do hear you saying loud and clearly that you are isolating,  as you know this causes depression.  I would say, get out, do something new or different or even familiar, just get out and get to walking and breathing and enjoying.  It is okay.

I think a lot of what Im going through lately has to do with changes in me regarding aging - and that is okay too.  If I need a lil more time than I used to, if I go a little slower then I used to - it is okay- dont compare yourself to where u think you should be and do what you can.  You know what works when you work it.  Give yourself permission and take on only one thing on at a time.   Focus on what you do have that you are grateful for and allow that appreciation in your to grow - gratitude lists always get me back to feeling pretty good about myself. 

Take an action that will allow you to feel your own self respect and it will get better right away.  Also, forgiving yourself for trying to "be all that" and/or taking on too much.- let it go.  I sometimes find I take things back from my HP and I am not just living fully in the moments, feeeling them and processing life as it comes- that is the reminder to let go and let god - consciosuly throughout the day and in the moments of living and being connected to source and in a state of letting go.   Try your best and let it go.

I would guess you may even be a little bored with the status quo - what is something that you always wanted to do but never tried for "X" reasons.  Do something new and different and maybe even a lil scary/intimidating is a sure fire way to bring excitement and a new response to your life.  I love it when I can still surprise myself and I know you can.  So I relate to you and your post today ~ we are all (many of us) in the same boat: we are a lil fatter and slower then we used to be - softer ok- and it is ok.  Money is tight and that is not new either, we are all facing those challenges right now with the economy.  A steady job is a Blessing.  Re-new your commitment to being your own best friend and give yourself a gentle break - enJOY what you can right now and I promise it will get better.  Our attitude and perception = is everything!  All you need to be is human.    No one is keeping score.

Thanks Kitty, There was so much good stuff in your post. Glad I found this site yesterday. I hear some talk about not going to F2F meetings, Thats where I found my recovery and I've heard I can't keep it with out giving it back. I love this program and all the little simple things like a gratitude list that I would have never thought of alone. I also heard it works if you work it and I apply that to every part of my life. Take action and it works like the gym thats what I say when I am on that dreaded tredmil lol I also repeat the Serenity Prayer like a Mantra lol What ever works to keep me on there a little longer.

Dear canadianguy.   Thanks for your post.  I must admit, that It is of some comfort to know that we are not the only ones with insecurities  and fears.  I sometimes imagine that everyone else has it "more together" than me.  It helps me to remember that it is my "insides" looking at their "outsides".  Is it my imagination, or is almost everyone on television getting better looking.  Excrutiatingly perfect seems to be the norm lately--and the projected images are that they enjoy personal lives of blissful happiness.

Now, I do realize that this is all Hollywood plastic and tinsel and is pushed by image doctors and market spin.  HOWEVER---our senses are bombarded by so much of this stuff that it is hard to resist personal comparisons from time to time.

You all, don't mind me.  I am just thinking out loud.

Seriously, though, Canadianguy, the thing that I hear is the word "lonely".  Feeling lonely is the suckiest feeling.  I prescribe for you to take whatever drastic steps it takes to place yourself square into a more target-rich environment.  You are a gem, and I gurantee that the rest will flow naturally.  Really.

Love, Otie

 

 

-- Edited by Otie on Wednesday 25th of May 2011 12:30:00 PM

Tom,

You mention occasionally on MIP to others the best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. One bite at a time, one day at a time, as you stated will put you in a "better & healther place".....

RLC

-- Edited by RLC on Wednesday 25th of May 2011 02:23:49 PM

Thanks for sharing your self-awareness, Tom.

I find I have to ask that "what's my part?" question myself as I'm in a somewhat similar situation. I live on my own and don't have an active alcoholic in my life right now that's got me really practicing my Al-Anon tools on a daily basis. Not being in a relationship with anyone at all, period, can get me to feeling kind of complacent and "stuck". I don't have new, challenging situations being presented to me on a consistent basis as it was with the exAH.

For me, living with active alcoholism versus not living with active alcoholism is like the difference between "This is just a test" and "This is the real thing". I do get to apply the tools I've learned in Al-Anon to my daily life - most specifically in my work relationships. Yet at the same time, I just don't feel so closely intertwined with my co-workers, boss, employees, as I did with my exAH. And I'm very grateful for that, actually! :)

I know one thing that keeps me staying active with my program, however, and those are the expectations my Sponsor set with me in our relationship together. I am expected to get to face-to-face meetings weekly (at LEAST one a week, but she'd be happier if I made two or three). I am also expected to utilize that other, often over-looked tool of recovery: Service. If I get involved in Service with Al-Anon, it gets me to stick around more.

I heard it shared at our Spring Assembly several times "If it weren't for Service, I wouldn't have stuck with Al-Anon." We were really blessed to have a guest speaker at our Assembly, Judy, who has served as Area Delegate a couple times in the past. But she's also served on the WSO Board at higher levels. I believe, actually, she served on the Board of Trustees. I really enjoyed a story she shared about first coming to Al-Anon. She got elected the group's Literature person - they gave her a box of their literature and told her she had to come back the following week or they wouldn't have their books. Every week she took that box of books home with her and she made darn certain to show up the following week because she didn't want to be responsible for the group not having their literature on hand.

Service gets overlooked so frequently. I know so many people kind of groan and look for the nearest EXIT sign when they hear discussion of Service in their meetings, but I can only say through personal experience how much Service has helped me and kept me in the program. My term as GR for my group is up at the end of this year. While I'm not planning on serving at the GR level again for a bit - the traveling can get to be a bit much - I do plan to continue participating in Service on some level. Perhaps I might volunteer to be the District Literature Coordinator, or the District Secretary (I seem to like taking notes and minutes)

The nice thing is that I had completely forgotten about my agreement with my Sponsor regarding my being in Service. I was already planning to be in Service at some level after my term as GR ended, regardless of my Sponsor's expectations. Of course, she was happy to hear that I was planning to stay in Service, otherwise she wouldn't be my Sponsor any longer.

Thanks for letting me share.

Thanks for sharing:) I love the honesty.

I was feeling stuck...summer's approaching. ugh, need to shave regularly again and get in shape! ;) hahahaha. Did I just over-share? Anyway, so I downloaded a couple apps - a running app on my phone that connects with GPS and somehow can tell how fast you are going - and talks to you and teaches you interval training so you build yourself up to be able to run 5K then 10K without stopping. It sounds silly, I know, but it's so encouraging when the man on the phone tells me "good job!" "you reached a new record!" "you are half way!" ect.. haha. I love it. Plus, the app tracks your workouts and progress (which makes me feel accountable to it) so I think in some way it motivates me cause I want it to look like I have a good record. I need that, I think, to do well.. I work well under pressure and I work well when I know people, or in this case, a silly iPhone app, are keeping track! So I hate getting up early and running, but it's getting easier and I feel fantastic all day when I do it.

You have helped so many on here, including me, tons of times - I hope you are gentle on yourself. Someone else talked about (Kitty I think) not attacking everything at one, but one thing at a time, focus on that one thing. For me, it makes a world of difference..it's so easy for me to be overwhelmed with the hundred things I have to do - and easy for me to be so overwhelmed I do nothing instead of doing something. I'm always aware of this and when I do that one thing, focus on that one thing I CAN accomplish now, it feels so good! :)

Is there any kind of club or class you can join to get out and mingle with people? I recently joined a book club! haha, so nerdy, I LOVE it. Even though before going out I often think: "ugh! I don't feel like getting ready, I'd rather stay home, I'm tired ect..." - when I actual AM out - I enjoy myself and I'm always glad I went and did whatever it was.

I've always wanted to take a cooking class, I've always wanted to join a book club (which I recently did), I've always wanted to go skydiving, always wanted to ect.. What have you always wanted to do?

Be good to you!! :)

Hi Tom,

It is so easy for me to get caught up in thinking I am "well" sometimes.  I know I am not and never will be "cured" of my disease, Alcoholism the Family Disease, but still at times I came become a little complacent.  Something always comes along, sometimes sooner, sometimes later, that reminds me of where I came from and why I was led to Al-Anon. 

No matter how many things I have learned.  No matter how much time I spent in a chat room, posting on a board, attending conferences or district/area functions or reading literature (and all those things are wonderful!) there is really only one place that consistently fuels my "daily reprieve" from my disease.  And that place is sitting my butt in a chair twice a week at my meetings.

I never leave one of those meetings not feeling uplifted, learning something new, or just being grateful for the love so freely given.  Sometimes that higher feeling, that gift, lasts an hour and sometimes it carries me to the next meeting. 

But for me anyway, there is no substitute.

That has been my experience.

Thanks for sharing.  And thanks for all you do for this recovery community here at MIP.  You are wonderful! 

David

Thanks everyone....  great support and ideas, and I appreciate it....

I think in some ways I wrote that to "challenge myself", as in, if I write it down, I cannot ignore it anymore....  Drawing my own "line in the sand" might help me get motivated to do something about the things I CAN change!

Take care

Tom