Fiancee just left me 7 months pregnant....Need any help I can get - Al-Anon Family Group

sierramorningstar · Member

Fiancee just left me 7 months pregnant....Need any help I can get

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so sorry this has happened to you. Are you going to face-to-face meetings? You need and deserve all the support available.

When I was pregnant it became clear that my supposedly sober alcoholic fiance had relapsed. That was a devastating realization. So I have some inkling of what you must be feeling. In my case, after a lot of turmoil he stopped drinking again (so he claimed) and returned. Since I was so panicked and devastated, I took him back and hoped for the best. What this actually meant was that it was two more years of disappointments, deception, lies, secret and not-so-secret drinking, turmoil and chaos before we separated for good. So my experience from this is that alcoholics are unpredictable, and that yours may return. But taking him back might be something you should consider very carefully.

Whether or not he's in your life, all alcoholics tend to be unreliable, and setting up every support system you can will be invaluable. Other pregnant women or young mothers (who are often desperate for company!), family, old friends, support groups, Al-Anon groups, counselors, social services... The more the better. We shouldn't have to do this alone even if we have a partner there for us. It really does take a village, except that we usually have to put together the village ourselves.

I hope you can find a face-to-face group if you haven't already. Take good care of yourself. Keep coming back.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Sierra...click on http://www.afghawaii.org/meeting_schedules/Kauai_meeting_schedule.pdf and find out where and when we meet on Kauai. I'm on the other side of the chain and you have some real help where you are at. Sorry about the business side of things you might even find some help asking for it locally. Try not to let all that is happening over over overwhelm you. It's scarey and hard for sure and without program to reach out to it could get worse. Click the link above and get the meeting and phone number schedule...gotta let us into your life. Glad you found the MIP family. ((((hugs)))) smile

Otie · Senior Member

Dear sierramorningstar, I strongly urge you to begin to directly act upon the suggestions that mattie and JerryF have posted. Having been through 3 pregnancies myself, I understand how much you crave and need support/security/help at this time. Something about pregnancy intensifies certain feelings.

It is my opinion that you do not have the time right now to obsess over your A-other. Hopefully, you have about 8 weeks in order to build your resources. It is imperative, as mattie said, to grab hold of every bit of help that is available. If people offer---take it. Scratch and scramble to find it if you have to.

The tough reality of life for every one of us is that it is our responsibility to take care of ourselves. If we have others willing to help, we are fortunate. When we are not fortunate, we have to rely on ourselves along with the strength and grace that comes through our faith in our higher power.

Remember, dear sierra, that this isn't just about you anymore. You have a precious child to prepare an environment for. The best thing in that environment would be a strong and caring mother. Everything you do to promote your own welfare right now is a direct investment in the welfare of your unborn child. Giving to yourself is an act of love toward your child.

Your A-other may come back and offer help---but it is more likely that he will leave you wanting. It he does, fine, it will be an added bonus. YOU CANT AFFORD TO COUNT ON IT.

If it sounds like I am giving you a motherly lecture--I am. In a way, I am part of your village. If you were my own daughter, this is what I would be saying to you. (I would be saying it with kindness and making you tea).

Please keep posting and letting us know how you are doing. We care.

Love, Otie smile

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

I was once 21 and pregnant with my son who's father was a repeat cheater (a cheat-a-holic if you will). I am living proof that being a single mom can be done, and there are tons of services out there for you. I hope you can contact social services and get help and get to Alanon, which for me, is the only place I feel supported. I am 35 now, my first son is 14. Time flies and you will one day look back and say "wow, I did it!" I know you may feel at odds now, but if you start to look around, there is help out there. Take care of you! (((((HUGS)))))

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

We can only do what we can each day. Do that then rest or whatever.

If it were me I would call the customers, let them know your business partner has left the business.Explain that things need to be put back in order before you can do anything. Maybe say I will contact you in 30 days.

Letting them know is better than ignoring it or wishing it would go away.

Do you have an advocate to help you? Right now your hormones are also very busy. Such a hard time honey.

You can pm me if you like and we can problem solve.

I am so glad you came here! hugs,debilyn

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

Sierra,

I wanted to welcome you as others have to MIP. I really appreciate your courage to share as openly as you have in this post. I wanted to let you know in the closing of our meetings there is a promise that says " there is no problem to difficult to be bettered, and no unhappiness to great to be lessened." Please consider trying Alanon if you have not already. The program is a saving grace.

Keeping you in my prayers.

Respectfully Yours,
Tommye

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