A huge part of an A's recovery is humbling themselves and total honesty - first with themselves....  Sorry to sound harsh, but that story tells me he isn't even close to 'getting it', and he's not capable of that self-honesty yet.....

An A who respects his recovery doesn't pick up another drug since "that's not my problem"....

Hope you are choosing recovery for you...

Tom

Alcoholics and other addicts often "trade in" their addictions for new ones.  My exAH did the same thing.  He would be insisting he wasn't an alcoholic, and therefore trying not to drink in front of me because he'd be insisting on "proving" this to me.  But he'd show up altered and it would turn out he'd been taking someone else's tranquilizers (and not only that, but more than the recommended dosage).  He'd say, "Tranquilizers are good because they stop me thinking about drinking."  Like that would mean I'd approve of tranquilizers -- "Hey, good idea!  Take more!"  He actually tried to get me to take some, so I could see how "helpful" they were.  The denial is pretty powerful.  Sometimes it looks like lack of self-honesty, and sometimes it just looks like stupidity. 

My ex also dabbled in compulsive gambling, and he's a hoarder and compulsive eater too.  He's in denial that any of these are compulsive or that they cause him any problems.  (And believe me, they cause a lot of problems.)  Denial is part of the whole syndrome.  "It just happened."  "It's not a problem for me because..."  "See, that was actually a smart decision, because..."

When I'm tempted to do something, like eat compulsively (not a big problem for me, but a very intractable small problem), I imagine myself in rehab -- for anything, it doesn't matter.  I think, Would I want to let my rehab know about this action?  If I would feel like hiding it, I know it's not a healthy action.  That doesn't always stop me from doing it, but I feel I have something of a grip if at least I'm honest about it with myself.  I think if it's only a single chocolate bar that's compulsive, maybe that's okay.  But a line of speed ... oh dear.  His thought, "What have I done!" is an interesting realization.  If we could all move that realization to before the action, we'd all be farther ahead.

Take good care of yourself.  Hugs.

I'm wondering where on earth one is hanging out where people leave lines of speed sitting around unattended for long periods of time?  That just doesn't happen in my world.

Never mind, that's not the issue.

My recovering ABF, whose primary substance of abuse is alcohol, continues to use small amounts of pot daily to alter his mood.  He defends it saying the effects aren't nearly as bad as drinking, lots of people do it, it "should be legal", blah blah.

I see it as substitution.  He's not working a program, so although he may be sober he's not "clean".

yes, an addict/alcoholic can substitue anything for their disease to use to go numb, not feel reality and check out.  Most of the alcoholics I knew had other addictions like gambling, smoking & porn or they were narcissistic in that they could be deluded in their own minds alone w/ no substances.  I knew an alcoholic that was a work a holic, too, hid in his life working 80-100 hours each week.  It was horrible, I couldnt stand to watch him work himself to death.   so yeah, it is "normal".

I wonder why he "fired" his sponsor though?  Did his sponsor give him the drugs?  I mean, it is up to him to call on his sponsor, his sponsor is not a police officer or a baby sitter to his own program, he has to want to reach out for help or not.  Try to focus on YOU and work your own solid alanon program.  This is the best way to help an A, to get a program of our own and learn to identify and stop enabling them.  Define what your needs are and set boundaries around them so that you can get them met in a healthier way. 

I keep working on me and detaching with love from other's programs, personal needs, emotional and mental states - my life is my business.  It is not up to me to approve or agree with the people that I love.  We make our own choices and adults have control over themselves.   It is hard to change what you always did before and reach out for something new. The "new" is always scary.  It is up to each one of us as individuals to honor our self or not and compromise the self.  Remembmer that you cannot make him use or not, if we had that power addiction wouldnt exist for any of us.   Dont baby sit his program, work on yours and change what you dont like about yourself bc it is in our hands. 

When I began changing my behavior, my thoughts followed, then my attitude improved and my perception began changing as well.  I used to think my personality was something to combat in program - I have learned that with boundaires - I can be protected and stop compromising myself.  I quit being so resentful when I began to take charge in my own life and not focus on what others were or were not doing.  The changes become empowering and you get your personal freedom, strength and esteem back.  Take actions that will allow you to feel resepct and it will get better.  I will PM you a link to a great pamphlet on loving detachment.