The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I spent some time the past two days gathering up things for a yard sale, and in the midst of cleaning, I found my old God box (I have several)...I decided to stop the decluttering and gathering and read the notes in my God box from the past year and was amazed to find that everyone had been answered... in His time not mine, and my HP-whom I call God, had blessed me at every turn, even though sometimes I didn't see it at the time.
I realized how amazingly blessed my life has been and continues to be daily. My health has drastically declined in the past two years, but though it continues to get worse and I struggle and fight to go forward some days, I know that my HP is right here by my side. Several weeks ago I was hospitalized and as a result of that went into shock from a rare allergic reaction to an injection (I didn't know this at the time but found it out later thank God) I didn't find out til recently how bad it was, and for that I'm glad.
There is nothing more "awakening" than a Dr telling you your options are death, paralysis or stroke....I remember crying so much thinking that my HP had betrayed me and left me in this mess, after two years of trying to do the next right thing, He left me in that bed, unable to do anything but think. The person who did everything for anyone that asked couldn't even go to the bathroom alone....Very eye opening experience. But little by little, day after day, I saw my HP in the hospital room...in the compassion of the nurses and Dr's, in my best friend who sat and read the bible to me, and just sat by me, even when I slept, to my many AlAnon family members who were there non stop, to neighbors who supported me when I came home, to my mom, who though she couldn't be there, held me together through her strength....to my son....my life...my reason for living.
It took me quite some weeks and several changes in my life, and learning to set boundaries, but I finally saw that my HP never once abandoned me...I learned that in order for other people to step up, I had to step back and give them the chance. My savior behavior hurt everyone involved, especially me. I lost a lot of time with people that I love and care for, but learned to accept the things I can not change. HP saved my life by getting me to the hospital in time. He made me sit still long enough to really look at my life, where it was, and where it's going.
I made some new friends along the way, and let go of some old ones. I realized who my friends really are and am blessed to have so many genuine people in my life. I've been working my program, but from home for now, due to health issues, but am anticipating returning to my F2F meetings and hopefully hitting two a week, I'm also attending another 12 step group and finding more and more support than I ever imagined.
Physically....yes I'm very sick....Mentally my mind is clearer than ever and I am soooo grateful that my HP put me in that hospital bed....I had to take some time to understand why....but He needed my full attention...and He got it!
This program is amazing....and humility is a wonderful thing. I've learned sooo much from everyone here, and even though I don't post as often as I used to, I try to stop by and read, and keep all of you in my prayers. The strength of this program never leaves once we find it....we may loose our way and slip from time to time, but I continue to have faith (finding answers in the heart) and know that with m HP by my side there it nothing that He and I can't handle together.
God bless each and everyone of you in your recovery and remember....it works if you work it.....
To blessed to be stressed. Thank you HP for this good life....and it is good:)
Shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Thanks for sharing Shelly. I too go back through my God box and my prayer journal from time to time. I love to see in retrospect how God has answered my prayers. The history helps me in times of difficulty in that I have a proven record of how God has always been there as well as faithful to me.
I'm glad you are back. Can I simply say your post was an inspiration to me and I am sure others. It is evident your Higher Power has been and will continue to be your guiding light.
(( shelly )) I am so glad to hear that you have learned to establish boundaries and can now discern what others are showing you in their own behavior. I too lost some friends that I later could see were not really genuine friends, they were users and when we make it difficult for us to be used, they tend to fall away.
Your peace and resolve is strong and you have learned a lot, I can see and feel it from your words. I am so glad you are seeing your miracles in working the program and that god never did leave you, not even for one moment. It does a lot for us to go back and identify that we do get heard and our prayers do become answered. I pray for healing for you right now and hope your condition improves and you feel better soon. I have learned a lot about myself in times of sickness, it is as if god is slowing us down for our own good sometimes and all you can do is think. Thanks for sharing and please keep working it for YOU! You're worth it and more, kcb.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Your words and your spirit make me believe that there really is a higher power we can turn to when life becomes overwhelming. I think i will join you and trust in the HP and in the comfort that can bring. I see my HP in others and I definitely feel that spirit coming from your words.
Peace and strength to you Shelly. I am grateful for your courage and generosity.
My favorite thought is from the Footprints in the Sand poem - " it was then that I carried you" I have often felt carried - I LOVE the thought that in my time of greatest need, He carries me.
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it:
"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."
The LORD replied:
"My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Thank all of you for your responses, and your prayers....it means alot to me, even moreso now.
I do truly believe that I was "carried" and that my HP had to slow me down and isolate me from the worrys and hurrys of everyday life in that hospital, so that I could think and could see what He wanted me to see.
I am blessed....I have good days and bad days health wise, but in my heart they are all good days, filled with blessings and wonderful people such as my MIP family.
Only God can turn a mess....into a message....and WOW did He ever:)
Peace and clarity,
Shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
