Of all the stupid reasons to freak out... - Al-Anon Family Group

atheos · Senior Member

Of all the stupid reasons to freak out...

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

Maybe it's not stupid, sweetie. What were your thoughts? What did you fear?

atheos · Senior Member

I was afraid of interrupting the people in the room. It would be rude, and I didn't want to make them mad.

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

Well, you have a belief that it would be rude, that it would 've made people mad... But... is that true??

I behave according to my beliefs too, and I don't think it's "stupid" ...although sometimes it good for me to challenge my old beliefs. One enormous belief I had in the past, was that I had to stay married... no matter what. I had to challenge that belief.

Be gentle with yourself, my friend. You are learning and unlearning behaviors, there is so much happening in early recovery. So... easy does it. And keep coming back because some day, you will realize that you are as important as any of those people in the room, you are an equal. (The truth sounds good, doesn't it?!!)
((((big hugs)))

-- Edited by glad lee on Friday 13th of May 2011 11:47:01 AM

-- Edited by glad lee on Friday 13th of May 2011 11:50:11 AM

Tattyhead · Senior Member

Atheos - I don't think your reaction was stupid at all. I don't think I would have wanted to interrupt a meeting and that man, whoever he was, should have respected that and waited until the meeting had finished. Don't beat yourself up. You had a normal reaction - it was just a re-think on whether to interrupt a meeting. Because your emotions were heightened after your meeting you felt awkward and silly telling this man you could not do as he asked after all. His problem - not yours.

(((Hugs)))

Love, Tish x

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Aytheos,n My first thought is, maybe we answer yes too quickly. I used to do that too! If I saw anyone needing help at a car maybe broke down, I would stop when they waved. NO more.

I too would have said yes in the past to that guy. NO more. He had feet, he could go in just as easy as you could! He would not disrupt anymore than you would.

I see it as you really questioned what made you put you in that position. It was not comfortable. So you learned! Good thing!

Hey it is NOT a tiny thing! You basically gave away your power before you thought about it!

I bet you won't again! good for you for noticing how ya felt!

hugs! debilyn

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

((((Atheos))))...you did fine and the next time will be different I am sure...Not wanting to disturb them and wanting to take care of him?...well that's why we're all hear right? We learn from little stumbles like this..or at least I have. And comforting...since we are not perfect there can be no mistakes...God don't make any. smile

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

Perhaps you knew that if you had been in the meeting that didn't finish first, you would have thought it rude to have someone come in and disturb your group at work?

Red Hawk · Veteran Member

I used to attend a meeting that met in a church basement. The basement was also rented by another church that wasn't big enough to have its own building. We were in the middle of a meeting one night when the pastor of the church that rented the basement came in looking for something. He didn't stay long, but it was a definite disruption to the meeting and most certainly an infringement on the anonymity of the people there.

I agree with everyone else that maybe you said "yes" too quickly, even though your motives were right and your heart was in the right place. And maybe that guy's motives were right, too, in not wanting to betray anyone else's anonymity. Even so, if your meeting was already over, it probably wouldn't have been too much longer before the other meetings started letting out, too, and it wouldn't have hurt the guy to wait.

Don't beat yourself up because he put you in a bad position. You agreed at first because it seemed like the right thing to do, but when you had a chance to think about it a little more, you decided it wouldn't be right, after all. There's nothing wrong with changing our minds!

Red Hawk

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

You are fine. Just making progress in learning to say no and gaining some painful insight into people pleasing tendencies. As you progress in Alanon, remember to be gentle with yourself (as others are saying here). All the insights you accumulate are only to make you a better person, though it feels raw and awkward at times to find out the things you thought you knew were not true and to relearn new ways of doing things.

Keep up the work.

member922 · Senior Member

Ugh. I totally understand. I would freak out as well. Some good comments here.

Yeah, I agree with lmh. I would hate some outsider walking into my group.

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't think anyone would think you were interrupting. You practiced self care and that is always a good decision.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.