The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
You know, I have been trying to get back in tune on a respectable Level with my HP here lately, and tho never from from my thoughts, I have be trying to see & notice things that have been apart of my moods, and emotions, things that help... things that do not... I found a Weird Connection with Clothes too...lol...
I was Doing laundry this morning, and got to thinking about the "Things/articles" that i was folding & hanging... Funny what I Learned... When I held up my "Celebrate Life" tee shirt (Breast cancer shirt), I felt Good, Like because of That Shirt, I knew I got it for a Good Reason, To support Something I Feel Very Deeply about... It is Nothing more then a Black tee shirt with a butterfly in bright Pink, but when i wear it I feel Great... And My Days Tend to Go Well with it too :0)
I Held up my one Harley Tee that has a Poem on it, about the Spirit of the Riding, and Connecting with all things around me... And when I have it on... I Feel Calm, & always tend to have a smlie on my face... More Relaxing day even if it is one or many things happenings...it is just calming to me silly enough....
I have noticed that when I am at Camp, and i have just gottin about as dirty in the flower beds or weeds as one can be, for some reason, My Husband LOVES moments like that... Funny how I can Dress up and get all detailed... And he Notices more when I am A mess...lol... Sometimes that makes me wonder about him :0) But it still makes me smile, and it makes me feel very secure knowing that even at my Worst, (At least to me) I am still loved...
I have also noticed that when I am standing at my closet, and I am picking out things, if I do it when I am tired and before bed, I tend to grab Comfort clothes... Nothing to daring, If I do it in the morning Before Day light, it is what ever I find the quickest with my flashlight...lol... But if I go up thru out the day, and lay out the next days clothes... I tend to pick items that make me feel Good about Me :) Now Why do ya think that is???
I know I sound A little Sleep Deprived here, but Funny how what I put on wether it be Old Sneakers that I love to get Dirty, or Dress boots that Give me some Height when going to the market, or Make up before i leave the House, or a Ball Cap that says, I don't have to worry with my hair today... they all tend to feed into My Mood ... In that Day.... And the Drama I allow to take part in my life...
I am one that if I Would look at a piece of clothing and have a bad memory in it, its got to Go! I Keep Happy Clothes...lol... :0) Thank Goodness I Recycle them out to others that don't know those memorys...lol... :0)
Now My Clothes can't stop someone else from ruining my day, However... I can! Knowing that I make the Choice everyday to allow someone else to play childish games, or reach out only to knock me to my knees again later, or to make me happy when I want to be Sad! All things that I Chose to allow to happen for me in my life...
This Journey thru Al-anon/ACOA has taught me many things... I have had some Drama of late that I really didn't see going where it had begun, but it did! And ya know, sometimes in life I have to look at were I've been and realize its time to take a new direction... I have Cleared my side of the street with HP, I have accepted my part in all of it, and with great remorse for the way things were, I have now learned the way they need to be...
I have learned that I can still get up everyday and keep falling in the same hole, or a can open my eyes for the first time and realize...If puttin on my "breast cancer" shirt is going to help me have a better day, & be happy, then today I wear it, and if comfy shoes are going to make life smoother, then i'm all for it...
This Life is Only what I allow in my everyday to be, I can't be all for everyone if I am not first, All for Me! When I started this trip thru life, to me that sounded very Selfish, and at times it still does, but thanks to My HP I can now see that there is always room for improvement, even if the support I thought I gave & received would be a part of my future, I can now accept it is now a piece of my past...
Thru this life, I must charge forward, and thanks to this program & all the Love & support over the last couple years! I Still can! :0) The Support of knowing that there really are good people that understand, and help challenge me to want more from this world then to be for someone else what i should be for myself...The Cody in me has always been on top, and yes It is a daily struggle to stay on my own side of the street, and allow others the space of theirs, I am Slowly learning that how otheres chose to be are souly on them, it does not reflex who & what i am or have done, We each have our own HP, some claim to but dont, others are still searching, and some have HP in check all the time... but I want more out of myself, so as to not sit around & wait for the world to come to me... I learned all that here, thru all of you...
Sometime the things that Hurt you the most end up being just another Great Lesson in life, One that is Easier to see when the Wind has been knocked from my sails...Continueing to thank HP for Keeping me Right were I'm Meant to be! One 'Shirt' at a time ....
Jozie, If this is the only thing I have heard today in my dance with recovery, it is exactly what I needed. Thank you for sharing........"This Life is Only what I allow in my everyday to be". I love that reminder.
It helps me realize if I am not working on the solution, I am working on the problem.
Great message. What simple yet [powerful examples of your awareness and your growth. Your insight and wisdom is a true gift- lived =One shirt at a time
Thanks for sharing the journey
-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 10th of May 2011 09:32:23 AM
Thanks Guys... I Could not Do or write what i do if it would not be for the lessons you have all helped me work thru... I know i tend to drift off at times, but I do try to get my point out that best i can within... And Yes... This Program takes work... Lots of it... But if you are truly honest with your self and are ready for the change, every bump in the road will lead you just a little closer to where you want to be... Or at least it has for me it Truly "Works if you Work it" and "Your Worth It"
Jozie, I feel the same way you do about clothes. I've gotten rid of things that I loved-style, color, fit-because they had a bad memory associated with them. My favorite t shirt is from a music festival that was a great fun time. And my favorite skirt is one I saw in a store and liked but decided not to spend the money. I was with some girlfriends at the time and they managed to buy it and surprise me with it later. Oh, I can relate to the ¨comfort clothes¨ too! Thanks for sharing.
