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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> questioning my habits?
Post Info TOPIC: questioning my habits?
Katy


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questioning my habits?
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I thought when I entered alanon I would just get it and that would be that, CURED!

BUT? there is just soso much I need to get, I must confess I am still doing the same old same old and not expecting different results but, questioning myself, why am I still doing this when I know what the outcome will be, when I know better than that, I wonder if it's when I react and don't take time to respond, I dunno I am trying to see my part in it, does take two to tango.

I am writing this because I had been detaching and then I asked hubby outright after the silent treatment for a few days, him to me,  I asked what is wrong, he said nothing, so I said well I feel there is, after my insistance on how can we fix stuff if you won't share whats wrong, when I feel there is, and he tries to convince me there isn't, then he flips out, and  he yells, feeling guilty are we?

Otowah, I react I am defensive, I tell him all the reasons why I do what I do, this was over going out with my girlfriend which I have known seven years, so me being me, I decide I am being asked to take sides here, and since I have to live with this man it seems best not to have my friend,  now this happened a few weeks ago, and I miss my friend and she misses me, and I know I need my friends, and so I been wondering why did the word guilt hurt me soooooooo much, it hurt me because I feel guilty for being happy, for having a dear friend, I am sad my husband doesn't have someone like that too, he just lives to work all the time, and his diet is horrendous for a diabetic, his moods are all over the place, he's abusing food like he did alchohol.

Here in the Uk meetings are few and far between, the few times I went before ours shut, there was no talk of doing the steps, I want to do them, I am ready able and willing.

katy

  x

 

 

 

 



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Katy
tommyecat


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Katy,

I think that is great! If your group closed, might I suggest contacting your local Alanon information center and getting a few phone numbers of ladies that might be temporary sponsors, even bring you to another meeting.

I am just thrilled that you are willing to begin step work. Keep trying. Perhaps it would not hurt to ask your HP to guide you to a sponsor that will help you on your new spiritual journey.

In love, gratitude, and support!
TC

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flopadopilus


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Great awareness Katy! I just started reading the 12 steps for adult children and am thinking it is going to walk me through the steps, but it is better to work with someone I hear.



-- Edited by flopadopilus on Thursday 5th of May 2011 10:08:33 AM

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God grant me the serenity 
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference. 

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youfoundme


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Hi Katy, I feel much the same way. Where I live in the U.S. there are very few meetings. I am going to attend some open AA meetings and see if I can put out some calls to Alanon and see what else I can do. I am really scared of taking on a group, but I think maybe I need to. I have very little recovery time (=ZERO!) and wish I knew of a few people in Alanon to help me with the steps. I want to work the steps because of my own insane addiction to HIM....In support...take care!

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Debilyn


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Ohhh I remember those! Had forgotten!

You know I remember how uncomfy they were. I learned my AH did not know what to say. He felt so awful inside. I mean it Katy he told me in a good moment, when he says he does not know, he really doesn't. Sometimes I wonder if their minds kinda go "cotton" on them.

we are thinking a mile a minute where they are stuck. They are sick uno!? After a few times of it,when we finally did talk we both felt better. He felt he was on the ledge, honestly did not know what to say, he was cornered and knew he was going to GET IT from us.

So after i realized he was feeling in that weird cotton again, I would say something very bland like, hey I saw there is a show on WW one today on this certain kind of airplane. (He loved what I called the "Hitler" channel, he is a Viet Vet) Then the conversation started, "what time?" and on we went.

I learned I did not need an answer anymore. Just needed to hear his voice.Of course he is not alright! He is an A, we have no idea the horrors that go thru their minds, the emptiness, the fear, the guilt.

I know I would hate it if I was so unbalanced and never knew what my disease was going to do next. This is why going to AA a lot, being on a program that is like a guide to living to them is so important. Besides other reasons.

God the creator lovem.

I could even have said, sometimes its so hard for me to not see my kids as much. Just making a statement about MY feelings. Believe me, it we focus on US then they learn we are NOT focusing on them.

I know when I suffered from hormonal bolony I hated it when someone asked how I was all the time. I felt guilty enough for not being myself. I remember once talking to my first A who told me that I was not different! So most of it was in my head anyway! I felt mean, impatient,mixed up, indecisive etc. Was really more turmoil in my head! geez.

Strange huh? I LOVE being even now. LOVE it. Depression hits me very rarely now. As you guys know....when it does, I appreciate when people are just there physically, and love me. I am just sick. I don't know why, I don't need questions, I just need to be allowed to "be."

hope this helps Mrs., Cute as a bug!

them not feeling comfy becuz we have family and friends is NOT our problem. I would just come home and say hey my mother made ya cookies!

Or  Mother and I went out and picked cherries eating them the whole time. We finished, 

 realized they all had worms! ugh. true story,lol I remember looking at my mother after we realized that and popping another one in my mouth just to bug her. lol lol.

Love,deb



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Jerry F


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There is so much experienced support at MIP toward getting a meeting started and it's so widely and instantly offered because some of us have actually done it.  Don't worry about the can't or overwhelmed...that's fear talking (False Evidence Appearing Real) it is easy to do...all you gotta do is follow...and your own recovery gets a big booster rocket to take off on.  Leave your ego and pride in the garage locker and follow the directions.  We had a member recently start a meeting in S.Africa and she was thrilled!!

We do we start?   (((((hugs))))) smile



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Katy


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Today Jerry F, no time like the present, I made a call, thnks for the kick in the pants.

katy

  x 



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Katy
tommyecat


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Katy,

 

I am reminded of a funny quote based on your last post that just tickles me.  It is:

 

What most of us need is a good kick in the seat of our CANTS!

 

Oh, thanks for the LAUGH TODAY! 



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Katy


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LOLLOLLOL, BRILLIANT!



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Katy
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