The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Despite all the good intentions and al anon I feel hurt. My ah told me yesterday I am a coward deceitful cruel and a quitter His mother doesn't speak to me and gave me silent treatment with the look of death (quite a combination) so I know I am no coward no quitter and try to be respectful I didn't cause it can't control it and cure it but why am I feeling like I am crushed? I am having trouble letting go and accepting the disease but it's not working well today One day at a time
There is a big difference between what the alcoholic and their fellowship will tell you and what your loving fellowship will tell you. You got experience, go with recovery.
You got self information and confidence and you know what's up and have program responses...let the feelings pass and consider where they are coming from.
If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...chances are it's a duck!! Quack!! or ... "If you're no longer Superwoman...don't try standing in the way of bullets."
What ever they think, say or feel about you is none of your business. Let it go and (my very favorite) "Don't react!!" (((((hugs)))))
This is a perfect time for the Serenity Prayer, using the tools of your program, remembering the three C's, taking care of yourself first and most important, turning it over to HP, a power much greater than ourselves.
As I mentioned in a earlier post to you......never forget you always have a family here at MIP who understands, loves, and supports you.
I'm in the same boat as you Crazy Frog. Some things happened that triggered me into a depression. {hugs}
Crazy Frog wrote:
Despite all the good intentions and al anon I feel hurt. My ah told me yesterday I am a coward deceitful cruel and a quitter His mother doesn't speak to me and gave me silent treatment with the look of death (quite a combination) so I know I am no coward no quitter and try to be respectful I didn't cause it can't control it and cure it but why am I feeling like I am crushed? I am having trouble letting go and accepting the disease but it's not working well today One day at a time
You asked .. "I didn't cause it can't control it and cure it but why am I feeling like I am crushed?" My answer would be because we are human and sometimes words hurt even when we know better.
I'm sorry you are feeling hurt. A few things that help me to let go of hurt feelings and hold no resentments.
What someone else thinks of me is none of my business. What I think of me is my business.
I tend to see the qualities in others that I feel most in myself. Does it mean they have those qualities in abundance? No, just that I identify with the qualities. When I apply this concept to other's thoughts or opinions I am able to remember that maybe they are not really speaking or reacting to me but something inside themselves they are unable to deal with. I am not excusing it but find it easier to take it less personally, to let go of the hurt feelings and have compassion for others.
Actively handing my hurt over to my HP. I have written it down and torn the paper up, asked for the pain to be removed and used the Serenity Prayer for peace of mind.
Never knowing where the A's in my life are in their recovery I practice double checking reality if it is important. Example if I was told the sky was blue I would look out the window before simply accepting the words. I would check inside myself, if there is truth it's a good starting point for self work, if there is no truth then move on.
It really IS the disease talking Crazy Frog.... Try to remind yourself to "stop going to the hardware store to get a loaf of bread"...
The reality, for most of us, is that we are NOT going to get validation, support, and encouragement from our A's - particularly not those fully embraced in recovery....
When you come here, or to your f2f meetings, you will find the support and encouragement you need.
Take care
T
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
My sponsor told me this one time. It really shook my tree. It certainly is not the softer gentler way people would wish their sponsors to be but here it is.
You can complain about the same problem three times. Then you'd better be in the solution. If you have to talk to more than three people about the same problem,
you don't want help, you want ATTENTION
It was an ouch for me to hear that. But I am grateful to have heard it because I have the awareness now to take action. Take what you like and leave the rest
Thank you to all. Update: I went to the family supper last night repeated the serenity prayer few times that is a lot I faced my fear of being judged stood my truth so I managed to leave the party being good friends with my mother in law. Bottom line is I have lots of work to do yet but this page is turned I am very grateful and humbled by all of you
I have the same experience with my MIL who has ignored me in my own house when I invited her and my husbands side of the family over to dinner. I have been excluded from family wedding photos when I was in attendance...(I have been married nearly 10 years) She offers through my husband for us to drop off the kids but for me to leave. All of that stuff is hard and yes hurtful.
Here is the deal, that sponsor of mine, which can be a pain at times tells me like this:
First, she calls me by my formal legal name which is Catherine which makes my hair stand up on end...then I know I am in for a spiritual awakening....
"Catherine, you are the one that has a spiritual program. Your MIL does not. It is up to you to adjust your attitude, actions, and inner being regardless of what they say or do to you, you must keep your side of the street clean" So, I act as if. My sponsor said I don't have to feel it to believe it, just to do it. I am to be the daughter in law that any mother would wish for regardless of the harm that was done to me or what may come next. So that reminds me of our slogan, "Let it Begin With Me" We are all human and we hurt one another.
