The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Welcome, I agree with Bettina. There is so much great information on MIP and great experienced Al-anoners here to help guide us through our journey's. I gain the most insight from sharing with people what's on my mind the most and hearing their responses and by reading topics that I relate to the most. Again Welcome to MIP!
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God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
Well, I have been sober & clean since 06/04/2001. My adult children are not sober & clean. I was recently in a relationship with a man who, it became apparent, was misusing his medications, and I ended up getting my heart broke and I am hurting over that. (big ouch)
I know I can't control my children, nor anyone else... they have to write their own life's story. I am responsible for my own.
I am looking for an added kick to my own program, that might help enhance my sobriety and help me to work better with those I come in contact with on a day to day basic who are still using.
I hope this makes sense?
-- Edited by Courage2change on Thursday 28th of April 2011 12:45:32 PM
Well you know Alanon is for the spouse , family and friends of a an alcoholic thats in your life and affecting you in a negative way.
I would say you qualify in that area. We here have all been hurt by the disease of addiction.
Don't know if you have been to a face to face Alanon meeting, they are quite helpful and supportive.
My suggestion is to read the boards, they are very encouraging.
We have to read and listen and share and I'm so glad you reached out to us. Alanon teaches us to impliment boundaries in our life which improves our daily lives, along with the steps of the program. Number 1 being that we are powerless over the addictions and our life has become unmanageable.
I believe that a HP exists in all of us and we just need to learn to tap it.
Keep coming back , it works if you work it. Luv, Bettina
Hello courage and welcome , you qualify for Al-Anon hopefully you will find a meeting f2f to add to your recovery , dual members are always welcome the hard part is to leave you AA hat outside the door of the meeting :) go with an open mind and you will find what your looking for . good luck We have meetings here 2x a day at 9pm and am eastern time they will get you started and prepare you for a f2f meeting . hope to see you there . Louise
Hmmmm... maybe I need to have some clarification on the leaving the A hat at the door? Are you saying to deny my Alcoholism/addictions? Or are you saying to just be open minded? Would you clarify that for me?
I think I can clarify. I have been to face to face alanon meetings at a variety of groups that really discourage you identifying yourself as an alcoholic in the meeting. My Alanon home group that has been around for over 50 years does not admonish an AA for identifing themselves as such. Our home group meeting opener states:
Please refrain from discussing other 12 step and self help programs, meetings, counseling or the use or mention of material other than our alanon conference approved literature.
So, discussing AA recovery/step work would fall into that category. When sharing in meetings we are strongly encouraged to speak from an alanon perspective, i.e., what you have learned in the alanon program and not how you work the program in AA. That's all. Take it what you like leave the rest.
My sponsor who is quite old is a BB Alanon as was her sponsor before. For me it was and still is the most helpful tool to study the BB for my alanon recovery. I really don't know why so many groups get their panties in a wad over such little things. I am just so glad you are here. Keep coming back.
My sister had been attending AA for decades. She has recently attended a few Al-Anon meetings with me. She says they help immensely because, for one thing, she has a tendency to try to take care of others in her personal and professional life. She doesn't share that she is part of AA.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
There would be no Alanon without AA. One goal I have in sobriety is to be pretty much transparent. Yes, I am an alcoholic. Secondly, I have compromised myself and been in a relationship with another alcoholic that almost ruined and killed me. I will always be honest about that because there may be another person out there that needs the specific experience, strength, and hope you have as a double winner. Never go to any 12 step group without bringing your whole self. Really the whole purpose of 12 step group is to learn to be honest and whole again. "Leaving your AA hat at the door" would be a serious mistake. I would wear the hat always but be open to learning new things from folks that have been around alanon a lot longer.
There are posts on this board right now about the AA promises and about spiritual awakenings coined by Bill Wilson. If you leave it at the door, you might as well leave alanon at the door too.
As an aside, I will say I have learned tons here on this board from some of the people who have been around alanon for a long time. Patience for another person's journey is high on the list of things I have learned that I need to focus on. Giving unsocited advice is also tricky for me. AA runs so different than alanon in some ways. There is an urgency in finding the solution because of the risk of relapse. In Alanon there is more focus on accepting the individual to the point that they grow and are ready to change and transform. It has been a good learning experience and again, I say embrace all forms of recovery because recovery is a beautiful thing as you know.
I turn to our traditions for guidance on this topic. Alanons Fourth Tradition States:
Each group should be autonomous exect in matters affecting another group or AA as a whole.
I myself go to other groups as well as my home group and have seen AA's cut short in meetings or approached after the meeting to be reminded that when in Alanon, you are encouraged to discuss your thinking rather than drinking. Each group has the authority to set up their own guidelines and pass on the program as it was given to them. Perhaps that reasoning is exclusively for the Alanon newcomer. In some cases newcomers want a safe place to come share away from AA's. Years ago I am not sure going to my first few meetings as a newcomer I would have liked an AA to identify themselves. I think I would not have shared openely or have had the courage to share while still feeling safe. That brings me to tradition one:
Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity.
I am always very respectful when I go to other groups to see how the dynamics are. Asking people in the meeting to refrain from self identifying with other programs as is in my home group opener can be found as a suggested opening in our Alanon literature. I go with the flow. I know if I don't like it, I can always show up at the group conscience and express myself.
Generally speaking, my experience is I have yet to find a 12 step fellowship that is the hot bed of mental health. Alanon is a suggestion based program which through love we pass on our experience, strength and hope. From time to time you will find people who try to give advice. I simply beware of those that do.
We are all sick here trying to get well.
-- Edited by tommyecat on Friday 29th of April 2011 08:54:39 PM
