The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today is day 13 of living away from my husband the alcoholic and I wanted to update everyone on where I am today. I also once again need guidance..
I have been living with my children in a condo on the beach for the last 13 days. I left my home because my husband wouldnt. Now we are 45 minutes away from the kids school and it is a real inconvience for them and for me. Anyway, my husband and I have been talking daily and he has even went to counseling. A step in the right direction right ???
MOnday night my kids and I went for dinner at the house and it was great. He cooked and even helped me clean the kitchen. He ask when we were coming home ?? I replied I didnt know. When we left I cried.. This is so hard.. Monday night I couldnt sleep so I emailed him. I told him how I wanted this to work out and the kids and I needed him . We need him sober to be the best father and husband that he can be. I sent the letter and needless to say he was angry. Typical a behavior not wanting the focus on him and his disease. We talked and then later I took the kids clothes to the house. THey wanted to spend the night there. ( the first time ).. When I got there he had dinner ready and ask me to stay .. I did. Then he again ask when I was coming home. I told him that i wasnt sure that I wanted it to be forever this time.
After dinner I was watching TV and my son came inside and told me that my husband was washing my car. Trying to do something nice. I went outside to help and he said stay tonight.. You have a meeting in the morning and you wont have to drive 45 min there and back. I did and slept on the couch.
Wednesday.. He called me and we had a few nice conversations .. Again, ask if I was coming home this weekend. I said " I dont know" .. We hung up about 6 and he said call me before you go to bed.. Well I tried and no answer. He isnt home.. Now again, my head starts spinning and I am RIGHT back where I was ..
I dont get it.. How can I let him do this to me ?? Why cant i just FILE for divorce and be done ? The rollercoaster has continued .. I have got to learn to LET GO.. I am trying so hard and want things to work out so badly and I thought he did too.
My heart is pounding and my head is AGAIN spinning out of control..
Just when you think that you have it all under control ..
Why would he do this ?? In one breathe he wants to work everything out and then THIS.. What ?? I dont understand ??
I feel like our marriage is dangling by a thread and he just CUT the thread. My heart is breaking YET again. I feel like I did the first day I left.
It's natural that you'd want things to be "back to normal." It feels good when things seem headed in that direction.
But maybe this is a reminder to take things one day at a time. Don't rush into any decisions. Maybe it's about relinguishing control to your HP and living one day or moment at a time. What is it that you want under control? Him? You can't. You? Your life? Well, your taking great steps towards that. Where he goes and what he does is out of your hands. Let Go and Let God.
Keep the focus on you and your kids. You're doing just fine.
If your head is spinning, take a deep breath, go for a walk on the beach and try not to think. Focus on the waves, the sunset. Revel in your surroundings.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I can't give you advice but all I can say is Hang in there! Things will get better. Lately people have been telling me to "Breath Slowly and take it one minute at a time". Make sure you take time for you!
My prayers are for you and your children. You're not alone!
Why would he do this ?? In one breathe he wants to work everything out and then THIS.. What ?? I dont understand ??
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That's an easy question to answer..........why? Because he is sick with the disease of alcoholism/addiction. We sometimes drive ourselves crazy searching for all the answers to all our whys.......when the answer really is that simple. Your husband is very sick. Just because he is sick doesn't mean that he DOESN'T want to work everything out and keep his marriage. He cannot control his use. He is powerless over it, just as you are.
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Kathy S --
~*I trust my Higher Power that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life today.*~
